


Take Me Somewhere Nice

by pinkpompom



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alcohol, BOOTY-SHAKIN', Bisexual Poe Dameron, Blowjobs, Camping, Can't tag other stuff cause of spoilers!, Finn is a virign, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, Kissing, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Marriage, Open Relationships, SORT OF? NOT REALLY? Just tagging to be safe, Self-Discovery, Sharing, Smoking, Tattoos, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Weddings, drunk babs, guitar playing, hangovers, kill me, new experiences
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-28
Updated: 2016-03-24
Packaged: 2018-05-09 22:24:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 31
Words: 54,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5557814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkpompom/pseuds/pinkpompom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Finn learns and experiences new things with Poe's help.<br/>He also learns relationships are a bit more complicated than he had previously thought.</p><p> </p><p>
  <i>This fic seems kinda long, but each chapter is a stand-alone snippet! A slice of life, if you will.<br/> Also renamed!</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Home

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fic I've written in almost two years, and the first I've written for the Star Wars universe, so I'm open to critique! I hope you enjoy reading as much as I've enjoyed writing :)

Finn was home, he was certain of it. His whole life ( _23 years worth of it already, kriff..._ ), his life as FN-2187, had been spent in a giant metal prison. A prison he’d had no choice about being in, a prison he was forced to mold to from childhood. He’d known no privacy, no joy, no independence, and no sense of belonging. He’d made friends, if you can call them that, with the other Stormtroopers in his unit, but the ‘friendships’ were all removed and cold. They only spoke of work, training, and swapped the occasional ‘I heard’ story.

 

Finn liked to call them that. He’d heard stories from FN-2008 about what others did on planets like Jakku and Yavin. How they would live without a uniform, got to choose their own names, live with who they chose, and even wander freely. Finn listened as he was told about love beyond loyalty to the First Order; to love someone else, sharing lives together and being intimate. Finn could hardly imagine what that would be like. How did people make those choices when they had so many?

 

Now, after escaping, helping the handsome pilot he was lucky enough to meet, and joining the Resistance, he was starting to understand what those things could feel like. He felt a warmth he’d never known, both physically and metaphorically. The sun on D’Qar was bright and warm and filled him with a feeling of hope he’d only dreamed of having.

 

Poe Dameron’s smile kind of felt like that, warm and bright, friendly and _real_. A little too real sometimes, as Finn had trouble keeping the blush on his cheeks and the butterflies in his stomach at bay.

 

He just wishes he knew more about how to handle all of this.

 

But yeah. Yeah, he knew this could be home.

 

**/**

 

Poe and Finn sat across from each other at one of the many metal dining tables in the mess hall. The large space was filled with a few hundred other Resistance fighters, both humanoid and not, all filling up on the last meal of the day. A loud echoing chatter filled the hall, mixed with clanging cups and cutlery, as well as the smell of mixed foods left out under the heat lamps for anyone to serve themselves.

 

Poe looked across the table at Finn as he cleared his tray like a coruscani ogre, shovelling mouthful after mouthful into himself. “You like that, huh?” he teased with a smirk, “I was never a big fan of those,” Poe gestured at the small pile of purple-ish vegetables that was quickly disappearing from Finn’s plate, “but at least someone’s eating ‘em.”

 

Finn pulled a tight, closed smiled as he finished chewing what was in his mouth. “Mhm,” he swallowed, “I’ve never had stuff like this. All we got were those packaged portions. I didn’t even know sustenance could taste like this…”

 

Poe gave a small laugh, a hint of sadness in his tone. “That’s a crying shame, buddy. There’s a lot out there for you to taste, I promise you’ll find something even better,” He took a sip of his caf, idling twirling the mug on it’s edge against the table, “Though we generally just call it food. For future reference.”

 

Finn finished scraping up his plate, and then proceeded to wash everything down with the water left in his cup. “Well, so far I haven’t had any food I don’t like.”

 

“Glad to hear it!” Poe grinned, his mind wandering for a moment as he finished a thought. “So… what sort of music do you like? Or did you have music at all in the First Order?”

 

Finn shook his head, seemingly staring past Poe, over his shoulder. He shrugged, giving a sort of indifferent expression. “I never listened to music, or really heard much at all. If I’m being honest, I’m not even entirely sure what ‘music’ is exactly… _kriff_ …” He blushed, running a hand quickly over his face. “Sorry, that’s kind of embarrassing.”

 

“No, no, no, man!” Poe leaned across the table to grab Finn’s other hand. “I don’t blame you, and if I’m being honest too, I’m a tad jealous. You have so much to discover, it’ll all be so much fun.” He stood from the table, picking up Finn’s tray and starting across the mess hall. “I have an idea, you up for it?”

 

Finn grinned, nodded, and quickly followed behind him.


	2. Music to my ears

Finn had taken a place on Poe’s small, creaky bed in their now shared living quarters, watching the other man sort through boxes as he searched for something specific. Poe hadn’t told him what his idea was exactly, but he was more than eager to find out.

 

“Ah, here we go…” Poe produced a palm-sized electronic device from the depths of one of his boxes. It was very beat-up looking; mainly silver with a few buttons on it, and one large red button sticking out from the side. He handed it to Finn while he continued to search through another box.

 

“What is it…?” Finn asked, turning the object over in his hands.

 

“It’s uh,” Poe stood back up, holding an ear-covering device of some sort. The two earpieces were a faded green colour with a tarnished metal band connecting them, and a thick, coiled cord ran down to the floor. “Well, these are old headphones.” He sat down next to Finn, holding a hand out to ask for the other device back. “They plug into this like so… and then this…” he pressed the large red button and some lights turned on along the other side, “plays music! It’s kind of… well, really old. But it does the job.”

 

Finn looked down at the rusty music player as Poe carefully placed the headphones over his ears.

 

“Those fit okay?”

 

Finn nodded, a smile forming from the corners of his mouth.

 

“Alright, well let’s try something simple first, yeah? I don’t have a ton on here but it should be plenty.”

 

Poe pressed one of the smaller buttons and the music began in Finn’s ears.

 

And oh, what music was! A mid-paced jazz song played just for Finn to hear, layered with allutas, slothars, and other instruments.

 

Poe watched as Finn’s brown eyes grew wider along with his smile, his head slowly moving side to side in an attempt to match the rhythm.

 

“ _This is what music sounds like!_ ” Finn shouted, unable to hear himself.

 

Poe grinned wide, nodding enthusiastically. “Yeah man, that’s music! Do you like it? Do you want to try something else?”

 

Finn lifted the headphones off carefully, grinning from ear to ear. “What? I couldn’t hear you…” He trailed off, bringing the earpieces back towards his head. “Does it all sound like this? All these instruments?”

 

“It’s all different, Finn. It’s all for you to find,” Poe ran a hand through his dark curly hair, his face beaming with all the excitement he felt for Finn. “Do you want to try another song?”

 

Finn nodded eagerly, pushing the headphones back on, looking at Poe with the utmost excitement as he anticipated whatever could come next. He was so filled with joy and curiosity, he felt like a child again. Everything Poe showed him was beautiful and new, unlike anything he’d ever done or had before all of this.

 

Poe ran his thumb along a small scroll wheel to find another song he thought Finn would enjoy, though he figured just about anything would impress him right now.

 

The two spent hours just playing song after song, discussing the different styles of music that there were and how the instruments all made such beautiful sounds. Eventually Finn stretched out across the bed with his eyes shut, smiling away as his mind wandered with each new song. Poe caught himself staring, taking in Finn’s beautiful, blissful face and wishing he could show him everything. Everything, anything, all the things Finn’s been so deprived of; he deserves it all, and Poe wants nothing more than to be the one to give it all to him.

 

But for now, this is enough. He took Finn’s hand, holding it warmly against the bed as they shared this moment of new discoveries together.

 

**/**

 

Eventually, Poe ran out of new songs to show him, having exhausted the small library of music he had to offer. Finn, however, had drifted into a light sleep, the rhythms and instruments painting the dreams in his head.

 

“Hey…” Poe looked over his shoulder to see Finn's head lolling to one side. He reached out and gave him a nudge.

 

"Hmm?" Finn opened his eyes and propped himself up on his elbows, causing the headphones to slip off and rest around his neck. “Was that all the music?"

 

"Depends on what you mean by that," Poe's eyes twinkled knowingly. “I don’t have a lot for you right now, but you’ll find more just about anywhere you go. I’d be more than happy to take you to see live music some time, too.”

 

Finn removed the headphones and moved to the edge of the bed, turning to meet Poe's eyes. "Thank you," he reached forward, wrapping his arms around the other man’s neck in a warm embrace, burying his face in Poe’s shoulder.

 

Poe felt his face heat up, but returned the hug with even greater enthusiasm. "No need to thank me, really."

 

Finn scoffed quietly, then placed a gentle kiss on the pilot's cheek before withdrawing from the hug to look away shyly. It wasn’t his first kiss ( _his mind momentarily recalling the victory kiss they had shared after successfully destroying the Starkiller base_ ), but that didn’t stop him from feeling like a total idiot.

 

"Uh… sorry, I guess that was..."

 

"Perfectly fine," Poe clambered to say before Finn could finish that thought. “Totally more than fine, in fact. I want you to feel like you can always do that,” he clasped Finn’s hands, giving them a gentle squeeze. “I mean, hey, I hope I can kiss you whenever I feel like, too.”

 

Finn looked back at the pilot, his face showing nothing but honesty and affection. Poe wore his usual charming grin, though a hint of uneasiness showed through this time.

 

“Yes!” he exclaimed quickly, before backtracking to try and sound a little cooler. “I mean, I’m really not sure how these things are supposed to work.”

 

“These things work however you want them to. There’s no ‘supposed to’, it’s whatever we make it. I’d just like it if you were comfortable with me, buddy. I really like you. You’re—" Poe paused, leaning back on the bed to look up at the ceiling. “You’re a good man, Finn. I know I’ve already said that, but it’s true. I’d like to be able to get to know you better, show you more stuff you haven’t discovered yet. If you’ll have me, that is.”

 

Finn gave him a mildly confused look. “Have you? I just want to be with you.”

 

Poe smirked. “And I want to be with you, Finn. That’s all I mean. I just don’t want to scare you away, I want things to go at your pace.”

 

The room was silent for a moment; both men feeling their temperature rise with infatuation, and a bit of awkwardness.

 

“I don’t know what my pace is, yet.” Finn scratched his head, standing up to get a better look at Poe on the bed. “But I like you, too. A lot. Like, not just as a friend or a pilot. I uh,” he laughed at himself, “I want to get to know you, too. I want to do a lot of things.”

 

Poe rose to be closer to Finn, grinning from ear to ear as he clapped him on the shoulder “I’m glad, that’s great to hear.”

 

Finn matched his grin, searching for the word he’d heard once before.

 

“Oh yeah, does that make us boyfriends? Or partners? Or—”

 

“It does if you want it to. I like the term ‘partners’, I usually use that whenever I’ve dated someone.”

 

“You’ve dated other people? What was that like?”

 

Poe blushed, not wanting to upset Finn with talk of his previous romantic relationships, but also realizing he was asking out of genuine curiosity. “Well… I’ve been with both men and women. Every relationship is different, you both give and take, you share good times and bad. But you also learn something from every one that ends. I don’t want you feeling strange about it—”

 

“I don’t,” Finn assured him hurriedly. He did feel a pinch of jealousy, but it was more over the fact Poe had gotten to date other people at all. He was just worried he wouldn’t be as good at it as those people were. “I just wanted to know. I want this,” he gestured between them, “to work. I don’t want it to ‘end’.”

 

“Me too, man.” Poe went in for a hug, feeling Finn’s arms wrap tightly around him as well.

 

Once they parted, Poe placed the music player in Finn's hand. "You can hang onto that. Take it with you wherever, listen to it whenever you want.”


	3. What's in a name

Finn studied the ceiling of the hangar; his head lolling back as he took in all the details of the Resistance base in this moment. A warm breeze blew in from the open doors, the sound of birds chirping in the distance mixing with the noisy clanging of tools under the X-Wing nearby.

 

“Hey, Poe?”

 

“Yeah, buddy?” Poe called out from under the starfighter, his feet the only part of him visible.

 

Finn was silent for a few moments. “Why’d you call me Finn?”

 

A few metallic clanks, and then Poe came rolling out from under the belly of the ship, lying on his back on a creeper. “Uh, well, in the moment it was the closest thing I could think of that sounded like ‘F-N’.”

 

Finn pondered that, mouthing his new name silently to feel the syllables rolling over his lips.

 

“Why, you don’t like it anymore?” Poe sat up, wiping a streak of oil across his cheek by accident. His face looked a little concerned, maybe hurt, even. “You can always change it if you want.”

 

“No! _Kriff_ , no, no,” Finn waved his hands in hurried disagreement. “No way, I love it, I don’t want to be called anything else. I was just thinking about it, is all. What else would you call me? Like…” Finn twiddled his thumbs a bit; unsure of what he was even expecting to get out of asking these questions. “If I wasn’t Finn, what other names would suit me?”

 

Poe’s head titled to one side, his black, curly hair bouncing along with it. “I’m not sure, I’ve only known you as Finn and uh, FN-20—”

 

“2187.”

 

“ _FN-2187…_ ” Poe laughed darkly. “That’s a damn shitty thing to be called, I must say.” He contemplated it for a moment, imagining being introduced to Finn by someone, a different name being given. “I suppose I could see you as a ‘Nathan’. Or… maybe ‘John’? Those are kind of basic, though.”

 

Finn imagined him introducing himself to Rey as ‘John’.

 

“Nah, I think you’re right. I don’t know if I could be anyone but Finn now.” He took Poe’s — his, leather jacket off, holding it on his lap. “But how do I get another name?”

 

“Another name?”

 

“Yeah, like ‘Dameron’. How do you get that? Is that like, something you pick? Or does someone else give it to you?”

 

“ _Ohhhh_. Oh.” Poe got up, making his way to sit next to Finn on the workbench. “It’s a family name, it was given to me at birth. My mother and father both have the name Dameron after their own first names.” He rubbed a thoughtful hand over Finn’s thigh, trying to comfort any ‘outsider’ thoughts he may have. “My mother used to have a different one, but took my father's when they married.”

 

“You get names through marriage?” Finn asked incredulously

 

“Yeah, if you want to. It’s a way of showing you belong together, that you ‘belong to each other’, in a sense. You don’t have to do it, though. Not everyone does.”

 

Finn hummed thoughtfully, wondering if he’d ever get a second name like that. “So… and this is uh, completely hypothetical—”

 

“Of course.” Poe smiled comfortingly.

 

“If… if we married each other, I could be,” Finn swallowed, trying his best to not sound like he was rushing into things. “Finn Dameron…?”

 

“Mr. F. Dameron, if you’d prefer the more official sounding title,” Poe nudged him in the ribs slightly, laughing softly. “But yeah, that’s how it could work if you wanted it to.”

 

Finn remained silent, imagining people calling him ‘Finn Dameron’.

 

Poe started back towards the X-Wing, wiping his hands on his oil-stained jumpsuit. “Or hey, we could come up with a whole new name all together. I find the whole ‘taking one person’s name’ thing a little old fashioned. Wouldn’t it be cooler to just start new? You could be whoever you wanted.”

 

Finn beamed at the thought, being able to create himself as he saw fit, instead of being given ( _or assigned_ ) a name ( _or label_ ). A few ideas already came to mind.

 

“I’d be Finn Lightsaber!”

 

Poe burst into laughter from under the ship, trying his best to stop himself from sounding like such an asshole. “Y-yeah, you could do that!” He wiped a tear from his eye, his cheeks aching from smiling so hard. “Or better yet, Finn Starrunner. That’s got a nice ring to it, huh?”

 

“Yeah… Yeah, I like that one…” Finn dug into the pockets of the jacket on his lap, finding the small notebook and pen he’d been keeping with him for the past few days. He turned to a blank page, and quickly scribbled down ‘ _Finn Starrunner_ ’, underlining it a couple times for good measure.


	4. Softly

The sun on D’Qar set slowly, bringing velvety soft tones of warm honey and deep crimson along with it, painting the sky in gradients. The sprawling hills and forests turned to silhouettes in the distance, a few X-Wings visible among the slowly appearing stars, far from base, elegantly soaring overhead. The grass was plush and green, scattered with the small white flowers that Finn had grown to feel very fond of.

 

 _‘He’s so…’_ Finn stole short stares at the man seated next to him, alternating between the sunset in front of them, the flowers by their feet, and his own hands. _‘… incredible. Amazing. Kind of perfect, really. It’s no wonder he’s dated so many other people, how could anyone not want to date him? Why does he want to date me, then…’_ He shook his head, trying to not focus on the negative thoughts that came to mind from time to time. _‘Finn. Finn. Ffffi-iiiiii-nn. He called me Finn. I love this name, I love that he gave it to me. I wouldn’t have even known what to call myself if he hadn’t. Not 'Nathan' or 'John', anyway. I guess I’d still be FN-2187…”_

Finn looked over at Poe again, at the way the wind was blowing his dark, curly hair out from behind his ears and against his slightly tanned cheeks. The way his stubble faded down his neck, and his thick eyebrows furrowed slightly against the fading sunlight. God, he wanted to kiss him again.

 

“You know, you don’t have to ask if you want to touch me, I won’t bite.” Poe said smoothly, not taking his eyes off the trees below the hill they sat on.

 

“I-I, uhh, I wasn’t —”

 

“Oh, no? My mistake, never mind then.” Poe’s face twisted into a smirk.

 

Finn felt himself turning red, but decided to go with his gut. He shifted his weight slightly to get a better angle, and attempted to place a kiss along Poe’s jaw.

 

Attempted, because Poe was swift and turned his head just in time to catch Finn’s lips with his own.

 

Finn was startled but didn’t pull back, his body buzzing with electricity now, choosing instead to lean in and deepen the kiss.

 

Poe smiled against his lips and gave Finn what he seemed to want. Not that he was complaining, he’s wanted this too, for a lot longer than he’d care to admit. It was hard working up slowly, holding back on most, if not all of his impulses. But it made him feel young again, like he was 16 and learning everything over fresh.

 

Finn’s tongue made itself known for the first time, pushing past their lips and skimming across the edges of Poe’s teeth. Poe met him halfway, opening his mouth and letting Finn control the pace. His hands reached up, cupping Finn’s jaw and cheeks, holding his face gently as they moved together.

 

Finn broke away for a moment, his hands finding their place along Poe’s body; one to cradle the back of his head, and the other sliding to rest on the small of the pilot’s back.

 

Finn placed another kiss, softly, this time only on the bottom lip, parting slowly. He lingered for a moment; their noses touching and faces only centimeters apart.

 

"You’re pretty good at that…" Poe practically whispered, soft thumbs rubbing back and forth over Finn’s jawline. “Sure you haven’t had any practice?”

 

Finn huffed out his nose. "Mmmm, no… Just wanted to try somethin’ new.”

 

Poe bit his lip, his eyes heavy-lidded as Finn nuzzled his cheek into his open palms. "Anything else you wanna try?”

 

Finn took a deep breath, his body temperature reaching record levels. He leaned forward, resting his forehead against Poe's. An unintelligible "yeah..." was about all he could manage as he swallowed thickly.

 

Poe didn’t hesitate to press warm lips to Finn's cheek again, and again, and again, as he worked his way back to his lips. He let the kiss move further, the two falling back into the grass onto their sides, grasping and kissing until the sky grew dark above them, the stars twinkling over the treetops.

 

_‘This is my home.’_

 

 

 

“Poe?”

 

“Mmm?”

 

“What’s a ‘date’?”

 

“Uhh, well, I think this counts as one.”

 

“… Yeah?”

 

“Of course, Finn.”


	5. A date

Finn was kept busy most days, training with some of the other new recruits, learning the ins-and-outs of working with a squad, how to handle a blaster, even how to translate droid-speak.

 

On his off time, he would offer to help out with the cleaning crew, feeling like he owed them that much ( _and it comforted him a little, being the only duty he knew previously_ ). He enjoyed meeting and speaking with new people, hearing their stories and learning their names. Finn never had friends he could openly talk to like this, so he didn’t feel he was very good at it. He just listened and observed, mostly, offering a kind word when he could. He didn’t exactly have any stories of his own to share; nothing they’d want to hear, anyway. Some of the other crew members gave him dirty looks every so often, making him feel a little uneasy, but he did his best to ignore them. One of the other X-Wing pilots, Jessika, warned Finn that there were some rumors flying around about his past. Finding out he used to be a Stormtrooper wasn't exactly comforting information for most in the Resistance. Finn grimaced, trying to play it off like it wasn’t a big deal, but knew it was pretty obvious how much that hurt him. Jess rubbed his arm, smiling, her eyes kind and honest, not unlike Poe’s. He smiled back.

 

He liked being able to smile at people without helmets.

 

**/**

 

On a particularly sunny afternoon, Finn was outside on the tarmac helping clean up the mess of tools and oil left behind by the maintenance crews assigned to tune up the X-Wings and other ships.

 

A familiar whirring and beeping made itself known from behind Finn, the round base of BB-8 bumping into the back of his knees.

 

“Uh, hey BB,” Finn looked down at the droid, it’s head shifting left to right as it beeped in slow patterns. “I’m not very good with droid-speak yet, can you slow down a little?”

 

BB-8 paused for a moment, seemingly recalibrating itself before repeating the message.

 

“You… want me to meet Dameron? Er, Poe? Tonight. At 7:00? Is that the right time?”

 

BB-8 whistled in a positive tone before whirring out the second half of his message.

 

“Uhh… oh. In the hangar. Just over there?”

 

BB made a similar confirmation noise, then continued on it’s merry little way, rolling back into the hangar and out of sight.

 

Finn looked around at the remaining mess he had to clean, picking his mop back up and kicking some tools over towards the storage containers.

 

He wondered what Poe could possibly have planned; secretly hoping it was a joy ride together. He wanted to learn how to pilot, but really just enjoyed sitting near Poe while he flew the X-Wing like he could do it with his eyes closed ( _he probably could, actually…_ ).

 

 

**/**

 

 

At 6:43 ( _he could probably have stood to wait a bit longer, but he was starting to get really impatient_ ) Finn left the empty living quarters, tucked his hands into the side pockets of the jacket he loved so much, and wandered down the long echoey halls of the Resistance base. He found his way back to the massive hangar, though he took a few wrong turns along the way; he still hadn’t learned the layout just yet.

 

He stepped in gingerly, trying his best to not let his clunky boots be too noisy in the echoey expanse that was the vehicle storage area. It was darker now, the light outside fading away while the artificial lights above remained.

 

Stepping around a starfighter, Finn saw Poe leaning against his X-Wing, BB-8 spinning around in lazy circles beside him. He had on different clothing than his usual orange jumpsuit. And oh… oh god, he looked so good.

 

His face free of the usual oil smears, Poe’s hair was swept back a little cleaner, dark curls tucked neatly behind his ears and skimming the edges of his neck. He wore a simple white shirt, a black leather jacket on top, and black slim fitting pants ( _and oh, how Finn loved to see Poe in clothes that fit a little tighter_ ). He looked dazzling, dashing, maybe even a little suave. Finn looked down at himself, wearing the same black pants, black shirt, and jacket Poe had given him. He’d washed them, sure, but he didn’t feel like he came close to looking as charming as Poe. Are people supposed to dress up when meeting the person they like?

 

_… What did people wear to dress up, anyway?_

Before Finn could panic too much over his lack of ‘dress up’ clothing, Poe noticed him and called him over.

 

“Finn! I was starting to wonder if you’d gotten the message. C’mere!”

 

Finn walked over, his head buzzing with mixed feelings of excitement, curiosity, and a little self-doubt. He had an almost constant, underlying feeling of anxiety, like he was going to say or do something wrong and push Poe away. He didn’t know all the protocol for relationships, and hoped he was getting it at least half right.

 

“Yeah, yeah, no I got it. BB showed up while I was outside earlier,” he looked over at the droid, still spinning in place, a little oddly.

 

Poe laughed ( _god how he loved that laugh_ ), “Don’t worry about him, he’s just a little bored, been following me around all day.” He looked at Finn, his dark eyes creasing a little more underneath as his smile moved upwards. “You look good.”

 

Finn flushed, a hand flying up to rub at his neck. “No way, you look amazing. I haven’t even got something better to—”

 

“Exactly, don’t worry, you always look good. Promise.” Smoothing a hand down Finn’s chest, he winked, and then placed a soft kiss on Finn’s cheek. Turning to face the X-Wing behind them, he switched gears. “So! I bet you’re wondering why I’ve got you coming here, all mysterious and all.”

 

“Well, yeah, kind of?” Finn looked up at the ship, his cheek tingling. “I’m guess it has something to do with flying?”

 

Poe smirked. “Partially, though that’s not the main part. Hop on, BB.”

 

BB-8 ceased it’s spinning, focusing it’s lens on Poe’s face for a moment before giving a short beep and rolling into position under the X-Wing.

 

Poe stepped up, one foot on the side of the ship. “Come on, you’ll see!”

 

Finn stood, dumbfounded for a moment, watching BB-8 get picked up and clipped into his spot, then stared up at Poe as he swung his legs over into the cockpit. He still didn’t know how someone so wonderful could be in his life, kissing his face, taking him places—

 

“Is- is this a date?”

 

Poe leaned over the edge of the open cockpit, resting his head on his hand. “Well, yeah, buddy. I’d call it that, wouldn’t you?”

 

Finn glowed, scrambling to climb into the ship himself. “I like that.”


	6. Trust me

The X-Wing was cramped, but just big enough for the two of them to fit. Poe had installed a tiny, foldout seat behind his own just for Finn to join him on these sort of excursions.

 

Finn watched out the window at the stars passing by, his knees almost folded up to his chest.

 

“You okay back there, bud?” Poe glanced over this shoulder, maneuvering the X-Wing gracefully down towards the planet below.

 

“Yeah, yeah don’t worry about me.”

 

“Cool, ‘cause we’re almost there.” Poe gestured to the planet they were currently descending upon, not taking his eyes off the sky in front of them.

 

“This is Naboo, right?” Finn pressed his face to the window, watching as the X-Wing was enveloped in cloud and atmosphere.

 

“Sure is,” Poe sounded impressed. “You really know your way around, huh?”

 

Finn scoffed, eyes darting back to his hands as he was reminded of his past as FN-2187. “We were forced to memorize maps of different systems, it was part of basic training.”

 

“Ah, I see. Well, not a useless skill to have.” Finn pulled up on the yoke, landing the ship smoothly in a clearing just outside the walls of a city.

 

The hatch opened as Poe unbuckled himself, and then turning to help Finn out of his own cramped spot. The two clambered out of the starfighter, landing on sturdy, dusty ground.

 

“You stay here with the ship, alright BB? We’ll be back in a few hours.”

 

BB-8 whistled affirmatively, switching itself into low-power mode.

 

Finn took in the sights around him; the velvety dark sky, the rolling hills and jungles in the distance, and the waterfalls flowing from the edges of the city before them, adding comforting white noise to the distant urban chatter.

 

He also took in the sight of Poe removing his helmet, shaking out his curls and swiveling his head to loosen his neck. He might argue that was a better thing to look at than the lush planet around him. Just saying.

 

Poe tossed his helmet back into the ship, then pressed a button on his watch to close it again. “All ready?” he asked, offering an open hand.

 

Finn looked down at the intimate gesture, then back up at Poe, before taking his hand and lacing his fingers through Poe’s. “Sure, though I still don’t know what we’re going to do.”

 

Poe gave a secretive smile, and then lead the two of them towards the city entrance, keeping Finn close by his side.

 

The buildings they passed ranged from tiny and hut-like to tall and expansive, reaching skyward with domed tops and tall, thin windows. The locals were a mix bag of humanoids and aliens, moving past without paying them any mind. Finn caught whiffs of fresh spices and food as they walked through market stalls, and almost tripped on the long, richly coloured robe of an alien woman ( _were they a woman?_ ) walking by.

 

Finn’s head was whipping around, taking in a new sight, smell, sound, thought, every second. All the while, Poe held tightly to his arm, guiding him through the sea of bodies to their destination.

 

“Here we are!” Poe exclaimed, stopping before a small black door wedged in between two larger buildings.

 

“Uhh…” Finn looked over at Poe’s grinning face, hoping it wasn’t some sort of trick.

 

“ _Truuust_ me buddy, you’re gonna love it. I’ve been here a few times myself, I wouldn’t drag you in blind.”

 

Poe reached for the handle, swinging open the door and revealing a set of stairs that lead down, down into a basement. Flashing coloured lights and a booming beat floated up towards them.

 

“Excited yet?”

 

Finn responded with a slightly unsure look, but followed Poe down the stairs all the same.


	7. "I feel great!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LMAO.... babby Finn's first alcohol.
> 
> Essential playlist for this chapter:  
> [Cantina Jazz](https://youtu.be/JaPf-MRKITg)  
> [Daft Punk - Lose Yourself to Dance](https://youtu.be/NF-kLy44Hls)  
> [Dillon Francis, Bro Safari - Pull It](https://youtu.be/CmT0bTZBQ_s) (for the shots lel)

The narrow stairs lead them around a corner, until finally the room opened up. Finn had never seen anything like this place before; more humanoids and aliens shimmied and swayed together in an open space in front of some sort of raised platform while a group of tall, smooth-headed aliens in black played instruments together, filling the room with their sound.

 

Poe began shaking, bumping his shoulders up and down, and nudged into Finn, imploring him to do the same. “I told you I’d take you to see live music!” He shouted over the beat, his smile practically ear-to-ear with his teeth shining in the spotlight that hung over them.

 

Finn was speechless; he _definitely_ wasn’t sure what the normal procedure was in a place like this. He was dumbstruck… but he knew he liked it. A lot. He felt his body bubbling with excitement, a warm feeling in his belly growing outward as he took in everything around them.

 

“What’s the matter, buddy?” Poe’s eyes grew wide with concern. “You feelin’ okay?”

 

Finn’s eyes lit up, locking with Poe’s. “I feel _great!_ What do I do? What’s the protocol here? Can we go do what they’re doing? What is that?”

 

Poe breathed a sigh of relief, his eyes crinkling as his smile returned. He was so worried he’d pushed Finn too far, taken a risk and made a bad choice. All he wanted was for Finn to have a good time, to discover something new he could end up loving.

 

“There ain’t no protocol here!” Poe’s hips moved from side to side as he shuffled in front of Finn, taking his hands, pulling them up and down, side-to-side, encouraging him to move along. “Dance with me!”

 

“Is that what that is? Dancing?” Finn looked over Poe’s shoulder at the crowd, observing their dancing for cues.

 

Poe rocked his own hips, then Finn’s, placing his hands on them to move them side-to-side. “This is dancing, that’s dancing, whatever you feel your body wants to do when you _feel_ the music,” he paused for a moment, letting his eyes fall closed while he danced on the spot, “is dancing.”

 

Finn felt like a bit of a dolt, but proceeded to mirror Poe’s moves, letting his hips bump along with the steady beat.

 

“Yeah, yeah you got it, man!” Poe clapped him on the shoulder, his sparkling smile making another appearance. “Do you want something to drink? A bitter?”

 

“I’ve never had a- a bitter?” Finn wrinkled his nose at the name. “Is that good?”

 

“Well, _I_ like it, but you might not if you’ve never had it before. I’ll get you something good, don’t worry.” Poe started towards the bar at the other end of the dance hall. “Do you wanna find a seat, or keep dancing?”

 

Finn didn’t like the idea of dancing alone with strangers, so he motioned towards a small table nearby, and took a seat while he waited.

 

“Hey honey…” an unfamiliar voice trilled from above. Finn looked up to find a pale blue skinned Twi’lek woman standing at the table, a tiny black dress barely covering her body and a colourful drink in her hand. “Wha’chu doin’ here all by your lonesome?”

 

Finn glanced around the room, panicked, searching for Poe in the crowd. “I uh, well I didn’t—” He spotted Poe, a glass in each hand as he turned sideways to squeeze past a rather large Rodian. “I came here with my boyfriend, he’s right there,” pointing across the room.

 

The woman turned to face Poe as he set the drinks down on the table.

 

“Can I help you?” Poe asked, his face turning slightly steely.

 

The Twi’lek turned her nose up, “Nah, don’t think so. Shouldn’t leave your boy-toys all alone though, y’know? Someone might just…” blue fingers danced across the table, up Finn’s chest, and grazed his chin. “snatch… him… _up_.” And then she left.

 

Poe frowned at the sight of Finn’s slightly humiliated face. “Aw, jeez, I’m sorry Finn, I was only gone for like two damn minutes…”

 

Finn shook his head, laughing loudly, shouting over the music. “It’s fine! I’ve never been, uh, what’s the word for that?”

 

“Hit on?”

 

“Yeah! Though, that sounds kinda violent? But that’s cool! I didn’t think others would find me attractive!” Finn beamed, his ego swelling a little ( _what little ego he had, anyway_ ).

 

 _‘More than you know…’_ Poe thought to himself, not wanting to come off as super possessive already. “Well, I brought drinks. This one’s mine,” he took the tall glass filled with amber-coloured liquid off the table and took a quick swig, finishing with a wipe of his sleeve against his mouth. “and this one’s for you!” Poe gesture towards the wide topped glass with a skinny, zig-zag stem filled with pink liquid, topped with a tiny umbrella.

 

Finn analyzed the drink before picking it up and hesitantly taking a sip. “This tastes great!” He threw the rest of the drink down his throat in about 10 seconds, all but slamming the glass back down on the surface. “Why’s it so small?”

 

Poe stared at him across the table, a little stunned. “W-well, because it’s got a lot of alcohol in it. And you have to uh, well be careful with that.”

 

“How come?”

 

Poe shook his head, trying his best to not sound like an overbearing parent. “Because, if you have enough of it, you’ll get really drunk.”

 

“What’s ‘drunk’?” Finn smiled, wanting to find out what that could be like first hand.

 

“It’s… uh.” Poe cleared his throat, taking another sip of his beer. “It’s when your brain…” he thought for a moment, quickly realizing he didn’t actually understand the exact science of it. “You’re gonna have to find out for yourself tonight, buddy. It can be a lot of fun, but don’t go overboard, alright?”

 

Finn nodded, though he was unsure of how he could avoid going ‘overboard’ on something he’d never done before.

 

The two sat without talking for a while, enjoying the music and their drinks. Poe bought Finn a few more cocktails, reminding him to not chug them quite so fast, while he sipped on some beers of his own. Finn bounced in his seat, nodding along with the rhythms while his body started to take over, pushing his original apprehension to the back of his mind.

 

It wasn’t long before Finn started getting a little adventurous, standing up and reaching for Poe’s hands, guiding them both to the dance floor. His head was buzzing and his body felt warm and languid, every motion coming easily as he swayed, jumped, and bounced all over the sparkling dance floor. The other dancers were close, bumping into him as he boogied along with Poe, twisting his hips and shoulders a little erratically, figuring things out as he went.

 

“ _This,”_ a small hiccup, _“thisss is awesome!_ ”

 

Poe chuckled, throwing arms around Finn’s neck and matching his movements. “I’m so glad, Finn.” He kissed his cheeks, hot under his lips. “Do you want another drink? How are you feeling?”

 

To be honest, Finn felt like his face was on fire. And so was the rest of his body. But it felt… kind of great? Like he was invincible, like he could do everything so well without even trying. He wanted to know what got better than this feeling.

 

“I feel _perrrrfect,_ ” Finn started, letting his body slow down a bit as he spoke. “Is this what y-you meant by ‘drunk’? Is this what ‘drunk’ is?”

 

“Judging by your dance moves and speech, I’m gonna have to go with, uh yeah.” Poe led him off the dance floor, finding their way back to the table.

 

“Can I get more drunk?”

 

“Are you asking if that’s possible, or if I’ll let you?”

 

Finn thought for a moment. “Both!”

 

“Uhh, hah, I guess yes to both. You can pretty much always get ‘drunk-er’, but there’s a point where you kind of…” he made a vague motion with his hands, “black out. And that sucks, trust me. But you’re young! You’re… wait, how old are you?”

 

“I’m twen’ny _three_!” Finn exclaimed proudly, taking his seat at the table. He was pleased with himself for making it this far in his life, honestly. He used to think he’d end up killing himself someday if he couldn’t escape when he was still FN-2187.

 

“Twenty three… oh man, you’re so young. You’re making me look like such a geezer.”

 

“Whas’sa ‘geezer’? How old are you?”

 

Poe grimaced. “Thirty, unfortunately.”

 

“That’sss…” Finn made a brief attempt at counting on his fingers. “ _Seven_ years older than me!”

 

“Hey, that’s not _that_ bad!” Poe laughed. He called over one of the waitresses, speaking into her ear as she bent over to hear him. She nodded with a smile, and disappeared back towards the bar.

 

“What’d’you do?” Finn let his head fall into his hands, his elbows resting on the table.

 

“Just one more fun thing for you to try here,” Poe winked, thanking the waitress as she came back and placed four tiny glasses on the table.

 

Finn went to take one immediately, but Poe smacked his hand away.

 

“ _Whoa_ there, buddy. You don’t wanna be rushing into those, yeah?” He pushed two towards Finn and then two for himself. “We’ll do them together, okay?”

 

Finn nodded, a dopey smile glued to his face. He picked up one of the small drinks and examined the clear liquid inside; it looked harmless enough.

 

“When you drink it, you do it all at once, okay? Just tip your head back, don’t let it stay on your tongue for too long.”

 

Finn nodded again, feeling fully confident in his drinking abilities now. The music was loud, fast-paced and thumping through his chest.

 

“Cheers!” Poe leaned forward, clinked their glasses together, and then proceeded to chuck the drink down his throat in one fluid motion.

 

Finn observed him for a moment, shrugged, and proceeded to do the same.

 

_Oh god._

Finn spluttered as he attempted to swallow the _kriffing-awful,_ poisonous tasting fluid Poe had given him.

 

“You okay?” Poe reached out and touched Finn’s hand as he scrunched his face so hard, he looked like a baby with a lemon.

 

“Wha’ the _ffffuck_ was _that?_ ” Finn managed, looking down at the empty glass in disgust as if to blame his pain on the vessel itself.

 

“Vodka! I was gonna get tequila but I figured…” he shrugged, his mouth turned lopsided. “Vodka’s a little easier. It’s not poison, by the way, promise.”

 

Finn gave him a slightly disbelieving look. “If you _ssay’so._ ”

 

After a brief moment of recollecting themselves, the two men proceeded to do the same with the last two shots.

 

And from there, the night turned a bit more wild.

 

Finn doesn’t remember much, but feelings of sweaty dancing and sloppy kissing go through his mind.

 

The next morning, that is. And… _oh kriff,_ how awful that morning is.


	8. "... Not so great."

Finn woke up. Sort of. His eyes felt heavy and his head ached, not unlike when he crashed on Jakku. He tried his best to sit up, rubbing his face as his brain stitched back together the previous events ( _as well as it could, anyway_ ). He realized he was in Poe's bed, instead of his usual mattress on the floor.

 

When Finn had officially joined the Resistance base, they didn't exactly have time nor resources to sort out personal living quarters for him. He didn't mind sleeping just about anywhere, but Poe insisted Finn share his room with him, "at least until they get you your own". However, the cots the rebels were given were tiny, and there wasn't much space for a whole extra bed in the tiny shoebox of a room Poe had, so Finn had opted to sleep on a spare mattress on the floor that could easily be tucked away under Poe's bed. Poe would often argue that Finn should be the one sleeping in a proper bed, but Finn had insisted on the floor. He didn't want to say it, but he still felt like a bit of an intruder and didn't like the idea of imposing on others personal space. So, a spare mattress, pillow, and blankets were kept stored just beneath the cot, only pulled out at night.

 

Finn glanced down, searching for Poe's sleeping figure, but saw only the empty mattress and crumpled blankets.

 

He flopped back down, tugging the covers up over his head. His stomach turned, his skin both sweaty and cold at the same time.

 

 _'Those drinks must have been poisoned...'_ He thought, rubbing small circles into his temples. Then another, much worse thought popped into his head. _'Where is Poe? What if the poison... killed him?'_

 

Finn sat bolt upright, just in time to see the door open as Poe walked in, BB-8 trailing closely behind.

 

"You're alive!" Finn exclaimed, relief pouring over him.

 

Poe's face crinkled into a puzzled look, the little lines under his eyes rising up. "Well... yeah, I sure am. And thankfully you are, too?" He approached the bed, taking a seat at the end. He wore grey sweatpants and the same white t-shirt from the night before, his hair a little more tousled than usual as it fell in soft curls across his forehead.

 

"The drinks, they must have been poisoned. We should go to the med bay—" Finn started trying to throw the covers off, but was stopped when Poe placed a warm palm across his thigh.

 

"You just had too many, that's all. That's what happens, that's what I was warning you about." Poe frowned, looking a bit guilty. There were dark bags, a faded purple, under his eyes. "I feel kinda bad, I should have been more careful with you... I know you've never had booze before, I guess we just got carried away."

 

Finn recalled the previous night, the sweet drinks Poe has given him, the bright lights and loud bass, how Poe's body had felt pressed up against his as they danced together, their skin sweaty and warm, his brain struggling to keep up with his body.

 

"I had fun," Finn smiled sweetly, his eyes heavy yet bright. "I'd never done any of that stuff before, I was just... happy to be doing it with you."

 

"Man, you're _too good_ ," Poe bit his fist, making a ridiculous face. "You're too good for me! So pure!" He leaned forward, cupping Finn's face as he placed a small kiss on the tip of his nose. "Well, I brought you some things to help you feel better."

 

Poe stuffed a hand into one pocket, and pulled out a fistful of vacuum sealed pink tablets.

 

"What are these?" Finn asked, taking one from his upturned palm.

 

"They'll make you feel better, trust me."

 

Poe got up to pour a glass of water from the tap in the room, handed it to Finn and retook his seat on the bed.

 

"So... what happened last night?" Finn asked, swallowing his pill. "Like, how did we get back here, exactly?"

 

"Oh, well," Poe motioned towards BB-8, which had taken a position in the corner of the room, silent but head still swivelling around occasionally. "I managed to walk you back to the X-Wing somewhat easily, around... I _think_ 2 AM? And then BB put the ship in autopilot and flew us back. Once we got here though, that was a little more... challenging." Poe chuckled, brushing dark curls away from his face and scratching his stubble. "I was sort of drunk myself, and you were a few nods away from passing out, so I had to kinda drag you back here."

 

BB-8 gave a disgruntled chirp.

 

"BB helped, of course."

 

Finn frowned, fiddling with the blankets in his fingers, the soft white sheets contrasting against his dark skin. "... I'm really sorry I was such a pain."

 

"Nah, you were cute as hell, as usual." Poe scooted over, pulling the blankets back to join Finn in the small cot.

 

As Poe's warm body pressed against his, Finn suddenly became very much aware that he had nothing on but his briefs and t-shirt.

 

Poe smiled as he wiggled in, bumping his shoulders into Finn's side. "Come lie down, we don't have anywhere else to be. I'll make you feel better."

 

Finn feels his body freeze up, suddenly warm, yet slightly terrified. He wasn't very well versed in innuendos ( _as he learned from his lack of understanding at the jokes the other X-Wing pilots would often make around him_ ), but he knew enough to recognize that as a possible allusion to... more intimate contact. More intimate than he's ever been, anyway. Finn has loved being able to hold Poe's hand, be enveloped in his arms when they would hug, and he certainly adored all the times they've kissed ( _he's already gotten better at it than their first few times, he thinks_ ). It's not that he doesn't want to ever try; _kriff_ , how he fantasizes about getting to touch Poe's soft skin, to see the rest beyond the occasional stolen peak of hip bones, but when it came down to it... Finn hadn't the slightest clue about what to do.

 

He hesitated for a moment, not sure how Poe would react to that, before letting his body fall back. Finn felt himself greeted by a strong tan arm wrapping around his neck and shoulders from behind.

 

"I'm... I'm not sure how to..." His voice cracked, wavering somewhere between anxious and sleepy.

 

Poe turned his head to give a slightly concerned look.

 

"It's just, I've never..." Finn looked away, his face heating up something awful. "You know..."

 

Poe's dark eyes widened. "No! Finn, buddy... No way, don't worry, that's not what I meant at all. I just wanna cuddle with you." He rolled onto his side, lying his head in the space between Finn's shoulder and smooth cheek. "But also... don't worry. I know you've never done anything like that. It can come later, whenever you're ready. You just let me know, mmkay?"

 

Finn turned back, his face now dangerously close to Poe's. " _Mm.._. yeah okay. Thank you."

 

A kiss, slow and lingering, but simple. Finn lets his eyes falls shut, focussing on the pleasant warmth against his side, the smell of Poe's remaining aftershave, and the softness of the pillow they share.

 

"Of course, buddy. Of course."


	9. Ink

He hadn’t thought much of it. It just didn’t really cross his mind, he figured. There were plenty of other things to focus on, like the way his smile would light a fire in his stomach, or the next new thing he wanted to introduce to him, or the cute way that he would snore when he had passed out after a long day of training.

 

And yet, here Poe was, suddenly realizing he’d never seen Finn without a shirt covering his entire torso.

 

He realized this, because otherwise he would have noticed the large, black ink tattoo along Finn’s bicep. The thick print wrapping around the swell of his arm, an ugly, awful reminder of his past. Who he used to be.

 

FN-2187, etched into his perfect skin.

 

Before he had a chance to say anything, Finn realized Poe was staring. He had been changing in their shared quarters, feeling particularly uncomfortable in his sweat-soaked black shirt he had worn all day at training. He had a moment of peace, a temporary memory lapse. He’d forgotten about the one thing he was constantly trying to hide. But he caught Poe staring, and realized why.

 

His stomach dropped.

 

“I didn’t know you—”

 

“Please don’t say anything.” Finn pulled his shirt back down, rubbing harshly at his face to hide the shame he felt. “I hate it, absolutely hate it so goddamn much, I wish I could just burn it off.”

 

Poe paused for a moment, considering his actions before he leapt into them. He could practically feel the humiliation radiating from Finn, his heart aching to mend it, to make it disappear from this galaxy forever. But he had to choose his words wisely.

 

“It doesn’t define you.” Poe said, edging closer to try and touch Finn, hug him, anything to comfort him. “It doesn’t change anything, it doesn’t change how I feel about you.”

 

Finn sniffed, wiping roughly at his face, still avoiding Poe’s gaze. “It’s disgusting. They did it when I was a child.” He rubbed at the offending spot on his arm through the fabric, wishing he could scrub it off. “I didn’t have a choice. No one did. Everyone… everyone had one. We all did. We were branded like objects, like _things_.”

 

Poe saw a tear streaming down Finn’s beautiful, perfect dark cheek, and he just _hurt._ “You’re not a thing, Finn. You are an amazing, brave, strong man.”

 

“Please, I don’t…” Finn moved to sit on the bed, his eyes still glued to the floor. “It’s not that I don’t feel like that, I know it’s not who I am anymore. It’s just… a permanent reminder. I can’t escape from it, no matter what I wear, or change my name to. I still have a number.”

 

Poe sat down next to him, wrapping an arm around his torso, squeezing his side lightly. He was silent for a moment, trying his best to provide comfort at least in a physical way. And then it hit him.

 

“What if we covered it?”

 

Finn looked up, exhaling through his nose. “What do you mean ‘cover’?”

 

Poe smiled wide, his idea unfolding in his head. “We design something new, something better, something… Finn.” Poe kissed his cheek. “We design a new tattoo for you, and have it done on top so you never have to see it ever again.”

 

Finn felt a surge of excitement, keen to find another way to invent himself on his own terms. “Like what? What should I do?”

 

“You could do something simple, like the Rebel Alliance symbol. Or… maybe something else you think of? It’s all up to you, buddy.” Poe gave him a small nudge with his shoulder, imploring him to imagine a new design. “You know Jessika, right?”

 

Finn nodded, his head swirling with ideas.

 

“She does tattoos. Simple ones, but she’s very good. Girl’s got a steady hand.” Poe leaned over, rolling up his khaki pant leg to reveal a small tattoo on the back of his calf, a silhouette of an X-Wing.

 

Finn’s eyes grew wide. “She did that? Did it hurt?”

 

Poe gave a noncommittal shrug. “Yeah, it kinda did, but she was quick so it didn’t last for too long.”

 

Finn winced, not exactly wanting to subject himself to pain on purpose. His back ached enough as it is, he didn’t need more. But… he also wanted nothing more than to rid himself of the last remaining part of his past.

 

“I’ll be there with you when you do it, Finn.” Poe reached out to take Finn’s hand in his own. “I’ll hold your hand the whole time, promise.”

 

Finn buzzed with the contact, imagining Poe’s comforting smile being with him while he pushed through the pain. “I’d like that. A lot.”

 

“Then I guess we better start workin’ on some ideas!” Poe smirked, letting the handholding turn into a solid, warm hug.


	10. First, and most certainly not last

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The moment we've all been waiting for. The sex. It happens.

It was a night like most others, or at least how they had been for the past few months. Finn had grown used to this new routine; after his last training period for the day, he’d stop by their shared living quarters, grab his towel, shower in the communal bathing area, and then return to the room to find Poe back too. He’d often be resting horizontally across his cot reading a book, or simply lying with his eyes closed, savoring the moment of almost complete silence.

 

Tonight, Finn arrived to find Poe standing in the corner facing the tiny mirror fastened to the wall, slowly grinding away the week’s worth of scruff that had grown across his jaw, dragging a whirring electric razor up and down his cheeks.

 

It wasn’t intended to be an erotic action of any sort, but Finn couldn’t help but feel a bloom of attraction. He enjoyed getting to witness the personal, intimate moments of Poe’s life, the parts anyone else would overlook. There was something so sweet about it, feeling like he was allowed to see Poe like this. It made his heart swell. Finn let himself observe Poe, turning his head, his mouth twisting into tight lines as he trimmed closer to his lips. He wore a black t-shirt and his khaki trousers, but lacked his usual clunky boots, standing in bare feet instead. His shirt was snug, following the curve of his slender waistline, while his pants sat low on his hips.

 

Finn realized, as he lost himself in thought over Poe’s figure, that something just felt… right. He’d craved the closeness of Poe’s body, relishing in their extended hugs, losing himself in every kiss when they had a moment alone. He kept fantasizing, wishing he had the courage to slip flat palms under the hem of Poe’s shirt, feeling the expanse of his torso, letting his fingers linger in the waistband of his trousers. Finn realized he wanted that more than ever, now.

 

“Hey buddy,” Poe spoke over the hum of the razor, not taking his eyes off his reflection. “How was your day?”

 

Finn rested on the bed, patting the last remaining dampness out of his hair. “It was pretty good, we did laps around the forest this afternoon, the sun was really bright today.” He smiled, eyes fixated on the strain of Poe’s neck as he tilted his head back to reach the underside of his jaw.

 

Poe wiped at his face with his spare hand, then turned the device off with a click. “For laps, that sounds really nice, actually,” He turned to face Finn, his face smoother; free of the scratchy fuzz Finn was too shy to admit he liked so much. “I spent the majority of the day helping out with some of the junior pilots. Those kids…” Poe shook his head, deep brown curls bouncing behind his ears. “We got some crazy kids out there, willing to risk it all. A lot like you, actually.”

 

Finn smiled sheepishly, never quite sure how to respond to Poe’s compliments sometimes. He found himself caught in a thought, wondering how he was ever going to bring his newfound decision up.

 

“Something on your mind?” Poe shifted his weight, folded arms coming undone at his sides.

 

Finn sighed, thankful in this moment for how easily Poe seemed to read him. “Uh, yeah actually, I wanted to talk to you about something.”

 

Poe gave a slightly cheeky look of surprise, his eyebrows rising in a way that always made Finn laugh. He took a seat next to Finn, letting his weight sink heavily into the mattress. “What’s up? I sure hope I haven't done something wrong.”

 

“No, no, no! _Kriff_ , no. You couldn’t do something wrong if you tried.”

 

“Now, I’m not too sure about that…”

 

Finn gave a weak laugh, his mind struggling to find the right words. “I uh… I wanted to say I…” He huffed out his nose. “Fuck it. I wanted to tell you I feel like I’m… I’m ready.”

 

Poe bit his lip. _Fuck_. “You’re… ready?”

 

Finn hoped he wouldn’t have to say much more, he could already feel his temperature rising with every passing second. “Yeah, I want to… you know.”

 

Poe’s face went from soft to serious in a heartbeat. “No, no Finn I just… I want to hear you say it, so there’s no misconceptions here.”

 

Finn took a deep breath, his mind going completely blank, his hands suddenly unsure of what to do with themselves. “I want to be… close to you. I want sex. With you. I want you to show me. I... Oh god, I’m so—”

 

“You’re so perfect. Finn, oh man…” Poe placed firm hands on Finn’s thighs, doing his best to contain his excitement. “You’re really up for that? I won’t do anything you’re not ready for, we’ll move slowly, you call the shots.”

 

Finn nodded quickly, his stomach doing backflips into his chest, his heart racing. “I want it so bad.”

 

Poe stood up, biting his fist. “God, Finn, you have no idea what you do to me, you have to give me a second here, you’re so… _Kriff_ you’re hot.”

 

Hearing Poe praise him like that made him twitch, his sweatpants suddenly feeling a little snugger. Finn always loved it when Poe would compliment him, call him perfect or beautiful or ‘pure’. He felt so safe, so reassured that this was where he belonged. To hear someone say out loud, so truthfully, that they found him attractive… it made his whole body sing with ecstasy.

 

“Poe…” Finn started to stand, wanting to touch him, needing to be close to him.

 

“What… what do you want? Do you know what you want?” Poe wrapped firm hands around Finn’s waist, his fingertips digging into the exposed flesh between his shirt and waistband.

 

Finn thought for a moment. “I want you to show me. I want... _need_ to feel you.” He finally let himself do it, let his hands slide under Poe’s shirt, just feeling the warm skin there. He could feel the fuzz of hair along his navel, trailing up from his pants to his belly button. Finn felt like his knees were going to give out from under him. “All I could think about was doing this, I just need to-- to touch you.”

 

“Touch me all you want, as long as you let me do the same.” Poe let himself let go, all his impulses finally rushing forward. He’d waited so patiently for this, steeling himself against any implications that might have sped up the process. He wanted Finn to come to him, and now… Oh god, here he was. “Can I…?”

 

Finn didn’t respond, simply doing the favor for him and removing his shirt. He let himself forget about his tattoo, knowing it would soon be gone, and that Poe had no judgments. He felt truly, finally, secure. Like everything could be perfect. For a moment, nothing else mattered but the man in front of him, running cool hands over his chest and back, drawing him closer.

 

Poe just about gaped, taking in the beautiful expanse of dark, smooth skin before him. Finn's torso was sculpted, his stomach flat and fit, all muscle. His pecs firm, the dip of his clavicle strong and defined. Poe just about lost his cool right then and there.

 

"Oh my god, I know I say it all the time, but Finn. _Finn_ , you're so gorgeous." He let his hands rove, tracing tight lines over Finn's hips as he drew him closer.

 

Finn practically whispered, "Let me kiss you, please..."

 

Poe crushed his lips to Finn's, wrapping arms tightly around him as he kissed him hungrily. He felt a small noise from Finn's throat, his mouth opening to let him in.

 

"Tell me what you want, please tell me, I'll do whatever you want..." Poe rambled, wanting nothing more than for Finn to feel safe and in control.

 

Finn struggled to find the words as he was being enveloped in kisses.

 

"Show me how to—" Finn pulled back, breathing heavily as he tried his best to remember what he was saying. "Show me how to make you feel good. Show me what you do..."

 

Poe groaned aloud. "Of course, whatever you want." He slipped his fingers into the top of Finn's pants and tugged him towards the bed. "Can I take these off?"

 

Finn nodded, his eyes blown huge as he watched Poe crouch, taking his time in undoing his fly and pulling his trousers down, his hands nimble. Poe's hands slid up Finn's legs as he stood, grazing the soft hair that grew there.

 

"You should sit down." A firm hand against his chest, and Finn was falling back into the mattress. Poe kneeled between his legs, his skin looking pale beside Finn's dark calves.

 

"You don't have to do anything yet," Poe leaned close, his voice husky and warm. "Just tell me if you want me to stop, okay?"

 

Finn felt like he was in a trance, unable to find his voice. He nodded, his mouth hanging slightly open as he just stared down at Poe's perfect face, his dark hair messy and pushed back, his cheeks rosy and smooth.

 

Poe placed a small kiss on Finn's stomach, then his hips, then the fabric of his underwear. He could feel the heat though the material, the bulge of Finn's erection a firm and clear presence.

 

Poe gave an open mouthed kiss right along the shape, eliciting a sudden sound from Finn, needy and breathy.

 

Poe did the same again, and then once more, before finally tugging the elastic down, watching with delight as Finn's heavy cock sprung free.

 

His jaw fell open. " _You're huge_."

 

Finn spluttered. "I- I am? I'm sorry!" He went to pull his briefs back up, but Poe's hands wrapped tight around his wrists.

 

"Kriff, Finn, that's good. That's... so good..." He rested his head against Finn's thigh. "You're killing me here, babe."

 

Finn looked down at himself, hard and curving up towards his stomach. "So... that's okay?"

 

Poe looked up through heavy-lidded eyes. "It's so, _so_ much more than okay." He repositioned himself, grasping Finn's girth with one hand.

 

And then Finn felt his tongue.

 

" _Ohh god.._." Finn's eyes rolled back, his vision going white as he felt the heat of Poe's mouth surround him. He'd never felt anything like this, his whole body singing with pleasure. He slapped a hand over his mouth, trying to stifle the embarrassing noises that seemed to unwillingly slip from his throat.

 

Poe paused what he was doing, just long enough to protest. "No, don't do that. I want to hear you, please. Don't... hold back, it's okay."

 

Finn nodded, letting his hand fall back into the mattress.

 

Poe moaned around Finn's shaft, doing his best to maintain a slow, steady pace. He'd actually never been with anyone as... well endowed as Finn. He had to breathe through his nose, his mouth working over the head and as much of the shaft as he could manage, while his hand wrapped around the base his mouth couldn't reach. He could taste the salt of precum, could feel the heat radiating from Finn's abdomen. Poe loved this, loved everything that was happening right now. He couldn't believe how sweet Finn was, asking for this finally. He couldn't get over how responsive he was, so electric under every touch.

 

"Y-you... I can't... Poe..."

 

Poe pulled off with a pop, saliva trailing from the tip to his mouth. "You okay? I don't want you finishing just yet..."

 

Finn just gaped, unable to take his eyes off the glistening spit on Poe's lips. "I... I want to do the same for you."

 

"You don't have to—"

 

"I want to. I do, I want to touch you, you must be hard."

 

It's true, Poe was hard, almost painfully so. But he didn't want Finn to feel pressured to do anything. But God, he couldn't resist the offer.

 

"Okay, but don't worry if you feel like... like you don't know what you're doing, yeah?" Poe stood up, unbuckling his pants.

 

Finn took in the sight, hungry with anticipation. His hand wrapped around his cock, stroking himself languidly as he watched Poe undress for him.

 

Poe's pants fell around his ankles, kicking them off, followed by his shirt being pulled over his head and into the same pile. Lastly, his tight boxer briefs. He peeled them away slowly, allowing Finn to get a good look just before he was completely nude. "Like what you see?" Poe somehow managed to act like his usual suave self, if only for a brief moment.

 

Finn's smile stretched from ear to ear as he took in he sight of a now very naked pilot. His skin was scattered with scars, a long line of paler scar tissue arched across his pecs, disrupting the small patch of hair in the middle of his chest. Smaller pale shapes scattered down his abdomen, marks left from previous battles, symbols of his bravery. Finn stared in awe, his face heating up at the sight of Poe's erection, swollen and pink as it curved slightly towards his stomach.

 

"I know, it looks kinda... bad. But it's all healed, they're mostly old--"

 

"Don't worry, I like it." Finn blurted.

 

Poe's eyes crinkled, feeling slightly less self conscious. "I'm glad." He moved to join the other man on the bed, but was stopped when Finn reached out to grab his hip, pulling him so he was standing right in front of his mouth.

 

Before Poe had a chance to protest, Finn licked a stripe up the tip, catching the bead that had formed there. He looked up through his lashes, eyes pleading and lust-filled. "Tell me what to do, Poe."

 

Gentle fingers brushed Finn's cheek, holding his jaw carefully. "You have no idea what you're doing to me right now, I'm not going to last long with you... like this."

 

Finn gave a teasing smile before placing his lips back on Poe's cock, his tongue greeting the underside as he took him in.

 

"Ah, _fuck_ , j-just don't use your t-teeth, that's all I can say right now," Poe placed one hand on Finn's rough hair, the other cupping his cheek.

 

 _No teeth? That seems easy enough._ Finn hummed once he had all of Poe's length inside, nosing the dark patch of hair. He took a moment, savouring the feeling of Poe's cock, heavy and thick against his tongue, before pulling back.

 

Poe just about died right there.

 

"Is that okay?" Finn asked quietly, his eyes fixated on Poe's.

 

"Fuck, yeah... Just.. _ah_ , like that..."

 

Poe let Finn continue, his head moving slowly back, then quickly forward. He could feel the wetness surrounding Finn's lips, dripping onto his chin. Poe was impressed by Finn's ability already, sweat building along his temples as he tried his best to not lose it right there.

 

He couldn't let Finn keep going, Poe was too damn close already. It took all the strength he had, but Poe managed to pry himself away from Finn's eager mouth.

 

"Lie down on the bed." Poe instructed him, his voice tender and wavering, much unlike his usual self.

 

Finn did as he was told, lying nude in Poe's usual spot. Poe climbed onto the cot, kneeling between Finn's legs.

 

"I want you," Poe said thickly. "I want to make you feel so good, I want to feel you, I want you to enjoy this, so... talk to me. Let me know if I go too far."

 

Finn nodded, silent still.

 

"Say it, please, I want to know you're okay with this."

 

"I want you." Finn repeated, his heart feeling like it might burst from his ribs.

 

Poe hesitated no further, bowing his head to Finn's cock, licking a long, thick stripe up he curved underside of the shaft. His left hand cupping Finn's balls, his right stroking slowly from the tip down. Poe's tongue played at the slit before encircling him with his mouth.

 

Finn bucked up, his hips quivering at every touch. His left hand laced back into Poe's hair as if they belonged there, his right searching for a place among the blankets.

 

Poe let a hand wander, reaching to touch himself as he worked Finn with his mouth; hot and slick, lips pulled tight around his girth, and his cock throbbing in his palm. He felt Finn gasping for air, his body restless and tense. Poe kept his pace steady, letting Finn enjoy the moment before he worked him up.

 

Finn felt like his whole body was melting, growing hotter with each stroke, his hand white knuckling the sheets. "P-p-puh... _ohhh_... oh god that's... so good..."

 

Finn felt like the wind had been knocked out of him, his lifted head slamming back into the pillow. He fought for air, his breaths coming in short, hot puffs.

 

Poe let his mouth take a break, his hand slowly picking up speed. "You're so good, Finn. Look at you... You're beautiful..."

 

Finn's mind screamed with delight, his cock suddenly feeling even fuller. "More," he gasped, voicing hitching with every stroke, "m-more, ple- _eea_ -se, more..."

 

Poe lied down along Finn's side, lips close to his ear, whispering, "You're gorgeous, you're so sweet for me, you're amazing, you have no idea how much I love you, I love you so much..."

 

Finn felt his balls pull tight, a warmth pooling just below his belly. His back was lifted off the bed and his whole body tight, pushing up, into Poe's hand.

 

"Come for me, Finn, I want to see you come, you're so good..."

 

"Poe, I-I'm cuh-- oh _god._ " The warmth moved forward, his hips bucking up as he spluttered in thick ropes over his stomach and chest, his eyes squeezing shut and his mouth opened wide.

 

Poe watched through heavy-lidded eyes as the white painted over the brown, his hand moving with Finn through his orgasm.

 

Finn felt his muscles shaking, his body coming down slowly, his mind as wiped clear as a cloudless sky. He felt a kiss, the nuzzle of a nose, soft and sweet against his cheek.

 

"You were so good, Finn. Kriff, look at the mess you made." Poe reached for his shirt on the floor, mopping up the streaks of pearlescent fluid from Finn's rising and falling chest.

 

Finn took a breath, collecting himself as best he could. He seldom felt speechless, just often too shy to speak up. This time was a mix of the two. "That was... incredible. Poe. I... _wow_."

 

"Wow? Gosh, must have been good." Poe pecked Finn's cheek, letting him cool down at his own pace.

 

Finn lied dazed, staring at the ceiling in contemplation. He knew ( _now_ ) the First Order was twisted, but the fact that they'd never even mentioned how amazing it could feel to actually be with someone, to feel adored and touched and safe. Finn felt like he'd missed out on so much, deciding there was so much more to explore, more than he even thought of initially upon escape. He doesn't even know how he got lucky enough to end up rescuing ( _or, alternatively, being rescued by_ ) the person who would give that all to him, and more.

 

He eventually floated back down to D'Qar, his eyes moving to meet Poe's. "Let me do you."

 

Poe just about came right there at the sudden forwardness. "Yeah? Cause I can take care of myself if you're not feeling up to it, I'm sure you're exhausted--"

 

"No, I'm not, I want you too, I don't want this to be over just yet." Finn tapped on his chest, pushing himself slightly upright. "Would this work?"

 

Poe moved hesitantly, though his mind screamed _'yes'_! "You want me to straddle you?"

 

Finn nodded, his pupils blending with his dark irises.

 

"Hey, sounds good to me," Poe shifted his weight, one leg falling over Finn's side, the other staying put. His hands gripped the metal bar head post that held the cot together.

 

Finn placed one hand on Poe's firm ass, the other gently guiding the cock in front of him into his mouth.

 

Poe sighed at the warmth, fighting to keep his hips still while he let Finn move him, his tongue working thoughtfully around Poe's length.

 

Poe placed a single hand back onto Finn's hair, his fingers gripping the curly ends around his nape. "You're... _ah_ , so much better at that than you should be..."

 

Finn felt his mind buzzing again, his mouth moving quicker.

 

Poe realized how well that worked, and decided to keep it up, curious as to how Finn would continue to respond. "You're so cute, Finn. I lo- _ohhh_ , fuck... love to see my cock in your mouth like this... I love looking at your beautiful face, you perf-- _GOD_... perfect man.."

 

Finn's heart was racing, his dick twitching again with every noun and verb tumbling from Poe's sweet lips. He let himself become absorbed in the repetitive motion, hearing nothing but the praise falling from above him like sunshine. He felt Poe's motion hitch, his breaths turning short, his moans keening and needy. Finn reached up and found Poe's other wrist, dragging his second hand to rest in his hair too.

 

Poe felt himself tipping over the edge, his back arching with each pull of suction. He nearly lost it when he felt Finn guide him, but silently agreed to the opportunity. He began thrusting forward, fucking Finn's mouth in short staccato snaps of his hips. His abdomen grew tight and hot, and then,

 

sweet release.

 

Poe tried his best to not make a mess, and definitely didn't plan on coming in Finn's mouth, but here he was doing both of those things.

 

Finn pulled off, letting the last remaining spurts hit his lips and cheeks, watching the way Poe's face turned concentrated and tight, to soft and gaping, his mouth falling open into a beautifully obscene O-shape.

 

Finn had never made someone else come before, and now he doesn't know if he'll ever be able to get over it. Feelings of gratification, excitement, lust, and utter bafflement wash over him with each motion Poe goes through, even as he flops down to hit the pillow with an ungrateful thud.

 

"Mmmff..." Poe moans into the pillow, his back shiny with sweat.

 

Finn swallowed, grimacing slightly at the bitter taste, but feeling too euphoric to care all that much. He wiped his mouth, eyes still fixated on Poe's figure pressed tightly against his side.

 

"That was okay, right...?" Finn asks sheepishly, not wanting to assume anything. He could have actually done something horribly wrong, and maybe Poe was too good to say. He wanted to know, though, otherwise how else would he improve?

 

Poe laughed weakly into the pillow before turning his head to face Finn. "Yeah, Finn. That was 'okay'," he said, his tone dripping of sarcasm. "Kriffing hell, you just ruined me. Come here you perfect angel, you."

 

Finn leaned forward to meet Poe's lips, savouring the slow and sleepy kiss that they shared ( _Poe's mouth dry against his still wet lips_ ).

 

"So... that was a good first time? I want to know you're happy with how that went. We have plenty more time to try other things..." Poe's voice was warm and heavy, his eyelids matching the feeling.

 

"I could stand to do that again..." Finn smirked mischievously, pleased with himself for managing a bit of sarcasm of his own ( _it was a slightly new concept to him, as there wasn't exactly room for back talk or humour in the First Order_ ).

 

"You're such a... You're so cute, Finn." Poe wrapped tight arms around him, holding him in a bear hug for longer than even their usual hugs.

 

From the space between the other man's face and Poe's chest came Finn's voice, quiet and unsteady.

 

"Will you sleep with me tonight? I want to stay close to you."

 

Poe's heart leapt at the request, unable to answer quickly enough. "Of course, absolutely of course. I have an idea, but you have to get up first."

 

Finn managed to pry himself from the bed with weak legs, reaching for his underwear and a fresh t-shirt from the pile nearby. He watched in a happy daze as Poe pushed his own mattress off the metal bedframe and onto the floor, next to Finn's makeshift bed, draping the blankets across both.

 

Finn dressed himself, watching Poe do the same from the heap left on the floor. He remembered to turn off the light, the room falling into a still darkness that seemed to smother Finn's busy mind. 

 

"Now we can sleep." Poe mumbled sleepily, his hands reaching to pull Finn down into the pile of blankets and pillows below them.

 

"I'd like that," Finn said quietly as they crawled under the covers, turning on his side so he could spoon Poe.

 

"G'night, Finn."

 

"Night."


	11. Flowers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Finn is a literal cinnamon roll (as always).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short one for now! I have a list of scenerios I'm working on and plan to get through soon. I'll post them as soon as I can! :)

It's not that he's never owned anything, he did have the custom-fitted body armor and standard issue blaster he was given, but this is different. Finn holds the jacket Poe gave him close to his chest, still able to smell leftover cologne in the fabric of the collar. He'd just never owned anything that felt personal or special. Everything he'd ever had was the same stuff anyone else around him had, and it was all just basics, standard issue, necessities. Finn had never had clothing of his own that he chose, or objects to put on a shelf and admire.

 

When Poe had told him to keep the jacket, Finn felt like he'd been given his first personal item. It was his because Poe wanted him to have it, because it "suited him", not because he had to wear it to match his comrades.

 

When Poe gave Finn the jacket, and his name, Finn felt like he'd been handed a new identity, this time all his own.

 

He just wished he could return the favour, somehow.

 

**/**

 

Poe entered the shared living quarters, the mechanical door sliding open with a clunk as he stepped into the space. The first thing his eyes fell on was a small bouquet of white petaled flowers in a blue plastic cup on the table by the bed. Poe walked over to investigate them, unzipping his orange flight suit as he did so. The flowers grew in the grass outside the Resistance base, wild and scattered all over D'Qar. They weren't particularly special flowers, more like weeds really, but Poe had a feeling he knew who had put them there.

 

He continued to undress, stripping from the baggy jumpsuit and removing the sweaty t-shirt underneath. He put on his soft navy sweat pants and a fresh white shirt, flopping down into the small cot against the wall. He let his eyes fall shut, steadying his breathing as he relaxed into the soft sheets.

 

 

A light clunking sound, and then a whoosh indicated Finn had returned from his shower.

 

“Evening, cutie.” Poe said without opening his eyes.

 

“Is that how you greet everyone?”

 

Poe’s eyes snapped open at the sound of not Finn’s voice, but instead Rey’s.

 

“I… thought you were Finn.” Poe said gingerly.

 

“Ah. Well, no, sorry to disappoint. Though I did come here to speak with you about him.” Rey crossed the room to the desk chair and took a seat, folding her hands neatly over her knees. She wore dusty brown capri pants, a loose fitting white shirt, and a thick grey vest with a high collar. Her hands were wrapped in protective gauze, leftover from her training session.

 

“Oh, yeah? What’d he do now?” Poe sat up to face Rey.

 

Rey glanced at the flowers in the cup before continuing. “Those, I believe Finn had left them here for you?”

 

“Well, yeah I thought so too? I hope so, I mean, I really don’t want other people breaking into my room just to leave me flowers, that’d be kinda weird.”

 

“Yes…. Strange.” Rey looked idly over the room, investigating the slightly unkempt state it was currently in, as well as the starfighter posters taped to the opposite wall. “Well, it was Finn, and I wanted to be sure you knew that. He really tried hard to find something to give you.”

 

“To give me?” Poe’s eyebrows furrowed.

 

“Yes, he felt he owed you something. For the jacket, I believe. He came to me asking what to give you, and decided on those flowers.”

 

Poe felt his cheeks turn hot. “That kid is the cutest thing, I swear… But why flowers?”

 

“I think he finds them pretty. Much like I think he finds you.”

 

Oh.

 

“Oh.” Poe managed, suddenly feeling borderline guilty. He didn’t want Finn to feel like he owed him anything, just for Finn to feel like he belonged here. The gesture of the flowers were almost too sweet to handle.

 

“So, I suggest you make sure he knows how much you love them.” Rey stood, walking back to the door. “I don’t want him feeling like he’s disappointed you.”

 

“Finn could never disappoint me!” Poe scoffed, almost offended.

 

“I know, but make sure of it that he does, too.”

 

With that, Rey left, letting the door slide shut behind her.

 

Poe sat on the creaky cot, wondering how he was going to show Finn how much he appreciated him. He also felt a little weird about how Rey had come to ensure he would respond correctly. Did she think he didn’t treat Finn right? Was Finn talking to her about him? Was he saying bad things? Maybe she just cared so much for Finn that she wanted to ensure his gesture was received as he’d hoped.

 

Poe scratched at his neck idly, mulling over what he should say to Finn to make it clear just how much he appreciated the flowers, and him as a whole.

 

Within a few minutes, Finn made his usual entrance, a towel draped around his neck and his face still rosy from the hot water.

 

“Hey,” he said softly, bending over to pull his mattress out from under the cot before falling down into it and crossing his legs. “How are you?”

 

Poe smiled, leaning forward on his legs to look at Finn’s ( _perfect_ ) face. “Great, actually. I saw these flowers you left here,” he motioned towards the bedside table. “Those for me?”

 

Finn’s face turned bashful. “Uh, yeah. Well, Rey said partners like to give each other flowers when they want to show how much they like them. And I thought those were nice, they reminded me of you. I wanted to give you something… pretty. Like you.” Finn suddenly realized ‘pretty’ might not be right to use here. “I mean, good looking?”

 

“’Pretty’ works just fine,” Poe slid down off the cot to wrap warm arms around Finn’s body. “Thank you, really. I love them, they are pretty. I’m glad you think I’m as pretty as those flowers, though I wouldn’t necessarily agree with you…”

 

“You _are_!” Finn made a hurt expression. “You’re so… good looking… I feel like I’m lucky to have you.”

 

“Hey, I’m the one lucky to have _you,_ for a surplus of reasons. One of which being that _you’re_ pretty. Beyond pretty, you’re beautiful. ” Poe pecked him on the cheek, resting his head on Finn’s shoulder when he hugged him back. “But you don’t have to get me things, you know? I’m just happy to have you.”

 

Finn scoffed softly, shaking his head as they parted. “You’ve given me so much, I need to do something for you.”

 

“Well, how about you let me kiss you?”


	12. Choose your own adventure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn erases the last remaining part of what used to be FN-2187.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter ties back in to chapter 9 "Ink", in which Finn wants to cover his designation number tattoo. Just in case you haven't read that one already, please do! :)

Finn had been drawing in his small black notebook for weeks, sketching multiple variations of lightsabers, X-Wings, the Rebel Alliance symbol, and flowers ( _and maybe the occasional doodle of Poe_ ). He had trouble making up his mind, what could he want on his body forever? What would be the right thing to finally replace the last remaining piece of what was known as FN-2187? A new tattoo that was his choice this time felt like a lot of responsibility.

 

Finn scribbled out a small flower he had drawn in the corner, humming as he listened to jazzy music in the clunky headphones. He enjoyed using the small music player Poe had given him on his time off, this time taking advantage of the sunny day to sit on the grass just outside of the base while he doodled. His drawings weren’t very good; sort of wobbly and they often didn’t really look like what he was aiming for, but it helped get his ideas out. He’d never really learned how to draw, but he liked how it felt. Being able to form a picture from his own head, to create something that could be beautiful. Finn liked creating, he liked imagining all the things he could make instead of being a part of something that only destroyed.

  

Finn wrote his name on a fresh page, his hand moving slowly as he tried his best to make it look like the text printed on the sides of the X-Wings. Soon he’d be Finn with no trace of 2187 to be found.

  

**/**

In the evening, once the sun had set, Finn was finishing up the last of his work. He’d been helping with the cleaning personnel, scrubbing down the level 3 washrooms and bathing facilities. He didn’t mind the work; honestly, it felt like the one thing he was really used to doing. He cleaned the toilets, the sinks, the shower stalls, letting his mind wander into a sort of meditative state as he focused on nothing else but getting every surface sparkling ( _well, as close to sparkling as it could get_ ).

 

Once everything looked up to his standards, Finn packed his cleaning gear away and waltzed out of the bathroom. Whistling a tune, he looked forward to seeing Poe’s face again soon.

 

 _Hey, that rhymed…_ Finn took his notebook out of his jacket pocket and scribbled the phrase down for later.

  

**/**

“So, have you made up your mind about your new ink?” Poe asked thoughtfully, folding up the clean laundry he’d brought back to the room.

 

Finn hummed, considering what he’d come up with so far, his head hanging upside down off the cot. “Sort of? I’ve got some ideas in my book…” He reached into his pocket and producing the little black book, opening to a page.

 

“Is that BB-8?” Poe walked over to get a look at the pages, smiling at Finn’s attempts at drawing.

 

The droid made a curious whirring sound, rolling out from the corner it was previously sitting in to investigate the page as well.

 

“Finn drew you! That looks like you, doesn’t it BB?”

 

BB-8 beeped something sounding a little indignant, before rolling across the room and out the door.

 

“I guess he didn’t like it.”

 

Finn frowned. “I’m not very good…”

 

“You’re learning! I’m looking forward to watching you improve.” Poe smiled warmly. “So, I think I see some X-Wings and flowers, huh?”

 

“Yeah, I wanted something… not anything like the Order. I never got to see flowers before, but there’s so many here.” Finn reached to touch one of the white flowers in the nearby vase, still upside down.

 

“Uh huh, that could be nice.” Poe took a seat next to Finn, running a warm hand over his torso. “What’s this one here?” He pointed to what looked like a ball with wings, or maybe someone’s head with strange hair?

 

“It’s a TIE fighter, I was just trying to practice sketching,” Finn turned the page, looking a tad embarrassed. “I just wanted to try drawing something from memory.”

 

“Remember when we flew one together?” Poe chuckled.

 

“How could I forget?” Finn nudged his face into Poe’s thigh, inhaling the fresh smell of detergent. “I thought we were both going to die, I thought… there was no way we’d make it out alive. Or in tact, anyway.”

 

“Well we did it. Hell, I’d go so far as to say we did it with style,” Poe winked.

 

“Sure, except, y’know, for the part where I thought you died?”

 

Poe threw his head back as he laughed, before throwing himself on Finn and smothering his face with scratchy, scruffy kisses.

  

**/**

“This is what you want?” Jessika Pava looked closely at the drawing in Finn’s book, cringing slightly at the sloppiness of it. “On your arm, as a cover up?”

 

“Well… yeah, but better!” Finn looked to Poe for help.

 

“He was hoping you’d be able to draw a better version of it for him, Jess. He’s just learning to draw and I’m no artist myself.” Poe looked down at the book in Jessika’s hands, trying to make sense of the drawing himself.

 

The three of them were seated in Jessika’s room, which was pretty much identical to Poe’s, save for the choice of décor. There were toolboxes stacked in the corner in front of the closet, and large schematic drawings held to the walls with magnets. The space smelled like perfume, but only slightly. A large stack of books sat atop the desk where they sat, Finn and Jessika seated in folding chairs with Poe standing behind his partner.

 

Jessika sighed. “Alright, I can do that, but I don’t want you being upset with it later. I don’t usually design these tattoos!”

 

“I know, I’m sure I’ll love it.” Finn smiled earnestly, watching as the female pilot pulled out a fresh sheet of paper and pens, beginning to sketch out his idea. Her hand worked swiftly, with short gestures forming steady lines.

 

After a short while and some discussion, she presented a final drawing. “Is this alright?”

 

Finn beamed, hardly able to contain his excitement. “That looks _amazing!_ It’s perfect, that’s what I wanted!”

 

“Good to hear it, now you should take off that jacket and your shirt so I can start planning it out on your arm.”

 

Finn gave Poe a slightly anxious look, which was quickly put to rest with a calming firm hand on his shoulder. He started removing his jacket, letting it hang over the back of the chair as he pulled his snug black shirt over his head. He felt a little vulnerable, the cold air hitting his bare chest.

 

“Don’t worry buddy, I’m gonna be here the whole time. It won’t be so bad!”

 

Jessika scoffed. “Says the guy who whimpered through his entire tattoo…”

 

“Really?” Finn looked at Jessika’s smirking face, then back up at Poe.

 

“She’s not to be trusted…” Poe grumbled.

 

“Careful, who’s the one inking your boyfriend?” Jessika chimed in, her hands now covered by rubber gloves as she pressed a pen to Finn’s bicep. “Nice muscles here, man. Who knew you were hiding all this under here?”

 

Finn blushed, not knowing what to say.

 

“You know I’m here, right?” Poe said, voice a little haughty.

 

Jessika just smiled smugly before reaching down into her tool kit. “You ready?”

 

Finn tried to get a look at the upside down drawing transferred onto his arm, turning his head awkwardly.

 

“It looks great, promise!” Poe squeeze Finn’s shoulder.

 

“Then yeah, I guess I’m ready.”

 

“There’s no turning back once I’ve started, yeah?” Jessika wielded her tattoo gun, loading up the barrel with black ink.

 

Finn took a short moment to brace himself, closing his eyes. “Yeah, I’m ready.”

 

A click, then loud buzzing, then _sharp._

Finn’s eyes shot open as he felt the piercing point of the instrument make contact with his skin.

 

“Mind if I grab a seat?” Poe pulled an extra chair out of the corner, wheeling it towards Finn.

 

“Be my guest,” Jessika managed, her focused eyes unmoving from the spot on Finn’s arm she was working on.

 

“Doesn’t hurt so bad, does it?” Poe squeezed Finn’s free hand, his eyes crinkling with his comforting smile.

 

Finn nodded, inhaling deeply as he tried his best to get used to the constant stream of sharp, hot pain. “Y-yeah, it’s not completely _awful_ … I’ve had worse.”

 

Poe’s mind immediately shot into concern, wondering _what other pain has Finn experienced?_ But stopped himself before he could ask.

 

Jessika worked steadily, her hand precise as she dragged the noisy tattoo gun over Finn’s dark skin. Little beads of blood appearing on the surface with each new area she covered. Every so often she would pull away and wipe his arm with a cool, damp rag, which felt like momentary bliss.

 

“You’re handling this well.” Jessika noted, wiping some smeared black ink away from Finn’s arm.

 

Finn smiled, feeling a little sweaty. “Thanks…”

 

“It’s already looking really good, Finn!” Poe smiled brightly, admiring the image being made clear on Finn’s skin. “You won’t even see the numbers anymore.”

 

“They’re already pretty faded, which makes my job easier.” Jessika added, turning off the tattoo gun in her hand. “2187, huh? Was that your designation number?”

 

Finn clenched his jaw. “Uh, yeah. It was my name.”

 

“You didn’t have like, a real name?” Jessika looked shocked.

 

Finn shook his head, watching her hands as she replaced the ink barrel and needle.

 

“He was raised by them since he was a kid, he doesn’t remember if he did have one before.” Poe rubbed a thumb over the back of Finn’s hand.

 

Jessika was silent for a moment while she got back to work. “Well, I’m sorry Finn. But hey, you got a nice new name, huh? It suits you.”

 

Finn and Poe exchanged quick, knowing glances, smirks spreading over their faces.

 

“Thanks, I like it too.”

 

Some time passed, Finn squeezing Poe’s hand, Poe making idle conversation, and Jessika mostly silent as she focused on the piece of body art she was finalizing.

 

“ _Aaand_ ….” A few more wipes with a fresh cloth, “done!”

 

The noise of the gun stopped with a click, and Jessika leaned back in her chair to admire her handy work. “Not bad, if I do say so myself!”

 

Finn sighed; relieved to know the pain was over. “Can I see it?”

 

Jessika rummaged through a box and pulled out a small hand mirror, holding it up so Finn could get a better look at his new ink.

 

Finn felt his smile stretch across his face the moment he saw the reflection. Freshly etched into his skin was a solid, black Rebel Alliance symbol, bold and large, about the size of his palm. Surrounding the symbol were small white flowers, the kind that grew on D’Qar. The white ink contrasted beautifully against his dark skin, while the detailed black line work was just subtle enough to make it all fit together perfectly.

 

“Well? You like?” Jessika looked up at Poe to gauge his reaction, too.

 

Poe was grinning ear to ear, pleased to see how obviously thrilled Finn was with the new design.

 

“It’s perfect.” Finn twisted his arm, admiring the detail, relishing the fact that he could no longer make out the numbers lying beneath it. “Thank you so, so much.”

 

“You’re very welcome, Finn.” Jessika tucked the mirror away, standing to meet Poe, almost at eye level. “Now, about our agreement…”

 

“Yeah, yeah, here you go, as promised.” Poe slipped a hand into the deep pocket of his flightsuit, pulling out a small wrench and placing it in her eager hand.

 

“Thanks much!” Jessika tucked the wrench into her own pocket.

 

“You paid her with a wrench?” Finn asked, a hint of laughter in his tone.

 

“It’s the only one I was missing!” Jessika opened another tool kit, removing a roll of gauze, scissors, and tape. “I’m gonna bandage you up, alright Finn? You have to take care of your new tat, that means keeping it dry, applying cream, no picking as it scabs, and try to not let it get too wet. Okay?”

 

“Can do.”

 

Jessika began rolling the gauze around Finn's bicep, forming a snug fitting layer over the fresh wound, snipping off the excess, and then taping it up.

 

Finn looked up at Poe, glowing with pride. It wasn’t his work exactly, but it was his idea and it looked even better than he had imagined. He felt free, like the burden of his memories were almost completely gone. He could imagine himself wearing short-sleeved shirts with no fear, of his past being known, of being judged.

 

He was Finn now, through and through; no one else. No numbers, no helmet, belonging to no one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's Finn's final tattoo design! http://i.imgur.com/lNmp9fJ.jpg


	13. Bad habits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another short one, venturing a wee bit into Poe's bad habits! Cigarettes are bad kids, stick to weed ;)

Finn finished helping the cleaning crew earlier today, and had nothing else planned. His usual training session was earlier this morning, and dinner wasn’t for another few hours. So, he decided to go visit Poe, having a feeling he’d be out on the runway where the X-Wings were.

 

He moseyed through the corridors, observing the other humans, humanoids, and aliens alike that walked by, the labels on the doors, the scents that he passed though. Finn loved taking it all in, enjoying the moments he had to just watch, being a part of something so much more than he would have imagined before.

 

He shifted his arm slightly, feeling the pull of his still tender flesh under the jacket on his left shoulder. He’d been doing his best to take care of it, having Poe help him apply the cream when it felt dry, not showering for too long, all the stuff that Jessika told him to do. But _kriff_ , it was still so sore.

 

Eventually Finn found his way to the open hangar, wandering past the stationary starfighters and X-Wings, past the other pilots and maintenance crew members, and out into the fresh open air. He looked around, searching for the familiar head of wavy black hair amongst the other orange jumpsuits.

 

His eye caught him, Poe standing just out of the way in the grass, his back to Finn. He headed over, his smile growing as he got closer to the absent-minded pilot.

 

But then he smelled it, something… sort of musky? Not sweet, very bitter smelling, and smoky, like ash.

 

Poe turned around, something burning hanging out of his mouth. What was that?

 

“Oh, hey man. I didn’t expect to see you so soon,” Poe smiled, removing the burning stick from his mouth and blowing smoke from his lips, over his shoulder. “How are you?”

 

“What is that?” Finn wrinkled his nose giving a confused look.

 

Poe’s expression turned blank, slightly surprised. “Oh. Right. Uh, it’s a cigarette. It’s filthy, I know, but I only have one once in a blue moon…”

 

“What are you doing with it?” Finn watched as Poe put the cigarette back to his lips, taking a short drag and exhaling smoke again. He looked… kind of attractive? ( _not that Poe wasn’t always attractive_ ) Why was it filthy to do something that looked so enticing? Though it did smell sort of strange.

 

“You uh, inhale the smoke,” Poe took another short drag, this time letting the smoke vent through his nose, separating into two columns of grey cloud. “It’s really, really not good for you, but—”

 

“Can I try?” Finn’s face looked eager, his eyes flitting back and forth between Poe’s lips and the lit, hand-rolled cigarette poised gracefully between two fingers.

 

“Are you sure? I don’t want you getting into the habit, too."

 

Finn nodded. "I just want to try it, there's so much I've never tried. It looks... odd."

 

Poe laughed, rubbing a hand over his face. _Goddamn, how could one man be this cute?_ "Yeah, yeah okay sure. But don't do too much at once, just inhale a little bit."

 

Finn grinned as Poe passed the cigarette to him carefully. He held it awkwardly, using his thumb and forefinger to hold it at the filter.

 

"I just inhale?"

 

"Pretty much." Poe placed one hand on Finn's hip, watching as he brought it to his mouth.

 

Finn placed the filter on his bottom lip, closing his mouth slightly and inhaling. The warm smoke rushed through his mouth and into his lungs, the bitter flavour wrapping around his tongue just as quickly.

 

"Okay, and then breathe out, please not in my face!" Poe laughed, warm and deep, the sound resonating through Finn's chest as he felt the hot smoke leave his body and cloud the air around them. He coughed a bit, feeling a slight sting in the back of his throat.

 

"Did I do it wrong?"

 

"Nah, don't worry! Anyone who smokes coughs from time to time." Poe took the cigarette back, took a long drag, and then stomped it out on the pavement under his heavy boot. "What'd you think?"

 

"Kinda gross, to be honest." Finn scrunched half of his face, confused as to why anyone would want to do that often, or at all.

 

"You get used to it, though that's not saying much. I just find it relaxing, I guess." Poe shrugged, leading Finn back across the tarmac to his X-Wing. "You wanna go for a quick spin? I just finished tuning her up."

 

Finn loved the way Poe winked at him, like he was letting him in on some sort of secret. "Sounds good to me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mostly just wrote this chapter because of THIS DAMN PHOTO https://40.media.tumblr.com/3ef28d9bb57dede81ab66aca3dd11653/tumblr_nlj1401uvn1u6fjyao2_500.png


	14. Comfort

The darkness is comforting, a familiar friend Finn had come to know over his time as a Stormtrooper. He spent much of his time busy with his assigned duties and training, but when he was dismissed, allowed a moment alone, he enjoyed the dark. Sleeping in shared barracks was standard, so he grew accustomed to the sounds of others sleeping nearby. The stillness of the air, the soft puffs of breath, the occasional snore, and creaking as bodies shifted unconsciously under the sheets. Finn would often lie awake to enjoy the silence, it was a smothering comfort.

 

It went without saying that he felt his most relaxed in the presence of others. He'd made many friends in the Resistance base, his new home, like Jessika and BB-8, but Finn spent most of his time with Poe.

 

Lately, they'd started sleeping together. No, the standard issue cot was not large enough for the pair of them, so Poe had begun dragging his mattress onto the floor nightly to ensure he could stay as close to Finn as possible. Finn always assumed it was for his benefit, with him not being used to sleeping alone at all, let alone in such a new place. He didn't realize that really, Poe was thankful to have the opportunity for himself.

 

**/**

 

At about 0200 hours, Finn was woken from the lighter stages of his sleep by quiet groaning, followed by barely audible sobbing. He sat upright, anxious to discover where the sounds could possibly be coming from. He soon realized it was in fact his sleeping partner, his body rolled the other way, back facing Finn and curled into an almost fetal position.

 

Finn paused, rubbing sleep-filled eyes with balled up fists before trying to decide what he should do. They both wore white t-shirts and boxers, the sheets white and the mattresses too, the rest of their bodies seeming to blend away into the darkness.

 

He reached out, placing a warm palm on Poe's shoulder, trying to sooth without waking him. Responding to his touch, Poe only shuddered, his figure remaining hunched over under the blanket. Finn frowned, unsure of how to comfort his partner; he's really never done this before, sleeping with someone else was entirely new to him.

 

The sobs had gotten worse, and had turned into incoherent mumbling that sounded like pleading. He shook Poe's shoulder, trying to wake him.

 

Poe awoke with a start, sweat shining along his brow.

 

"Are... you okay?" Finn asked tentatively.

 

Poe looked around for a moment, scratching at his face, his breathing steadying. "Uhh, yeah, yeah I'm fine, man."

 

"You sure? You were shaking, I didn't know what else to do..." Finn touched Poe's hand, seeking the comforting gesture he'd grown so fond of.

 

Poe seemed to mull over his thoughts, not looking directly at Finn's face. "I keep having nightmares. I don't really know what else to do about them, they're always sort of the same thing."

 

"What happens?" Finn linked his fingers through Poe's and leaned his head on the other man's shoulder.

 

Poe smiled at the warmth of Finn's hand, his heart rate slowing to a comfortable pace. "It's all just Kylo Ren. The interrogation before you came for me. The... way he used the force, to cause pain, to injure. It was inhuman."

 

Finn was silent for a moment, reflecting on his life under the First Order. He'd never really come into contact with Kylo Ren before the incident in the Starkiller Base forest, and before that on Jakku. He'd never known fear quite like he did in that moment, his hands cold like the snow around them, his entire body tight with fear. Yes, he could see the phrase 'inhuman' fitting here.

 

"I know," was about all Finn could manage, biting his lip as he searched for better words. "I only wish I could have helped you sooner."

 

Poe grimaced at the thought, he couldn't stand Finn feeling any guilt for how the past events unfolded. "Man, _nothing_ could have worked out better, you were my knight in shining armour."

 

Finn laughed at the idea, "Not sure about 'knight', but I suppose I was in shining armour," he flopped back down into his pillow.

 

Poe hummed, finding his way into the crook of Finn's arm.

 

"Sure as hell glad I'm here and not stuck on Jakku," Finn stared at the ceiling.

 

Poe laughed softly. "So am I. I love you, Finn."

 

Finn felt his stomach tighten, never truly having heard that phrase much at all, let alone directed at him. He wanted to reciprocate, to make sure Poe knew he felt the same, but suddenly his mouth wouldn't work. Finn held his breath for what felt like forever, his mind screaming to push the words through his teeth.

 

"It's okay, you don't have to say anything," Poe wrapped an arm around Finn's stocky torso. "I'm sure you've never really heard it, but, I just want you to know I do. I love you, for everything you are. I'm glad you're here in this bed and not on Jakku."

 

Finn inhaled sharply, his eyes prickling and his breathing turning uneven.

 

Poe sat up to see tears stream down Finn's cheeks down to his earlobes, onto the pillow.

 

"Hey, hey! Don't cry! Buddy, Finn, come on, don't..." Poe cradled Finn's face gently, kissing his cheeks and wiping the tears away with his thumbs. "You are worthy of so much love, I never want you questioning that, okay?"

 

Finn nodded silently, reaching up to throw sturdy arms around Poe's neck. He finally felt like he could speak, though his voice felt tight. "I love you. I just don't know how to do... this. I've never had anything like this."

 

"It's okay, you have all the time in the galaxy to figure everything out," Poe ran a hand down Finn's back, rubbing sweeping circles over the soft fabric. “I want you to feel like you can do it all at your own pace, yeah?”

 

“Yeah…”

 

Finn let Poe guide them back down under the covers, curling up on his side to lay one arm across Poe’s chest and a leg bent up over his thighs.

 

“I sleep easier with you here, you know,” Poe mumbled in Finn’s ear, his voice warm and husky.

 

“Mmm, me too,” Finn felt his thoughts fading, the silence of the room overpowering him once again.

 

“G’night, Finn.”

 

“Night, Poe.”


	15. Under the stars pt. 1

Rey hummed to herself, brushing a stray lock of dark hair away from her face. The sunny day was paired with a cool breeze, and the clouds overhead blocked the sun momentarily as her and Finn took a break from their sparring together.

 

“I’m not entirely sure,” she finally said, leaning on her bow staff. Rey had pared down to simply a high-neck, sleeveless white top and camel pants that were loose in the hips and wrapped snuggly around her calves.

 

The question she was answering was _what could I do to take Poe on a date?_

 

Finn frowned, taking a swig of water from the bottle on the ground nearby. “I just don’t know what people normally do on dates.”

 

“And you think I do?” Rey folded her arms as she took a seat in the green grass beneath them.

 

Finn laughed. “I guess not. We’re both sort of clueless about this stuff, huh?”

 

Rey nodded sagely.

 

Finn flopped down in the grass next to her, letting his arms fall open at his sides, his brow sweaty. The sleeveless top he wore was damp with sweat patches, his exposed bicep bandaged to protect his new tattoo.

 

“I want to do something nice for him. I feel like it’s my turn now.”

 

“Were the flowers not sufficient?” Rey picked at one of the similar white flowers near them.

 

“Sure, he liked them, but I can do something cooler than that, can’t I?”

 

“I suppose.”

 

The two were silent for a while, taking comfort in each other’s company.

 

“I heard he likes camping.”

 

Finn turned his head. “Camping? Like, sleeping outside?”

 

Rey nodded. “I think some people just do it for enjoyment, though, not out of necessity.”

 

“Yeah, Poe’s mentioned that before…” Finn thought for a moment, trying to picture the perfect scenario in his head. “Alright, I think I’ve got a plan. I just need to ask for some favours…”

 

 

**/**

One automated weather cover ( _also known as an ‘electronic tent’_ ), two sleeping bags, two pillows, two sets of dishes, two packs of instabread, two prepackaged sourfrys, two bottles of Rhuvian fizz, one packet of instant caf, one fire-starting kit, and one radio; is what Finn managed to collect over the week following his conversation with Rey. He’d had to beg, bargain, trade, and sneak things out, but had managed to acquire a decent amount of equipment and food for his planned night of camping under the stars.

 

Finn wanted to make everything perfect for Poe, but was just as excited to experience camping for the first time himself. He’d never had the freedom to go outside and sleep wherever he pleased. Was that something people did often? Did people plan camping trips together, in groups? Were there places people considered ‘ideal’ for camping?

 

Finn really didn’t know the answer to a lot of these questions. He’d asked Jessika about it, and her only advice was to “ _make sure you went somewhere far from the base so you can actually see the stars, there’s too much light pollution here_ ”, which made sense enough.

 

So, on one of his afternoons off, Finn took a long walk through the forest to find the perfect spot. He hiked over tall hills and through broken branches and logs, doing his best to not get lost along the way. Eventually he came across a mid-sized clearing covered in grass with small patches of flowers and a clear view of the sky above.

 

Finn turned back on his heel and headed back to base, the sun setting overhead and the stars shining at his back. His heart glowed with pride and excitement, to make the perfect ‘date’, to give back to Poe, to do something new.

 

 

**/**

 

_Poe,_

_Meet me at the hangar exit tonight at 1900 hours, I have a surprise for you. Bring your guitar!_

_Finn_

 

 

_PS. Tell BB-8 I’m sorry for leaving her out again._


	16. Under the stars pt. 2

“The trees here are always so beautiful this time of year,” Poe thought aloud as his eyes roamed over the multicoloured leaves, the sun fading around them. The warm breeze blew dark curls of hair over his forehead, his mouth held in a soft smile.

 

“Yeah, I thought so too,” Finn grinned to himself, pleased to know he chose a good time to plan a trip outdoors. “We’re almost there, I recognize that boulder.”

 

“Ah, good. I was beginning to wonder how far you were planning on taking me,” Poe pulled the strap over his shoulder to keep his guitar from slipping.

 

The two men continued through the forest until they finally reached the same clearing Finn had found a few days earlier.

 

Poe’s eyes lit up immediately.

 

A small fire pit had been formed off to one side, with both sleeping bags laid out along side it. The automated weather cover was set up just off of the fireside, ready to deploy were any rain to begin falling, and the food had been packed into a cooling case sat waiting for them.

 

“Is it alright?” Finn smiled sheepishly, spreading his arms out to present the scene before them.

 

Poe grinned practically ear to ear. “Man, it’s better than alright, it’s damn near perfect.”

 

Finn kissed Poe on the cheek, then walked over to the sleeping bag setup to start a fire.

 

“Where did you learn all of this? I’m guessing you didn’t exactly have camping 101 in the First Order.” Poe shrugged his guitar off, placing the wooden instrument away from the fire.

 

“I’m just a camping expert, can’t you tell?” Finn scoffed to himself. “Nah, I had to ask around a bit. I saw a photo in one of the books Jessika leant me, a family camping on Yavin, I think.” He caught a spark on the tinder he’d gathered, and managed to get a small crackle started. “I know how to survive outside, I just didn’t do it much for fun.”

 

Poe sighed, sitting cross-legged with his guitar in his lap. “There’s so much fun for you to have, buddy, you don’t even know the half of it.”

 

Finn looked up, the embers below glowing against his skin.

 

“That sounded kind of condescending. I just mean, there’s lots for you to experience, I want to make sure you get it all.” Poe strummed a few chords, enjoying the rich sound that resounded through the open air. He hadn’t shaved in a while, his beard a bit darker and thicker than he usually let it get. He’d changed out of his orange flightsuit and into a navy blue sweater, khaki pants, and his usual boots. Finn liked this outfit, it was different than the clothes he was used to seeing Poe in.

 

“Is that my shirt?” Poe noticed the split neckline of the grey top Finn had on, a little snugger around his body than Poe’s.

 

“Oh, uh yeah, I didn’t really have anything else to wear. I hope that’s okay?” Finn grimaced, feeling a little guilty.

 

“S’fine, looks better on you anyway,” Poe winked; playing a few more notes on his guitar as the sounds turned into more of a song.

 

“I dunno about that, you look pretty great in everything,” Finn smirked, “Or, y’know, in nothing.”

 

Poe gave a shocked look. "Finn!"

 

"I'm just being honest!" Finn threw his head back laughing. "Anyway, I've got food here, and drinks."

 

Finn reached for the cooler, opening the lid and producing one of the bottles, along with two plastic cups.

 

"They were all I could find, I know people usually use fancier cups when they have drinks like this."

 

"Hey, don't worry about it, these work fine!" Poe set his guitar aside before taking a cup, holding it still as Finn poured him a generous amount of Rhuvian fizz. "Cheers!"

 

Finn's face pulled into a confused expression. "Yes..."

 

"No, no, you say 'cheers' too, and then we clink glasses, like this!" Poe touched his cup to Finn's, then took a sip.

 

"Oh. Why?" Finn took a sip of his own, enjoying the slightly sweet, fizzy liquid.

 

Poe chuckled. "You know, I'm really not sure, it's just sorta what you do."

 

 

**/**

 

 

The sky had turned dark and rich, scattered with flecks of shining stars and fleeting glimpses of distant planets. The forest was quiet, save for the sounds of creaking insects. Finn lied in his sleeping bag, his face warm from the glow of the fire, his dark brown eyes fixed on Poe.

 

Strumming his guitar, Poe's eyes were obscured by thick lashes as he looked down at his lap.

 

 _"Home,_  
_is where I want to be,_  
_pick me up and turn me 'round._  
_I feel numb,_  
_born with a weak heart  
_ _Guess I must be having fun,"_

Finn let his eyes fall shut, the crackle of the fire keeping him warm. The guitar reverberated through his body, each chord like a familiar friend his ears have missed for so long.

 

The flickering waves of golden light danced over Poe like so much sunshine condensed into a single moment in time, while deep black darkness hugged at his sides, threatening to swallow them both in into it’s expanse. Finn swore, of all the new parts of his life, each one so shiny and bright, Poe was the brightest of it all. He glowed like a star through the fading darkness, his smile twinkling and optimistic, and his hand always close by to grasp Finn’s. It felt so easy, to suddenly forget everything before. Twenty-three years of solitude felt like another lifetime away, so easy to just let go of in this instant. In this moment, where everything felt perfect.

 

 _“The less we say about it the better_  
_Make it up as we go a-long_  
_Feet on the ground,_  
_head in the sky,_  
_It's okay,_  
_I know nothing's wrong,_  
_nothing… ”_

Finn waited for a pause in Poe’s singing, not wanting to interrupt the honey-sweet sound of his voice.

 

“I love you, Poe.”

 

The smooth guitar stuttered for a second, then returned to it’s previous pace.

 

“Yeah..?” Poe felt his voice catch in his throat. He didn’t know how to say it, but for Finn to do all this for him, and to come to the words on his own… it meant more than his heart could bear. “I love you too, Finn. Thank you, this whole night has been amazing, really.”

 

Finn felt like his heart was swelling out of his chest, so incredibly delighted to know he made Poe happy. His body felt even warmer, cozied up inside the sleeping bag next to the fire.

 

“Mind if I join you?” Poe put his guitar down and wiggled into his own sleeping bag adjacent to Finn. “Actually, I learned a neat trick if you wanna see.”

 

“Neat trick? In a sleeping bag?” Finn sat up to see what it could possibly be.

 

Poe unzipped the side of his, then Finn’s. He then held the exposed zips together, and zipped the two bags all the way along until they had become one giant sleeping bag.

 

“See, much better. I think so anyway.” Poe nosed at Finn’s cheek as he snuggled up close to him, feeling the heat radiating from both their bodies and the fire.

 

“The stars look incredible from here…” Finn speculated as he stared up at the sky, his arms folded up behind his head. “Nothing like they did before.” He didn’t really like saying the words; it was easier to just think of his life as ‘before’ and ‘now’.

 

Poe only hummed in agreement.

 

Finn turned his head to meet Poe’s, catching his lips in a tender kiss. “Mm, your beard is scratchy.”

 

“Heh, yeah, haven’t shaved in a while…”

 

“I like it. Mine doesn’t really grow that thick, it’s kind of patchy. Yours is nice.” Finn kissed him again, this time in the corner of his mouth.

 

“I’d like to see you with some scruff,” Poe mumbled as he pushed his lips back to Finn’s, his hands pressing against the small patch of exposed skin he could find between Finn’s waistband and hiked up shirt under the covers. “Y’know Finn, It’s so hard to keep my hands off you sometimes…”

 

Finn gasped as Poe’s mouth trailed from his cheeks to his neck, leaving tiny kisses as he moved to his throat.

 

“Y-yeah?” Finn fumbled for the edge of Poe’s sweater, lifting it up his shoulders and over his head, mourning the momentary loss of contact at his neck. “I could say the same.”

 

Poe groaned as he pushed Finn’s shirt up to his neck, not bothering to remove it fully. “Man, you’re too good, look at you…” He motioned to the expanse of beautiful dark skin that was Finn’s torso, disappearing into the sleeping bag. “You do awful things to me…”

 

“Awful?” Finn lifted his head slightly, suddenly very concerned.

 

“No! _Kriff,_ no, ‘awful’ like… it’s a good thing. You’re just so hard to resist, you’re so sweet, I just want you all to myself all the time.” Poe lavished Finn’s chest with kisses as he climbed on top of him, straddling the other man’s legs.

 

Finn bit his lip, feeling foolish as audible gasps slipped from his mouth at every bit of touch. His breath hitched in his throat as Poe flicked a tongue over his nipple, teasing gently at the pink nubs.

 

“You seem to love everything I do to you, I can’t tell what you like more.” Poe ran firm hands up Finn’s body until he reached his arms, still raised above his head. He took a risk, and gripped Finn’s wrists against the ground. “Is that alright? You can say no.”

 

“No, no I… I sort of like it?” Finn wiggled his fingers, not really fighting back but enjoying the sensation of immobility.

 

Poe’s eyes lit up, his smile crackling with life not unlike the fire earlier that evening, which was now fading into a small glowing ember. “Good, ‘cause kriff, I love having you like this.”

 

Poe released his grip on one of Finn’s arms just long enough to reach down between them and undo bother their trousers, his breathing turning heavy.

 

Finn watched with wide blown eyes as Poe freed both their erections beneath the covers of the sleeping bag; Finn’s dark and heavy, resting against his belly, while Poe’s contrasted lighter against his skin.

 

Poe brought his hand up, licked a swipe over his palm, and returned it beneath the covers, dragging a slick hand over Finn and himself. His thumb dragged over the tips, smearing precome down and over their lengths.

 

Finn struggled to keep himself from all but shouting out, his body still so responsive to any and all touch Poe gave him. His hips bucked up, unable to resist seeking more contact. He tilted his head, eager for Poe to kiss him again.

 

Poe obliged, and once he felt he’d made them both wet enough, returned his hand to Finn’s wrist, holding his arms down above his head as he kissed him senseless. He worked his hips, grinding his cock down over Finn’s over and over, giving no pause. Poe had every intention of working quick and hard, feeling every shiver and quake Finn made below him, against him.

 

Finn moaned into Poe’s mouth, sweat building along his brow as he focused on all the stimulation he was receiving at once. His hips worked into a rhythm along with Poe’s, picking up speed obscenely fast.

 

“You’re so fucking beautiful, Finn, _Finn…_ Perfect, y-you’re perfect, I love you so much, I do, I love you, I love you…” Poe gasped praise as he gripped Finn’s wrists tightly.

 

It was all too much, he didn’t last long, he couldn’t, and Finn was quickly tipping over the edge, his entire body tensing beneath Poe’s.

 

“Love y-you, I— _ah_ , coming, I’m _coming…_ ” Finn choked out as he came across his stomach and chest, painting Poe along with it.

 

Poe slowed his pace, thrusting leisurely as he watched Finn in awe.

 

Finn took deep breaths, trying to bring himself back into the moment. Before he could even offer, however, Poe had already released his grasp on Finn’s hands and had begun stroking himself at a vigorous pace.

 

Finn just watched in a warm haze as Poe brought himself to his own orgasm, his hips stuttering as he came hard onto the already sticky mess on Finn’s body.

 

Poe sighed, his head lolling forward as he worked to catch his breath.

 

Finn broke the silence, his mind finally less clouded. “That. I liked that.”

 

Poe chuckled roughly, scrubbing his clean hand through his hair to push it back. “Me too, buddy. That was really… really good.”

 

Finn slid the pillow out from under his head, pulled the case off, and balled it up to mop up the mess they had both made.

 

“I like watching you…” Finn blushed, unable to find the right words to say what he meant without sounding stupid. “Y’know…”

 

Poe flopped down beside him, his chest still heaving. “Yeah? I don’t mind _preforming_ for you.”

 

Finn scoffed at the word, though in his head he could only imagine how amazing that would be.

 

“Take your pants off,” Poe suggested as he pulled his sweater back over his head. “Then, sleep. I want to hold you.”

 

Finn grinned, he loved to be held, cuddled, snuggled, whatever Poe called it, he was up for it. He tugged his trousers off, adjusting his boxers, and put them in a pile along with Poe’s in the grass.

 

The fire had faded almost completely, with only faint traces of amber coloured ashes glowing in the heap. The stars overhead were full and bright, twinkling silver specks of distant places they could one day go.

 

“Thank you, Finn, this is the best camping trip I think I’ve ever been on.” Poe wrapped himself around Finn’s warm body, his arms holding loose around his shoulders.

 

Finn smiled, his eyes already fallen shut. The night swallowed them whole in velvety darkness as their breathing steadied, their minds fading, their bodies warm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poe is singing "This Must Be The Place" by Talking Heads ;) https://youtu.be/pVrVY540xdc


	17. Under the stars, epilogue.

Poe awoke to rain, pattering against the clear screen of the automated weather cover above them. The faint smell of smoke and dew greeted him, along with the sun rising against the pale grey-blue sky above the trees. Poe smiled to himself, taking a moment to enjoy the sounds of birds in the distance, and Finn snoring softly beside him.

 

A moment he wished he could catch in a bottle, capture it and frame it, keep it forever. Poe breathed deeply, pulling Finn closer and curling into the warmth of his body.

 

They had nowhere else to be, it was still early. The universe could wait a few more hours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to write a longer chapter here originally, but when it came down to it, what else was there to say?


	18. Rumours

“Y’know,” Karé Kun muses through a mouthful of qrikki, “Poe’s sure had a lot of boyfriends. And girlfriends. And other…. _friends_.”

 

Jessika Pava laughed, eating her own helping of today’s lunch. “He’s Poe Hot _DAMN_ eron, king of the bedposts!”

 

“More like Ho Dameron. I heard he’s knocked boots in at least four galaxies.”

 

“Four? I’ve heard six.”

 

“He’s so suave, I bet he could charm the pants off a service droid!”

 

Both women laughed, washing their food down with swigs from their small plastic cups. Finn was eating lunch with some of the other crew and pilots, enjoying the hot meal he got to pick for himself. He was finally starting to feel included, though now, he sat awkwardly, trying to follow the conversation as best he could.

 

_Poe was… a 'hoe'? And he’d travelled to four, possibly six, different galaxies to… sleep with other people. Okay…_

 

“When’d he do that?” Finn managed to say with a level voice, doing his best to sound disinterested and merely making conversation.

 

Jessika nudged Karé in the ribs. “Oh, well, I’d say the last time was… Say, do you remember, Karé?”

 

Karé pretended to ponder for a moment. “I’d say like three months ago? Maybe two, I’m not entirely sure, flyboy sure does get around.”

 

Finn pushed his food around his plate, wondering if he should believe what the other pilots had to say about Poe. Maybe they were just pushing his buttons? But… he also hadn’t really known Poe for all that long; he’d only been on D’Qar for… three months?

 

Maybe he didn’t know Poe as well as he thought he did.

 

“So, how’s that ink healing up, Finn?”

 

Finn looked up from his tray, his mind so preoccupied with other thoughts, he barely caught what she said. “Sorry, what?”

 

“Your tattoo,” Jessika tilted her head to motion towards his arm. “Is it looking alright?”

 

“Didn’t know you gave the ex-Order kid a tat…” Karé mumbled, a trace of bitterness in her tone.

 

“His name is _Finn,_ come on,” Jessika rolled her eyes. “And yes, I did. He wanted a cover up, so I helped out.”

 

“Thanks, Jess.” Finn smiled, “Yeah, it’s doing pretty well, it’s all mostly peeled.”

 

“Ew.” Karé gave a disapproving look. “Well, I’m sure your _boyfriend_ thinks it looks good, huh?”

 

Finn squinted, unsure of what he should even say to that. He decided against saying anything, and simply stood up with his tray, leaving the table.

 

“See you later, Finn?” Jessika called after him.

 

He didn’t even look over his shoulder, he felt so uncomfortable.

 

 

**/**

Later that evening, Finn was helping out in the main floor washrooms, scrubbing the tiles down on his hands and knees.

 

Usually, he would try to make conversation with the other crew members, but found himself feeling slightly more absent that evening. He focused his attention to the grout, letting his mind meditate in the scrubbing motions, trying his best to concentrate on anything other than what he’d heard earlier that afternoon.

 

He paused, however, when he realized two of the other men were talking about Poe. _Again._

“That guy’s got a real thing for the new fellas, huh?”

 

“Whaddya mean?”

 

“Well, last I heard, he was in love with that girl, what was her name? Sena, I think. She was some piece of ass, I tell ‘ya.”

 

“He always got the good ones.”

 

The sound of splashing water, and someone giggling.

 

“Whatever, now he’s with this kid, who’s like, what, an ‘ex-Stormtrooper’? Like we’re supposed to believe—”

 

“ _Shhh!_ You know he’s workin’ with us, right?”

 

“Whatever, he’s probably a mole, let him listen.”

 

Finn felt his eyes stinging. No, no he wasn’t crying, it was just the soap, all those chemicals.

 

He finished scrubbing stall C, then left, the rest of his work unfinished.

 

 

**/**

  
Finn lied face down in his mattress, pushed to the corner of the room, behind the cot. He didn’t want to be visible when the door opened, and he’d secretly hoped Poe would be too busy to come back to sleep that night. He didn’t really know how to talk to Poe about how he felt, about the things he’d heard. He felt sick, like he was holding onto some sort of secret he wasn’t supposed to find out. He’d never really known fidelity before, besides loyalty to the Order, so it seemed strange that it would hurt as bad as it did. But the more he pictured Poe’s endearing eyes, the way he bit his lip, the feeling of being clapped on the back or told he’d done something right… Finn felt like he was the only one who got that sort of treatment from _the_ Poe Dameron. ‘The’, because, well, he seemed pretty infamous to everyone around base, and ‘the’ because he was _the_ best pilot in the galaxy, apparently.

 

 _Kriff,_ of course he is. Why would _the_ best pilot in the galaxy be interested in just _him?_ He’s had everyone, apparently, so why would he settle for someone who’s never done just about anything? God, Finn was such a nerf herder.

 

Finn groaned aloud and buried his face into his pillow, rolling over to cover himself with the blanket. He just wanted to curl up and disappear. Maybe he should just leave, find a way to take a ship and go somewhere _else._ Not that he knows how to fly but… he could figure it out.

 

The sound of the door clunking open startled Finn, pulling the covers tighter over the back of his head to avoid looking at whoever had entered ( _as if he didn’t know it was Poe, it was just slightly easier to imagine it was opening by mistake_ ).

 

Footsteps, and then silence, and then the sound of fabric shuffling.

 

“Finn? You… okay?”

 

A warm hand through the sheets, grazing over his back, making his muscles twitch. Finn didn’t respond, he didn’t really know how to say he wasn’t okay.

 

“Why’d you move your bed all the way over here, buddy? There’s not much room, I can’t lie down with you here.”

 

Finn let out a soft “ _mmm”,_ turning his head but still refusing to move the covers. He could see Poe’s shadow through the blanket, casting its shape over his back and beside him.

 

More footsteps, and then the familiar creaking sound of Poe sitting on his cot, clunking as he removed his boots, and then more silence.

 

“I can’t help you if I don’t know what’s wrong. Are you sick? Do you need something?”

 

Finn shook his head under the sheets.

 

“Okay… is it actually you under there? I can’t really tell, you haven’t said a word.”

 

Finn felt the bottom of the blanket lift, he reflexively recoiled his legs into his chest.

 

“Alright, I see some skin, I know it’s you,” Poe laughed warmly, trying to lighten the mood. “Did someone say something to you? I won’t let them do shit to you, you know that. I can go talk to them for you, if you want.”

 

Finn groaned, feeling foolish at this point. He sat up, but still remained facing the wall, his head bowed, kneeling on his mattress with his covers over his shoulders.

 

“You look like a Jedi.”

 

Finn couldn’t help but laugh at that. “No, no one said anything to… Well, I mean, I guess they did, but it wasn’t about me.” He turned around, sitting cross-legged on the bed in the corner of the room. He felt small, ridiculous, humiliated.

 

“Oh? Well…” Poe smiled, his eyes crinkling into that oh-so familiar shape Finn had come to love so much, leaning on his elbows against his legs. He wore just a white t-shirt and his khaki trousers, while his hair was mussed back into a sweep of dark curls. “What did they say? Couldn’t have been good, considering it has you feeling like this.”

 

Finn looked at his hands, wracking his brain to find the correct words. How did other people deal with this? Did they fight? Was this normal? He decided to start simply.

 

“I was eating lunch with Jess and Karé.”

 

“Uh huh? That sounds nice, glad to hear it.”

 

Finn winced at the smooth friendliness of Poe’s voice, it made it hurt so much more than he already did. “And they talked about things. Things about you.”

 

Poe’s smile faded slightly, becoming apprehensive about where this was headed. “Oh…?”

 

“Yeah. They were making jokes, they had nicknames for you.”

 

“I have a few of those.”

 

“They weren’t really good ones.”

 

“No?”

 

“No.”

 

“Oh.”

 

Silence.

 

The silence was like a knife, digging itself deeper into Finn’s gut as he continued to avoid Poe’s gaze.

 

“Come on, look at me. Don’t do this, I don’t know what I did, but don’t treat me like this, please?”

 

Finn’s heart ached; he couldn’t stand the dejection in Poe’s voice, pleading with him to just _look_ at him.

 

Finn finally looked up, hurting even more at the sight of Poe’s eyes, heavy and just _sad_. Poe ran a hand over his face, scrubbing through his hair.

 

“What did they say? What made you hate me this much?”

 

Finn jumped at the word. “I don’t hate you! I could never _hate you!_ I just…” He sighed, trying to be as upfront as he could manage. “They said you’ve been with lots of people, in six different galaxies. That you were… ‘hitting boots’ with lots of people.”

 

Finn flinched at his own words, feeling even worse as he saw them almost physically affect Poe.

 

“… They called you ‘Ho’.”

 

Poe sighed, letting his head fall into his hands. “And how did that come up, exactly?”

 

Finn paused, recalling the conversation. “I’m not entirely sure, they were just trying to bother me, I think. I guess it worked.”

 

“And that’s what’s upsetting you now?”

 

Finn twisted his fingers in his hands, suddenly fascinated by his own cuticles. “Well, yes and no. Some of the cleaning guys were talking about you, too.”

 

“Seriously?” Poe groaned.

 

“They mentioned a girl named Sena. Said you…” Finn swallowed thickly. “Said you loved her.”

 

The room was silent again, and Finn just wanted to crawl back under his covers and really, _really_ disappear. He hated seeing Poe like this, like he was wounded.

 

“I told you I’ve been with other people before.”

 

“I know,” Finn answered quickly. “It was just strange to hear them call you those things. _Six_ galaxies? Really?”

 

“Finn, please.” Poe stood up, folding his arms over his chest. He looked irritated now, pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers. “You’re listening to this _purella-shit_ from other people, and… I don’t know what to say, I’m just hurt that you didn’t talk to me first.”

 

Finn protested, “I did want to talk to you first! This is me talking to you, isn’t it?”

 

“Yeah, sure, but I find you in here, all holed up like you’re sick. I don’t want to do that to you! How am I supposed to talk to you when you’re like that? You’re making me feel awful…” Poe moved across the room, crouching in front of Finn. His voice was softer now, like he thought he might hurt him. “What about those things bothered you so much?”

 

Finn inhaled, taking a moment to consider his thoughts. “I just… It feels weird knowing I’m not the only one you talk to like this, that you treat like this. Makes me wonder why you’re interested in me at all. Maybe you just feel sorry for me, I dunno.”

 

“ _Finn_ …” Poe fell to his knees; he looked like he was practically begging. “Finn, because I love you. I don’t know how else to say it, but I’ll spend forever trying to find new ways if it’ll make you happy. Sure, yes, I’ve been with others, but being with them in the past just helped me see how amazing _you are_ now. You’re everything to me, don’t you know that?”

 

Finn felt his chest tighten, his mouth suddenly unable to work.

 

“Look, I can’t lie and say that stuff never happened. Well, I can say the ‘six galaxies’ part is a total lie, I don’t know where they got that from. But, I can promise you that I mean every word of what I say to you, and I’m not just with you out of pity, because there’s nothing _to pity._ You’re incredible! You’re brave, and strong, and so, _so_ smart. I’m with you because I want your amazing self in my life. Don’t doubt that, please?”

 

Finn reached forward and took Poe’s hands, smoothing his thumb over his knuckles. “I won’t, I’m sorry. I’m really sorry, I didn’t… I love you.”

 

Poe kissed him, soft and sweet, his lips warm against Finn’s skin. “I love you too. So much. Don’t feel sorry; just don’t worry like that again, okay? I can’t stand the thought of you resenting me like that.”

 

Finn leaned his head on Poe’s shoulder. “I won’t.”

 

Poe sighed, pulling Finn closer to his chest. “Let’s go to bed, okay? All I wanted to do when I got back was spoon you. Can we move this mattress?”

 

“Yeah, of course.”

 

“Good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, but I figured it was time for a little hurt/comfort... >:3 (not sorry)


	19. Communal showers

Poe stretched tall, his arms taut straight over his head. He wiped sweat from his brow, dark curls sticking to his skin. The sun shone bright and hot above him, onto the tarmac, radiating from the metal of the X-Wings parked on top. It was a particularly hot day, and everyone was avoiding working outside as much as possible. Poe, however, didn't have that luxury. He worked with the younger pilots, tinkering away on their starfighters, giving lessons, and watching from the ground as they practiced flying overhead. In all honesty, Poe loved the work he did, and wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. Except right now, maybe he'd trade it for a dip in a cold lake. And Finn, he'd like to swim with Finn.

 

 _Has Finn ever been swimming_? He thought, suddenly unsure if he even knew _how_ to swim. He should find out some time soon.

 

Poe unzipped his flight suit, tying the arms around his waist, exposing the snug grey tank beneath, already soaked with sweat. BB-8 chirped happily as it rolled around the pavement, following Poe wherever his work took him. As much as he wished he could have Finn close by all the time, BB-8 made for a morale-boosting companion.

 

“C’mon BB, last practice flight for the day, let’s make it quick!”

 

 

**/**

 

 

Finn had tried to wiggle out of sparring practice today, he really didn't think he'd be very good trying to keep focused when it must have been 200 degrees outside. But, Rey was persistent, and didn't see why he was being so fussy. It got much hotter on Jakku, so this was nothing.

 

The pair fought for about an hour, both using bow staffs, both fairly equally matched. Rey enjoyed sparring with Finn, he was actually a worthy opponent. His combat skills were well honed from years of training under the First Order, though he usually preferred to just use a blaster.

 

"You can't be tired already?" Rey said cheekily, placing her hands on her hips.

 

Finn panted, wiping sweat from his face and bending over to grasp his knees. "You bet I am..." He reached for his bottle of water, no longer as cold as it was earlier.

 

"I'm not sure how you managed to hike across Jakku, then."

 

"To be honest... me either." Finn flopped into the grass, tugging his sweat-soaked shirt over his head.

 

Rey quietly took a seat next to Finn. "Are you feeling alright?"

 

"Yeah? What do you mean?"

 

"It's just that you've seemed very absent minded. I thought something might be troubling you."

 

Finn was silent for a few moments, picking at the grass. "I just had a bit of a... disagreement, with Poe."

 

"What sort of 'disagreement'?" Rey raised her eyebrows.

 

Finn sighed. "It was totally my fault. I heard other people telling stories about how he used to be with other people. It made me jealous, I reacted poorly."

 

"You were jealous because...?"

 

Finn shrugged. "Because I didn't like the idea of him being like that with someone else. Of loving someone else."

 

Rey contemplated Finn's words for a minute, leaning back on her elbows. "It's normal for people to get jealous," she said cooly, her eyes not moving from the sky. "People, humans especially, are possessive and weak. We all want to feel like we're special."

 

"I've never really been special before."

 

"But Poe makes you feel like you are."

 

Finn nodded.

 

"If he told you not to worry, then perhaps you should do as he says."

 

Finn nodded again, unsure of what to say.

 

"Well, let's get back to it. One more round, come on!" Rey stood and offered her hand, hoisting Finn back up to his feet.

 

 

**/**

 

 

By the time both men had returned 'home', the sweat had soaked through most of their clothing and dried, leaving a pungent, lingering scent. It was later than usual, everyone else in the base had already eaten dinner and cleaned up, retiring to their bunks for the rest of the night.

 

BB-8 spent the first few minutes rolling around the room aimlessly before picking a spot to settle into and turn down to low power. Poe was resting on the cot, an arm tossed over his eyes, and his shirt tossed across the room.

 

Finn struggled to not stare.

 

"I'm gonna go shower," he said, grabbing his towel and shower kit.

 

Poe moved his arm to catch Finn's gaze. "I have an idea."

 

Finn smirked and held his arms out. "Look at me, I'm disgusting. At least let me shower first, yeah?"

 

Poe laughed as he sat up. "Hey, I'd be down either way, but that's not what I meant. No one's in the showers this time of night, and the basement one is actually seldom used. We could go together." An eyebrow wiggle, all too charming as usual.

 

Finn was slightly unsure of what that meant, he'd never really bathed with another person before ( _if you didn't count the communal showers he used his whole life as a Stormtroope_ r). What did Poe mean by that?

 

"Uh, sure? Is that something people normally do?"

 

Poe laughed, standing to grab his own towel. "Sure, why not? I like spending time with you, I like spending time with you _naked_ even more."

 

Finn flushed, letting Poe lead the way out the door.

 

 

**/**

 

 

Poe lead Finn into the empty shower room, its white titled walls and floors echoing their footsteps and the quiet drips of the faucets. They laid their towels across the benches before stripping down.

 

Poe smiled, a small twinkle in his eye as he pulled his tank over his head, then taking a seat on the bench to remove his boots before moving on to unzip his trousers.

 

Finn took in the sight, taking off his own sweaty clothing. He removed the white t-shirt he wore, revealing the smooth expanse of dark skin beneath, save for the pale scar in his left shoulder, and the newly healed tattoo on his right.

 

Sitting in nothing but his boxer briefs, Poe watched patiently as Finn stripped down in front of him. "You know, I never get tired of seeing you naked."

 

"You just like looking at my ass," His mouth turned up into a devilish smirk.

 

Poe laughed, the sound bouncing off the tiled walls around them. "Yeah, yeah, I guess that's true. Doesn't mean that's the only part I like, though."

 

Finn peeled off his white briefs, leaving himself completely exposed. "So... are we showering?"

 

Poe wore a dopey grin. "Yeah..." He could feel himself getting hard, but willed it away. That wasn't his plan for now, maybe later, soon even, but not now. His eyes followed as Finn walked away, turning on one of the showers and standing just out of the way as the water heated up.

 

Finn suddenly began to feel extremely self-conscious. “Is… is this just a show for you? I didn’t know that’s what you wanted.”

 

Poe stood up abruptly, tugging his own underwear off at X-Wing speed. “No! I just got distracted, _kriff_ , sorry, sorry…” He hurried to meet Finn at the same showerhead, placing cool palms along his shoulders from behind. “Sorry, let’s wash up.”

 

Finn nodded, stepping into the now sufficiently warm water.

 

Poe’s eyes wandered down the long, jagged scar of pale scar tissue that trailed down the expanse of Finn’s spine, healing, but still a grim reminder of the battle he had faced. The warm water trickled over smooth shoulders and down his back, running along the scar and following the curves of his shoulder blades, the dip of his spine.

 

He moved into to press against Finn’s back, the water pouring over both of them, drenching his curly hair and face.

 

“Mm, I see, this is what you had in mind.” Finn looked over his shoulder, his eyes softer than they were earlier. He seemed relaxed, his body less tense. Or maybe that was just the hot water, Poe couldn’t be sure.

 

Poe just smiled sweetly in response, bending slightly to grab the spongy loofa and bottle of liquid soap. He poured a generous amount into the curly cleaning tool, and put the bottle back down. “Now, are you a top-down kinda man, or ‘whatever stinks most’?”

 

“Well, before, showers were restricted to being short and to the point. So, usually I’d just scrub top down to make sure I’d get everywhere,” Finn let his eyes wander, enjoying the sight of the very naked, _very wet_ man standing oh, so close to him. “But I’ve started slowing down a little more lately… It’s kind of a new thing for me.”

 

Poe sighed, slicking his hair back out of his face. “Well, I’m going to take my sweet time with you, babe.”

 

Finn blushed at the pet name.

 

“Am I really that  _persuasive?_ ” Poe winked, hinting at the swelling erection between the other man’s legs. He didn’t give him a chance to answer, however, quickly getting to work on scrubbing Finn’s body down, starting from the centre of his chest.

 

Finn held his arms out, letting Poe scrub small circles over his chest, into his armpits and down his sides, the soap lathering into thick foam that coated his skin. This… this was strange. Not bad-strange, but new-strange. Finn had never had someone clean him like this, like they cared, like they were enjoying just the act of caring for him.

 

Poe leaned in, his lips finding Finn’s as his hands formed large circles over his torso, his body pressing in to catch some of the soap himself. The kiss was slow, both their eyes falling shut as the hot water streamed over their heads and down their bodies. It usually wasn’t all that evident, but standing this close made Finn realize how much shorter Poe was than him; just a few inches, but enough that it was noticeable. Finn smiled against Poe’s mouth, wrapping strong arms around his wet body to tug him closer.

 

Once they parted, Poe slid downward, dragging the soap down along with him. He scrubbed down Finn’s chiseled abs ( _Poe bit his lip every time he so much as thought of them_ ) and encircled his groin with bubbles, appreciating the twitches from Finn’s half-heavy cock. He did his best to ignore it, focusing his attention on nothing but making sure Finn was thoroughly cleaned. He scrubbed long stripes up, down, and around Finn's legs, taking mental notes in how defined his quads were, the way they flowed in an elegant curve downward into slender calves. He was a tad jealous; Finn's body was a marvel to him, so beautifully formed and maintained.

 

Poe rose, sliding warm and wet hands back up his body. "Turn around, I'll get your back."

 

Finn felt his face soften, the tenderness of Poe's voice making him melt. "Yeah, just be careful, y'know..."

 

"Of course, just tell me if I hurt you." Poe started slowly, letting the soap fall in thick sheets downward.

 

Finn leaned into every touch, enjoying the tight circles Poe massaged into his shoulders. He closed his eyes, hearing nothing but the running water, feeling nothing but the scrub of the loofa and the other man's fingers. He really felt like he could melt on the spot, his muscles relaxing with every new spot Poe scrubbed.

 

The scar was mostly healed, edges turning a mid-brown tone and blending between the paler pinks and whites. The skin was pulled taut, woven like tight lacing down Finn's back. Poe could see how the medical staff had stitched him back up, smaller pockmarks left where the bandages and repairs were made. He took his time, gently pulling the soap with his hands over the sensitive tissue. The foam ran down the dip of his spine, rolling over the swell of his gluts and onto the tiled floor, leading Poe downward to finish his work. He scrubbed at his own body as well, quickly getting himself out of the way.

 

Finn felt a light kiss on the back of his neck, prompting him to turn around again to face Poe. His eyes looked heavier now, his lashes stuck together in thicker sections.

 

"All clean?" Finn said thickly, wanting to nothing more than to kiss Poe's perfect face.

 

"All clean," Poe repeated. "Want me to do your hair now?"

 

Finn's smile pulled to one side. "Sure..." He reached for the larger clear bottle filled with blue liquid, handing it to Poe.

 

A small amount poured into one hand, and a lather worked into the dark, tight curls. Finn's hair was rough, but kept short and neat for utilitarian purposes. Poe took care in keeping the shampoo away from his eyes, tilting his head back gently to rinse out the blue-tinted foam.

 

Finn stood for a moment; rubbing at his face to ensure all the soap was gone. He felt Poe move closer, his breath on the shell of his ear.

 

“If you wanted me to take care of that…”

 

Finn couldn’t help but laugh quietly. “You know, that might be the only spot you haven’t given a good scrub…”

 

A low chuckle, reverberating through both their chests. “I’ll have to do something about that then.”


	20. A request

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops, absolutely nothing but smut, and BB-8 being a pissy little droid.  
> Another, cuter chapter is in the works!

2200 hours, a regular make out session on the mattresses on the floor turned a bit hotter, Finn climbing on top of Poe for more, to hold him closer. Strong arms, stubble-covered cheeks, and hiked up t-shirts added to the rougher, longer kisses Finn was seeking ( _and receiving, no problems there_ ). Poe kind of liked this, being a little less in control. Not that he minded being the one _in_ control, but getting to feel how much more comfortable Finn was with taking the lead, it made Poe’s heart swell.

 

BB-8 chirped loudly from it’s corner in the room, rolling around the mattresses expressing it’s distaste.

 

“BB, buddy, maybe you wanna… go somewhere else for a bit?” Poe chuckled to himself as he watched the droid spin out of the room, beeping irritably as it disappeared down the hallway.

 

“Now, where were we?” Finn grabbed Poe and pulled him back, kissing up his neck and jaw until he reached his mouth once again.

 

Roaming hands found their way under Finn’s shirt, warm palms smoothing over the dark skin hidden underneath. Finn hummed against Poe’s lips, encouraging him to go further, to pull it off and decide where they go from there.

 

“Hang on, I uh,” Poe broke the kiss, sitting up and pushing Finn off gently. “I want to try something. Or, well, to do something. With you.”

 

Finn made a cute expression, somewhere between perplexed and eager ( _piercing Poe’s heart like an arrow)._

 

He felt his cheeks flushing, his throat feeling a little tight. Dammit, why was he so shy all of a sudden? It’s not as if he’s never done this before, it was just that… Poe wanted to make every ‘first’ Finn has absolutely perfect. He couldn’t stand the idea of ruining something for him, or it not living up to his expectations ( _though, to be fair, Finn had very little ‘expectation’ of almost anything_ ).

 

“It’s up to you, really. But I wanted to know if you wanted to try fu—” Poe cleared his throat. “Fucking me.”

 

And oh god, there it was, the look of shock Poe was seriously hoping he wouldn’t see immediately after asking something so deeply personal.

 

“It’s cool, buddy, we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

 

Finn’s face turned softer, his lips pulling into a tight smile. “Sure, I’d love to try that. Though, I don’t really know how to do it right…”

 

“Hey, that’s what I’m here for!” Poe laughed, an exhale of relief. “Or, y’know, as well as other things. But don’t worry, I’ll do all the hard stuff.”

 

A single raised eyebrow from Finn.

 

“Hah hah, yeah, no pun intended…” Poe leaned in to catch Finn’s lips in another kiss, willing him back down into the mattress with him. He cupped both hands over both cheeks, feeling the light traces of stubble along his jaw. _Kriff,_ he couldn’t get enough of this kid.

 

Finn tugged at Poe’s shirt, breaking the kiss for a moment to tug it off and throw it to the floor, before doing the same with his own. The exposed skin of their chests pressed together, warm contact contrasting with the cool air of the room. Poe could feel the shape of Finn’s erection against his thigh, through their trousers.

 

“How do you want me to do it…?” Finn asked, his voice sounding deeper than usual, quiet and low against Poe’s ear.

 

Poe shuddered, his whole body pulsing with anticipation. He felt like a teenager again, horny and anxious all at once. “I uh, well I think you should be on top.”

 

“I like the sound of that,” Finn sat up, unbuckling his trousers. “You should take yours off, too.”

 

Poe realized he was just staring. _Damn, wipe the drool off your chin while you’re at it…_ He made short work of his fly, tugging the offending clothing off his legs and onto the floor with the rest of it.

 

Finn sat in just his boxers, palming at himself through the fabric.

 

_He has no idea what he does to me…_

Poe lay naked on the bed, legs straight between Finn’s as he kneeled above him.

 

“Do I have to do something first?” Finn’s voice was hesitant, careful. He wanted to ensure he did everything right, nervous he would move too quickly and end up hurting his partner.

 

“I’ll take care of that. Just uh, wanna hand me the little bottle in the box over there?”

 

Finn reached into a nearby cardboard box on the floor to find a plastic bottle with a pink label, and handed it to Poe. He watched with pupils blown wide as Poe squeezed a small amount onto two fingers, and then placed the package aside.

 

“C’mere, I wanna kiss you,” Poe motioned for Finn to come back on top of him. “I’ll show you…” Mouths still locked together, Poe reached between their bodies, lifting his legs, finding his entrance. Just one finger at first, pressing in easily, getting Poe even more worked up than he already was ( _and that was saying something_ ).

 

Finn felt like his world had closed in, so small around him, as if nothing else in the galaxy mattered at all. He adored kissing Poe, the rough scratch of stubble grazing his cheeks and chin as soft lips and tongue played over his own. It was so easy to lose himself in the moment, almost every time.

 

However, he was suddenly aware of the hand that had snaked between them, reaching below where he could see. He broke the kiss, glancing down through heavy-lids to see Poe doing something that made his heart stop.

 

“You…” Finn wasn’t sure what to say, his arousal through the roof.

 

Poe’s slack jawed expression was eclipsed for a moment by a trademark smirk. “It’s a lot more fun if you help, y’know…”

 

“How?” Finn breathed.

 

Poe removed the two fingers he’d already managed to fit. “Here, give me your hand.”

 

Finn obliged, watching as Poe reached for the bottle again, pumping a small amount of lube onto his fingers.

 

“Rub it over your fingers, and then…” An unspoken gesture.

 

Without speaking, Finn did as Poe said, moving his hand down between them to the same place Poe’s was before. His fingers slick, he pressed one in slowly, admiring the way Poe’s back arched beneath him. He dropped down, kissing down Poe’s neck and back up to his mouth.

 

A second finger added drew a muffled moan from Poe against his lips, the sound catching in his throat.

 

A third, and Poe was practically melting, his body begging for more.

 

“ _Finnnn_ … please, please, fuck me, I can’t—” Poe looked wrecked, his perfectly tousled hair now an utterly perfect mess, sweat covering his brow and neck. Finn loved the way his skin flushed, peachy pink across his nose and cheeks, creeping down his neck and chest. It seemed unfair, but it was too enjoyable to pause and take in the sight.

 

Another impatient ( _and slightly undignified_ ) noise from Poe startled Finn back to reality, his hand pausing its steady rhythm.

 

Finn withdrew his fingers, and finally tugged his own boxers off, revealing the well-endowed part of himself Poe could just about drool over. He shifted backwards, his pulse racing. Finn was so excited, so eager to give Poe exactly what he wanted, but so unprepared for just how good it could all feel.

 

He grabbed the lube bottle once more, rubbing a generous amount over his cock before clutching Poe’s calves, drawing his legs up and over his shoulders. He felt so in control of the moment, like he was the pilot of this starship called Poe.

 

Poe could feel himself blushing something awful, hands flying up to cover his face as he slurred endless strings of nonsense. “ _Fuck, fuck, fuck_ , oh god, Finn, _fuck_ …”

 

“Everything okay?”

 

“Yeah,” Poe removed his hands, melting at the sight of Finn’s concerned face above him, his brow knit upward. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, I’m just all worked up, just keep going…”

 

Taking his word for it, carefully, oh, so carefully, Finn lined himself up against Poe, the weight of his legs resting on his shoulders. Just the tip, pressing against the slick hole for a moment as he braced himself to push further.

 

“ _Please_ , Finn, I can’t take waiting much longer,” Poe looked up with pleading eyes, his brows furrowed tightly. “It won’t hurt me, promise.”

 

A slow push forward, and Finn could feel the stretch around him, enveloping him, surrounding him with heat.

 

“ _Oh fuck,_ Poe…” Finn groaned, steadying himself as he continued. It was like nothing he’d ever felt before, so incredibly tight and mind-numbingly good. He wanted to thrust in harder, faster, taste it all at once, but kept his pace for Poe’s sake. “ _Ffff…_ for fucks sake, you’re so…”

 

“T-tight, I know, _god,_ Finn, you have no—” a sharp inhale, Poe squeezed his eyes shut as he felt himself stretched even wider than he thought. “No idea how _good you feel…_ ”

 

Finn looked down, holding tight to the thighs around him. He was only half way. “Am I hurting you? I-I’m not all the way…”

 

Poe let out a long moan; his mind starting to go white. _Not even half? Holy force, Finn is huge._ “No, _no, no,_ you’re not… you’re not hurting me, you’re just… _Finn,_ your cock is m-massive, you have to know that.”

 

Finn blushed; it always felt strange to hear Poe comment on his size. But, in comparison to the curved length lying untouched along his partner’s belly, he knew he wasn’t lying.

 

Finn thrusted forward, bottoming out against Poe, feeling the last of his cock disappear into the tightness.

 

A loud, breathy shout slipped from Poe’s mouth as he suddenly felt filled beyond what he previously thought was capacity.

 

Finn held himself together for a moment, taking a deep breath.

 

“Please move, don’t stop, please, please…” Poe was babbling, begging Finn for just about anything. “Fuck me.”

 

It felt incredible.

 

Without hesitating further, Finn began pulling back out, savoring the filthy sounds falling from Poe’s O-shaped mouth. His mind felt numb, short-circuiting with pleasure, struggling to keep up with his body.

 

Poe writhed beneath him, clutching at the twisted sheets as Finn picked up speed, pumping in and out of him like he was made to do this.

 

“You’re so _fffucking_ tight, Poe, I love it…” Finn purred, his words sounding like they were coming from someone else. “I could fuck you like… like this forever.”

 

Hearing Finn talk like that, Poe just about lost his mind. He could already feel the tautness coiling in his belly, his thighs tensing. He choked back a moan, his head bouncing along with the rhythm of his body. “Oh _god_ , n-not fair, man, you can’t…”

 

“Can’t _what?”_

Poe arched his back, pushing further into Finn’s body. “Can’t keep… talking like that. I’m gonna…”

 

A devilish smile spread across Finn’s face. “ _Come_?”

 

One perfectly angled thrust, and Finn’s thick cock was rubbing against the bundle of nerves that unraveled Poe like nothing else could.

 

He jerked up automatically, his hips buckling at the sensation. “ _Fuck!_ ” Eyes screwed shut, his right hand fumbled for his own unattended cock, grasping the length haphazardly to stroke himself, rocking back against Finn.

 

Finn’s eyes locked on Poe’s hand, watching fixedly as he jerked himself off, his own orgasm building faster than he had anticipated.

 

“ _Ohhh,_ god… F-Finn, I’m—” A choked gasp, and Poe was spilling over himself, his fist, his torso. His entire body taut, pulling Finn even closer to his edge. He shuddered, his muscles tensing and releasing almost automatically. “… coming…”

 

Finn slowed his hips, if only for a moment, before digging his fingers into Poe’s waist, pulling him into his body as he fucked himself through the last remaining staminia he had left.

 

He pulled out at the last moment, swiftly stroking himself as he finished over Poe’s languid torso. He loved it, the way he painted over the dips and curves of Poe’s physique, his abs and pecs all chiseled out, just for him to ruin it ( _was it really ruining, though_?).

 

Poe’s eyes glazed over, watching Finn through heavy lids as he fought to catch his breath. Finn looked beyond beautiful, like an angel above him, his face twisted in bliss. Another moment worth bottling, saving in his pocket forever. If only.

 

Collapsing beside him, Finn let out a satisfied groan as he buried his face in Poe’s shoulder.

 

“Was that okay?” His voice muffled.

 

Poe scoffed, reaching to run a hand along the curve of Finn’s spine, careful of his scar. “You’re kidding, right?”

 

“Mmm, yeah, I could do that again.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Well, like, not right now,” Finn laughed.

 

Poe grabbed a discarded shirt from the floor, mopping himself up before pulling the covers over both their bodies.

 

“I dunno about you, but I’m about ready to pass the kriff out.”

 

Finn responded with another muffled mumble, arms curling into the pillow around his face.

 

“I’ll take that as a ‘me too’. Night, buddy. Love you.”

 

“Love you, too. And uh, I think I hear BB-8.”

 

Distant beeping and the sound of metal against metal made it very clear the spherical droid had decided to return, whether or not its human was still being gross with the new human.

Loud beeping.

 

“Yeah, yeah, you can go to sleep now, BB, sorry.”

 

More beeping.

 

“No, I can’t guarantee it won’t happen again.”

 

A single beep.

 

“You too, buddy.”


	21. Dancing in the dark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A great album to listen to while reading the last chunk of this: https://theflashbulb.bandcamp.com/album/compositions-for-piano

> _Finn,_
> 
> _Your new quarters are ready, you have been assigned to room 387B. Please move your belongings by 1600 hours tonight._
> 
> _Lt. Korr Sella_

 

A note, stuck to the door with a single piece of tape. Finn tore it off, reading it over at least five times before exhaling loudly, his head lolling back to stare at the ceiling. He felt like a fool, feeling so disappointed at something that was obviously a massive offer of kindness. He barely felt like he belonged in the Resistance to begin with, but to have an entire room given to him by the Lieutenant… it was too much, really.

 

How could he say no? He wasn’t about to be that selfish, he’d look like a complete ass. So, without much other choice, Finn started packing up the small amount of personal possessions he had.

 

His ( _Poe’s_ ) jacket, three t-shirts, a pair of grey sweatpants, some extra underwear, his toothbrush, a towel, a bottle of body wash, a golden lighter ( _a gift from Poe, insisting it would come in handy some day_ ), the music player and headphones Poe had given him, his small black notebook, a silver pen, a photograph of him and Rey outside ( _she was smiling big, he really liked that_ ), and the standard issue grey quilt he slept with. It all fit pretty neatly into one cardboard box and the standard issue duffle bag he had, making it all the more easy to carry to his new room.

 

 

**/**

 

Finn stood outside the door, staring at the label plate ‘387B’. It felt so peculiar to be given a specific room of his own within this new place he had come to call home. A place he would sleep alone in, like everyone else on the base. What did other people put in their rooms? Did they collect things just to fill the space? Would he accumulate more possessions over time? Would he have a life like theirs?

 

It was hard to imagine life beyond what he knew now. But, then again, it was hard to imagine life as anyone but 2187. Things sure change quickly.

 

Finn sighed, and tapped his keycard to open the door, sliding open with a metal-against-metal squeak, and a thunk, revealing the small room inside. It looked about the same as Poe’s, except mirrored. The metal bedframe was pushed to the left wall, with the desk and chair on the right. There was no window, and the closet at the far end was left open, an empty shelf and rack for him to hang his things. It felt ridiculous, an entire closet for his ‘things’ when he had so little.

 

He shook his head, dropping the box on the floor as he made his way to the bed, the door sliding shut behind him. Finn unpacked his things, carefully keeping his clothing folded, and his photograph uncreased. A small, round magnet he’d found used to stick it to the wall with, right above the desk. It felt bare, a shell reminding him of how little he had, of how little he was. Finn; he had a name to call himself, and a jacket he clung to just as tightly that was never really his to begin with. How could he become _someone_ when he felt as blank as this room?

 

It didn’t take long before both the box and the bag were empty, discarded to the side of the room. He looked at the clock on the bedside table, '15:47'.

 

It didn’t even take him the full hour to move rooms. Of course.

 

Finn kicked his boots off, lying down on the bed. He wondered how Poe would feel, coming back to a Finn-free room. His first thought was relief, but he was learning to know better. Poe would probably find it strange, not having him sleeping on the floor every night. It’d been months, he was so used to it by now. How was he going to sleep in a room alone, anyway? Finn had literally never slept alone, not his entire life as a stormtrooper, not after, not ever.

 

The first night would be strange.

 

 

**/**

 

“He _WHAT?”_ Poe practically roared, slamming the door open to his quarters to find it just as he had feared; all of Finn’s things missing.

 

“He—he was walking down the hall with a box, I think he finally got assigned. I just saw him leaving, there was a note stuck to your door, I didn’t—“

 

“You didn’t _stop him?_ ”

 

BB-8 flinched, rolling away from the bickering pair into Poe’s quarters.

 

Jessika’s attitude quickly shifted from apologetic to pissed off. “Look, Poe, that’s not _my_ job, I assumed you knew. Finn had his shit, and he was walking down the hall with it, what the kriff am I gonna say? _‘Hey, your boyfriend’s gonna miss ‘ya! Don’t go!’_ C’mon, Poe.”

 

Poe exhaled, scrubbing hands over his face and through his hair. “Uhg, okay, where’d he go, Jess?”

 

“Like I know, ask the Lieutenant, she takes care of that.”

 

“Sella?”

 

“Guess so,” Jess shrugged, shoving her hands in her deep jumpsuit pockets as she sauntered off. “Your problem, man!”

 

Poe groaned, doing his best to contain his temper. He looked over the room, empty without Finn’s clothes, without _Finn._ He stomped over to the desk, finding a piece of paper torn from Finn’s journal.

 

 

> _They moved me to 387B. I took my stuff, so you don’t have to worry about it. Come visit if you can._
> 
> _Finn_

Poe slunk into the chair, crumpling the note in his fist. It felt wrong, like Finn was being taken away from him. Why did no one tell him first? Why was he the last to know?

 

Then again, maybe the man wanted some independence.

 

BB-8 beeped quietly, turning itself over to bump into Poe’s feet.

 

Poe glanced down at the droid; barely calm enough to fake a smile. _Kriff,_ he felt like a selfish fucking idiot. He’s kept Finn in his room for months, sleeping on the floor, making room for him as if he were some sort of pet. _Of course_ he’d want to move out, get a room of his own, spread his wings. He didn’t deserve to be cramped up in this shoebox with Poe.

 

Running a hand over his face, scratching at his scruff, Poe decided the best way to handle this was to be encouraging. Handle it like an adult, like a man, like a commander, like the best pilot in the Resistance. Play it cool, let Finn feel like he can do whatever he damn well pleases. He can, of course, he’s a grown man, he doesn’t need Poe telling him he can or can’t do anything. But…

 

Yeah. That’s easier thought than done.

 

“Sorry, BB. I don’t mean to stress you out like this,” Poe ran a hand along the top of the droid’s dome, smoothing his thumb over the divots around it’s antenna. “I just don’t know what to do.”

 

A short series of beeps, followed by a tilted head. _You miss the other human?_

“Yeah, yeah I do, bud. More than you realize.”

 

 

**/**

 

Poe took a deep breath, running a hand through his tousled hair and readjusting his shirt hem for the fourth time. He wanted to run through that door, grab Finn and beg him to come back, kiss him silly, and prove to him that he belonged in the same bed as himself every night. It felt so right, like the was meant to be beside him all this time. And this… this felt so wrong. But here he was, putting all his egotism aside.

 

BB-8 tilted itself to look up at Poe, silently questioning what he was doing, just standing outside a door, staring at his feet.

 

“Yeah, yeah buddy, I know. Quit starin’ at me like that.”

 

He raised his fist, and knocked, liked polite visitors do.

 

He heard footsteps, and then the door slid open, revealing a dressed-down Finn, in his sweatpants, bare feet, and a snug black t-shirt ( _in all honesty, Poe’s favourite Finn, beside a naked one_ ).

 

“Hey,” Finn smiled softly, moving to let Poe and his droid into the space. “Hey BB.”

 

“Hey…” Poe spoke carefully, keeping himself contained. He glanced around the room, noticing how vacant it was. “New digs, huh?”

 

BB-8 chirped a few times, rolling closely behind Poe, not really bothering to investigate the space at all.

 

Finn shrugged. “I s’pose so, this is what they gave me.”

 

“Don’t like it?” _Oh come on, Poe, not even five minutes and you’re already looking for an excuse? Don’t be such a nerf herder, think of someone else for a change._

 

“No, no! I like it, it’s just strange, is all,” Finn took a seat on his new cot, smoothing out the quilt folded up beside him. “I’ve never had a room of my own.”

 

“Yeah, that doesn’t seem right. You deserve it, buddy,” Poe stood in the middle of the room, his arms folded across his chest. He was doing his best, really, he was. “You’ll get all your stuff in here, and it’ll be _your_ home.”

 

Finn sighed wistfully. “This is all my stuff.”

 

 _Ouch, right. Kid’s got practically nothing. Don’t make him feel worse, asshole._ “Right, but you’ll get more before you know it. What’d you bring, anyway?” Poe noticed his jacket hung up over the back of the desk chair.

 

“Uh, just the clothes I have, my blanket, my book, that picture…” Finn gestured at the wall behind Poe. “Y’know.”

 

Poe studied the photo, smiling at the scene in it. It was outside, sunny, Finn holding the camera with his face squeezed in the side. He wore a giant grin plastered across his face, and Rey stood slightly further back, leaning on her bow staff in the grass, a rather toothy grin on her face as well. They both looked a little sweaty, like they had just finished sparing. Poe knew Finn treasured the photo.

 

He secretly wished he had one of him and Poe, as well. Again, he was thinking like a jealous child. _Cut that shit out, Poe._

“You should get some more stuff for the walls, spruce the place up a bit.”

 

“Yeah…”

 

Finn sounded distant, his deep brown eyes not really focusing anywhere. Poe took a seat next to him, rubbing a palm over the soft fabric of his sweatpants.

 

“What’s up, buddy? You don’t seem so thrilled about this.”

 

Finn hesitated, anxious about sounding ungrateful. He was absolutely head over heels with the fact that anyone had given him anything, let alone a room of his own. But it just didn’t feel right. “I dunno, I guess I’m just not used to the idea of being alone.”

 

“You’re not alone, man!” Poe bumped his shoulder into Finn’s, a fake smile glued to his face.

 

“I know, I just mean… like at night. Or any other time. I got used to coming back to see you.”

 

“You know you’re always welcome to stop by, Finn, seriously.”

 

Finn nodded, scratching at his short curly hair. “I know.”

 

The two men were silent, the ticking of the bedside clock creaking through the stillness of the room. That, and BB-8 beeping loudly from the corner.

 

“Why’s he sound all mad?” Finn asked, doing his best to interpret the binary.

 

Poe sighed. “She’s just… impatient.”

 

“About what?”

 

Poe shifted his weight on the thin mattress, his mind screaming to tell Finn how he felt. “Well, just that…” He sighed again, feeling his façade slipping. “I don’t want you to go, Finn. I feel selfish even saying it, but I’m not so fond of the idea of sleeping alone again.”

 

Finn smiled. “Me too. I just… didn’t want to sound ungrateful. I dunno what to do about it, though. This is where I’ve been assigned, I’m supposed to be here.”

 

“I could stay with you tonight,” Poe suggested, a little too quickly. “If that’s alright with you, I mean.” He rubbed a hand over the back of his neck, fiddling with the curls that turned up there. He hated feeling like this, like he was a teenager fumbling his way through a new relationship; he was too damn old for this.

 

“Yeah?” Finn smiled, and oh, it was too sweet, the way his eyes lit up at the suggestion. “I’m not used to sleeping alone, I don’t like the idea of it being so quiet.” He shifted, reaching out to touch Poe. “I don’t like the idea of not being with you.”

 

Poe took the hint, and leaned into to kiss him, gripping Finn’s thighs. He loved the way Finn was so pliant, so easily swayed with each nip at his lips, like every touch was just as enticing as the last.

 

Poe hummed as they parted, brushing a hand over Finn’s cheek. He hated this, hated the way Finn’s body slumped into the bed, how his eyes cast down when he spoke. He missed seeing Finn happy, like he couldn’t get enough of whatever they were doing, like every moment was fresh and new. Poe knew he had to fix this. One way or another, he was going to find a way to make sure Finn never had to feel alone. In the meantime, however, he was going to cheer Finn up the best way he could.

 

“You know what I miss?”

 

Finn looked up, silently asking ‘what?’

 

“I miss dancing with you. You’re a lot of fun on the floor, y’know. I think about when we went to Naboo all the time.”

 

There it was, that perfect smile. “Yeah? Me too, that was really cool.”

 

“We can always go again, if you want,” Poe stood up, offering his hand out to Finn. “But for now, would you care to dance?”

 

“What, _here?_ ” Finn scoffed at the tiny room.

 

“Hey, it’s not so bad. Besides,” he hoisted Finn up, taking him by the waist. “I wanted to try a different sort of dancing. Something a little slower.”

 

Finn let Poe pull him into his body, one hand held out, the other finding it’s way around Poe’s back. “I don’t know how.”

 

“Don’t worry, I’ll show you,” Poe kissed Finn’s cheek. “It’s easy, promise.”

 

“You sure make a lot of promises.”

 

“Do I ever break them?”

 

Finn laughed. “No, I suppose not.”

 

“Wanna put something on for us, BB?”

 

BB-8 beeped affirmatively from the other side of the room, spinning itself out to meet them in the middle.

 

“Something nice, pretty. Like Finn.”

 

Finn blushed.

 

BB-8 beeped, practically rolling it’s lens. With a small click, a speaker in it’s side revealed itself, and [began playing a mid-tempo piano tune](https://theflashbulb.bandcamp.com/track/tap-on-damen). It was upbeat, but not too fast, guiding Poe’s pace as he lead Finn around the room.

 

Poe placed cautious steps around in circles, enjoying the small looks of surprise on Finn’s face as he struggled to keep up, his feet feeling a bit clumsy, and the looks of pride when he managed to follow Poe’s movements smoothly.

 

“See? It’s not so hard,” Poe’s eyes crinkled into the heartfelt grin Finn loved so much. “You’re pretty good at it, actually.”

 

“It’s sort of like sparring,” Finn mused, watching their feet as they stepped to the side, back, and then around. “Like keeping pace with your opponent.”

 

“That’s… one way to think of it. I usually compare it to flying.”

 

“You compare everything to flying.”

 

Poe laughed, his voice warm and close to Finn. “I probably do.”

 

BB-8 eventually rolled itself over to the corner, connecting itself to the power to turn the lights off.

 

“Whatcha doing, buddy?” Poe shot BB-8 a strange look.

 

The droid chirped assuredly, opening its projector, creating stars sparkling overhead, artificially projected on the metal ceiling of Finn’s new room. They twinkled, rotating slowly on an axis, like bright specks of silver in the darkness.

 

Both men grinned, before kissing under the artificial night sky.

Finn and Poe moved like the flow of an ocean, back and forth, slowly turning as they held onto each other closely. Their bodies like one, arms draped loosely over Poe’s neck and shoulders, firm hands placed on Finn’s hips. Finn let his eyes fall shut, bringing Poe closer to rest his head on his shoulder. He felt at peace, his body swaying like a tree in the wind, his mind nowhere else but right here, in this moment. Thoughts of who he was before felt like a strange and distant story, told by someone else, not him. It was a challenge, at times, to let go of the training he’d been so rigidly forced to adhere to, but in moments like these, as Poe’s hands rested along the small of his back, rubbing warm circles through his shirt, he could forget it all. Finn was the person he was always meant to be, a name, not a number. An identity, not a uniform. A life, not a soldier. Even though he was still struggling to build an identity, he was starting to find it easier to just let go. Finn felt love, adoration, safety, absolute and pure and unquestioned, his whole body singing with it. He wanted to speak, to say just how he felt, but it somehow seemed so much easier to just remain silent, letting the closeness of their bodies speak for him.

 

Poe seemed to read his mind, turning his head to whisper in Finn’s ear. “Of all the stars in the universe, I think you shine the brightest.”

 

“Really?” Finn spoke quietly, his voice uneven.

 

“Mm, yeah, and I’ve seen the grapid constellation from Aantooine. It’s bright, but not as bright as you, Finn.”

 

“I like when you call me that.”

 

“What, Finn? Your name?”

 

“It’s only been my name for a short while, it still sounds good to hear.”

 

Poe smiled softly, leaning his head against the top of Finn’s. “Then I’ll call you your name every day, as much as you like. I’ll make sure everyone knows who you are, that you’re a hero, that you’re _the_ Finn. _My Finn._ I love you, Finn.”

 

“ _My_ Poe.”

 

“Your Poe.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I've had trouble updating as frequently, life gets in the way, and all that. Thank you so very, VERY much to everyone who reads this, and especially to those who have been following for my updates. You're all sweethearts, may the force be with you.


	22. With nobody else but me.

“You and Mister ‘Trooper,” Jessika began, chewing gum in one side of her cheek as she leaned back on her X-Wing. “You two are like a real ‘thing’ now, huh?”

 

Poe turned away from where he was watching one of his junior pilots working on the beater ship. He folded his arms and furrowed his brow. “Yeah? Why?”

 

“Oh, no, nothing. Was just wondering what was going on with you two, I don’t know the kid very well.” Jess snapped her gum with her tongue, nonchalantly looking skyward.

 

“He’s not a kid.”

 

“He’s pretty young, even for you, Dameron.” She winked, scraping a hand through her long black hair. “You must be so much more _experienced_ than he is.”

 

Poe cleared his throat, taken aback by what Jess was implying. “What are you on about? I’m not about to tell you anything personal, if that’s what you want.”

 

“Nah, I don’t wanna hear what you two get up to, bumping uglies, whatever.” Jessika stuffed her hands in her pockets, wandering over to speak a little closer to Poe. “Just thinking, kid’s been a stormtrooper his whole life, yeah?”

 

“Yeah? Finn’s a good man, Jessika, don’t you even—”

 

“Hey, hey, down boy! Wasn’t implying anything, I’m sure he is, he chose to come here all on his own, after all. But, you know, I don’t think the First Order had much room for _romance_ in their ranks.”

 

Poe hesitated. “Uh, no, they didn’t.”

 

“So? Finn’s never _been with_ anyone before you. _A virgin,”_ Jessika laughed, usually a familiar sound to Poe’s ears, though this time it felt downright cruel. “Lucky you, lucky you.”

 

“I don’t care about that shit and you know it.”

 

“Of course, you’re a good guy, Poe. But I’m sure that’s been interesting for _him,_ huh? You’re the first notch in his bedpost.”

 

Poe grimaced at the euphemism. “So what?”

 

Jessika groaned. “ _SO,_ I’m saying the kid doesn’t know anything! Doesn’t know what he likes or even _who_ he likes. I’m wondering how happy he is, y’know? _Not knowing._ ”

 

Poe was silent, staring off into a space far beyond the juniors in front of them. He felt a sudden guilt, shame washing over him. Was he really depriving Finn of his right to explore? He felt selfish, greedy, like he was preventing Finn from learning things for himself, just so he could keep him. What was he supposed to do now?

 

“What are you saying, Jess? I don’t have all day.”

 

Jessika rolled her eyes, wandering away from their fixed spot on the pavement. “Not saying anything, it’s all up to you two. Just giving my two cents, is all.”

 

“Great, perfect, thanks.” Poe sighed, his mood ruined for the rest of the day. He shifted himself back into commander mode, finding the right tone of authority before he spoke again. “Alright kids, we done here? It’s time to inspect your work.”

**/**

 

 

Poe and Finn lied under light blankets in darkness, side by side on the cot in Finn’s new room. Curious fingers roamed over Poe’s stomach and sides, finding their way to link their hands together. Finn loved just holding hands, the simple act of touching and being touched, even in the most innocent of ways. It was easy to just reach out and take Poe’s hand whenever he wanted, he never felt like it wasn’t allowed.

 

Poe shifted to his side, trying his best to get a better look at Finn’s face. He swallowed, bracing himself as best he could before he dove head first into some very awkward ( _and possibly painful_ ) territory. “Hey, can I ask you something?”

 

“Always.”

 

“It’s sort of weird.”

 

“That’s okay.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

Finn rolled over to face Poe as well, propping his head up on his hand. “What is it?”

 

 _This is it, you have to be mature here, don’t make him feel bad, be open, let him decide, make him feel like it’s okay. You can do it, Poe._ “I was just… thinkin’ about stuff earlier. And I was wondering— and it’s okay if you really don’t want to answer. But, you’ve never been with someone else? Not even just kissing or small stuff?”

 

Finn shook his head.

 

“Really?” Poe sighed.

 

“Is that really that odd?”

 

“Well, yeah, sort of. I mean, it’s understandable in your case, but it still makes me feel a little strange.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Just—” Poe hesitated, careful of his tone. “I worry I’m not giving you enough, that I’m keeping you all to myself and being kinda, well, greedy.”

 

Finn’s face screwed into a dumbfounded expression. “ _Greedy?”_

Poe shrugged, searching for the right words. “I want to give you the opportunity to try more, to be with other people.” He felt queasy, like Finn was going to take the chance to leave and never come back. He couldn’t blame him if he did, but, _kriff,_ if that didn’t hurt to even think about.

 

“You…” Finn felt his heart drop out of his gut. “Are you ending this? Breaking up with me? Is that what this is?”

 

Poe practically threw himself on top of Finn, kissing his cheeks, back peddling frantically. “No! Oh my gods, Finn, no, I… _Kriff,_ I’d rather crash my ship before I do that.” He sighed. “No, what I’m saying is, I’m okay with it if you want to try things with someone else, kissing, sex, whatever you want, it’s up to you.”

 

“I don’t… know how that works. Do people do this? Is this normal?” Finn felt horribly confused, smoothing a hand down Poe’s back. “Would you do the same?”

 

Poe ran a hand over Finn’s hair. “I dunno, I don’t really care to be with someone else now that I’ve got you. I just don’t like the idea of you feeling stuck, never experiencing anyone else. I don’t want you getting bored of me. But I still want you, I hope I can still be a part of your life.” _Don’t leave me, don’t run off with someone else, don’t fall in love with someone else._

 

Finn mulled over the idea, trying to wrap his head around what Poe was offering. To be with someone else? To kiss someone else’s lips, and then still come back to Poe? It seemed strange, to say the least. “You wouldn’t be bothered by that? I don’t… want you feeling jealous like I did. That was awful.”

 

“I wouldn’t be jealous, I promise.” Poe bit his lip. _You’re such a goddamn awful liar, he can see right through you._ “As long as you still love me, I’m happy.” _You’re going to regret this so much, you idiot._

 

“Uh, well okay. I guess if you’re okay with it. Though I don’t know how to even…. tell someone I like them? Or how that works really.”

 

“You’ll figure it out, it’s not hard,” Poe adjusted himself, sitting up to straddle Finn’s lap. “Okay, maybe it’s a little hard. I can help if you like? It’s mostly about timing and reading the other person.”

 

“Is that what you did with me? Could you read me?” Finn sat up, touching his nose to Poe’s. “I might have been a little obvious.”

 

“Mmm, only a little.” Poe stole a quick kiss. “You blushed a lot, and you kept grabbing for my hand.”

 

A laugh huffed out of Finn’s nose. “Sorry, couldn’t help it, you got away from me too easily before.”

 

“I’m here now.”

 

“ _Mmmmhm_ , I’m glad.”

 

“Me too, buddy. Me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plot twists! Character development! Drama! Things are happening, stay tuned!


	23. Attraction is attraction

The ceiling felt abnormally close, suffocating, like it was looming closer and closer to Finn’s face in the darkness as he stared up at it. He lied alone tonight, his bed feeling larger than normal.

 

He knew Poe was busy, some nights it didn’t make sense for them to sleep in each other’s beds. It still felt weird, though, not sleeping on the floor in Poe’s small room. But this was sort of nice too. He felt like he had some control, some sense of personal space. Finn had decorated his room a bit more, torn-out drawings and large schematic drawings of X-Wings stuck up to the walls around him, and a small plant from Rey on his desk. It was a succulent, small and green with fat leaves and a tiny pink flower on top. He loved it, it was adorable and easy to take care of, as well as served as a reminder of Rey every time he stepped into the space.

 

Finn exhaled loudly, turning over to bury his face in the pillow.

 

He knew it right away, the moment Poe even suggested it. Rey was it, the only other person he could imagine being with. He was hopelessly attracted to her, the shape of her body, how quickly she moved, how much discipline and strength she had. She was like a starfighter, her movements calculated and controlled, her personality a well-shrouded mystery, only allowing tiny slivers to show. He knew the patterns of her freckles, the ones that dusted over her nose and the very peaks of her cheeks, and the others that rested along the tops of her shoulders, often hidden beneath clothing, but occasionally peaking out. He would tell himself it didn’t matter, that he didn’t want a different relationship with her, but that didn’t stop him from thinking about her sometimes. Despite all of it, he knew the only person he could imagine being with was Poe.

 

He loves Poe, really, he does, so much more than he thought was possible. He loves the way he shows him so much, has so much patience, so much to share. But he couldn’t deny his fascination with Rey, it was almost too much for him to handle sometimes. The idea of being intimate with her was so enticing; he’d already imagined it a few times already. He had no desire to change how things were, though. Finn had no intention of leaving Poe, or even changing the dynamics of their relationship. It was just physical, pure and simple. Rey seemed to show very little interest in developing a romantic relationship with anyone while she was in such a crucial part of her training, anyway. But Poe, the memory of Poe’s words “ _I’m not giving you enough_ ” still so clear in his head.

 

Wasn’t it strange for Poe to know that Finn would be with someone else? To _want him_ to go find someone else to be intimate with? Was that not unusual in regular relationships?

 

He knew that Rey would probably handle it well, no matter what her response might be. She seemed to move on so quickly, like things didn’t bother her as much as everyone else. Then again, maybe she was just better at hiding it.

 

Finn rolled over onto his side, doing his best to clear his mind so he could fall asleep. Tomorrow would be another busy day.

**/**

 

It was beautifully sunny, the breeze pulling cool air from the water over the trees and across the open grass Finn and Rey liked to practice sparring in. Small, colourful birds flew overhead, but they weren’t enough to snap Finn out of his trance.

 

To his dismay, Finn was suddenly very much aware he had been staring, and not in a ‘ _I’m just zoning out a little_ ’ kind of way. He was fixated, his eyes glued to Rey’s body, the dip of her collar, the curve of her slender waist. It was almost the same, like he felt when he looked at Poe, how his heart hammered upwards into his throat, his pulse loud in his ears. Before ( _when he’d asked if she had a ‘cute boyfriend’_ ) he was mostly flirting for the sake of relieving tension, emotions strung high, thrilled to even be close to another person that _wasn’t_ a stormtrooper. But recently, he realized that hot rush of blood under his collar was more than just adrenaline, it was attraction, making his throat tighten beneath his zipped up jacket.

 

He had to say something, he realized it’d been too long just sitting silent as he watched Rey stretch.

 

“Something on your mind, Finn?” Rey asked cooly, a single eyebrow cocking up as she reached forward to grab her calf. “You’re abnormally quiet.”

 

Finn snapped out of it, scrambling to find something to say. “Uh, yeah, for sure. Just, thinking.”

 

“About?”

 

“About… uh, about?” Finn rubbed at his neck, avoiding Rey’s piercing gaze. “Nothing, nothing important anyway.”

 

“You know I can tell when you’re hiding something. Luke’s taught me how to read people’s emotions, I’m almost able to read thoughts.” She laughed, leaning back on her elbows. “Come on, out with it. You know I won’t judge you.”

 

Finn stared at his hands, his mind reeling to find anything else to say that could sound even mildly plausible. “I--I just realized something.” Unfortunately, he wasn’t very good at that, may as well take the high ground.

 

“What did you realize?” Rey was intrigued now, all her attention focussed on Finn’s expression.

 

“That I, uh,” Finn cleared his throat, doing his best to not stare at the arch of Rey’s back. “Remember on Jakku?”

 

“How could I possibly forget?”

 

Finn laughed awkwardly. “Remember what I asked you?”

 

“You sure asked me a lot of things, it was sort of, ah, fast paced.”

 

“Oh.” Finn adjusted his jacket, unzipping it slightly. Was it suddenly hotter outside? “Well I, I asked if you had a boyfriend.”

 

“A _cute_ boyfriend,” Rey chuckled. “If I recall correctly.”

 

 _Kriff_ , that girl was like a droid, her memory was so sharp. “Yeah, I guess that’s what I said.”

 

“What about it?”

 

Finn looked up at the sky for a moment, willing his heart to still. “I don’t know if ‘boyfriend’ is the right word, but I…” He trailed off, trying his best to make eye contact and failing miserably. He could barely keep a coherent thought, dammit. “I wanted to ask if you’re interested. In me. If you like me.”

 

“Like a boyfriend?” Rey stood up, moving across the grass to sit cross legged in front of Finn.

 

“Well, like that? But, uh, I mean—“ _Kriff, this is not going well…_ “If you want to be with me, but you don’t have to call me that. Just like… try things? Physical things.” Finn swallowed thickly, feeling how Rey’s eyes were analyzing the sweat on his forehead. “Please don’t look at me like that…”

 

Rey’s expression flicked back to placid, a small smile playing on the edges of her mouth. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” Rey inhaled sharply. “You want to try ‘physical things’ with me? Why me, I thought you had Poe.”

 

“Poe thinks I should try things with other people.”

 

“It was his idea? Did he tell you to ask me?” Rey asked calmly.

 

“No! He just said ‘someone’. I… I realized I find you attractive.” Finn sighed, covering his face with his hands for a moment. “Very attractive.”

 

“Oh. I see.”

 

“Well don’t just say that, I’m kinda stressed out here, what are you thinking?”

 

Rey let the smile quirk to one side of her mouth. “I’m thinking that’s a rather bold request of you. But I’m not opposed to it, I’ve had similar thoughts about you. Physically, I mean. I just figured you two were…” She made a motion with both her hands. “Exclusive.”

 

Rey’s had ‘similar’ thoughts about him? Finn felt his heart leap into his throat. He laughed nervously trying his best to sound normal. “That’s, that’s cool. And I mean, I thought we were too? But Poe seems to think I should try experimenting with other people.”

 

“And you want me to be your experiment?”

 

“No! I… Yes? I don’t know, I just know I really like you and all these feelings are really confusing.” Finn straightened his back out, trying to rid himself of all these awkward feelings and appear more confident ( _as if that was going to work with Rey_ ). “I’ve never really had the opportunity to express these sort of feelings, Poe is the first person I’ve been this close with. I’d like to try that with you.”

 

Rey pretended to think it over for a moment, enjoying the adorably apparent pain and impatience on Finn’s face. “Hmm… Yes, I suppose that sounds alright.”

 

“Alright?”

 

Rey erupted in laughter, throwing herself forward to plant a firm kiss on Finn’s cheek. “Perfectly fine, I like it. I like you, why not?”

 

Finn felt like he was going to pass out, completely overwhelmed by Rey’s forwardness.

 

“I’ve never done much either, or at least, not with a man. So, you’ll have to show me what you know already.”

 

Why did she find it so easy to talk like that? It sounded more like she was talking about training or piloting. Rey was like a whole other world Finn had yet to understand.

 

“We can be slow, let us both figure it out as we go.”

 

Rey hummed, fiddling with her bow staff absent-mindedly. “I can be a rather impatient person, Finn.”

 

Finn gulped. He wasn’t used to her speaking like that, her tone definite, so sure of herself, making it very clear how she felt. “Yeah? That’s… that’s cool too.”

 

“Cool.” Rey repeated, sounding slightly unsure of the word. “Alright then, shall we get to it?”

 

“What, _now_? Here?”

 

"I thought we were about to spare."

 

Finn smacked himself. "Right, duh, of course we are."

 

Rey smiled briefly before moving to a prepared position. "Ready?"

 

"Ready."

 

 

**/**

 

 

"Interested in anyone?"

 

Finn's head shot up from where he was sitting, hunched over the desk at the far end of Poe’s room, sketching in his book. "Sorry?"

 

Poe rolled over on the bed, making eye contact from the pillow. "I was just wondering if you'd found anyone you wanted to try stuff with. It's been a few weeks since I brought it up."

 

Finn felt his skin turn hot under his collar, creeping up his cheeks. "Uh, yeah. Maybe?"

 

"Maybe?"

 

“I think.”

 

“You think?”

 

"Okay, yes, I think I have."

 

"You only think?"

 

" _I don't know!_ " Finn slammed a hand down on the desk louder than he had intended. "Sorry, I didn’t mean to— It's just... strange for me."

 

"Hey, that's understandable, buddy." Poe sat up on the edge of the mattress, his attention fully focused on Finn's body language. "Who is it? Have you talked to them about it?"

 

Find shifted uncomfortably, turning around in his chair to face Poe, though he found it challenging to be so upfront about it. "I have. We uh, talked about it last week."

 

"Last week! And you didn't tell me? _Who is it_?"

 

"Rey." Finn swallowed, feeling very unsure of how Poe would react.

 

 _Rey. Of course it was Rey, he wouldn't stop asking about her when he woke up from his coma. The way he looks at her is so obvious, how could I not see this coming a million parsecs away?_ "Rey, huh?" Poe raised an eyebrow, keeping his expression neutral ( _or as close to it as he could manage_ ). "She's cute, I have to agree. Wasn't sure if you were into girls, though, to be honest."

 

"That’s not weird, is it?" Finn asked, sounding a bit anxious.

 

"Nah, man, nothing's weird, attraction is attraction. I can't help that I find you so hopelessly hot," Poe smiled, patting the spot next to him on the bed, sighing as Finn's weight dipped next to him. "How'd it go? Rey's a tough cookie, I don't know much about her."

 

"She's just reserved, I think, but she smiles more, lately." Finn let his weight fall into Poe's side, enjoying the pleasant warmth through his shirt. "She said she 'felt similar'. Said she was interested, but she did ask about you."

 

"About me?"

 

"Yeah, she wanted to know how you felt about it. She seemed to think you sent me after her specifically."

 

"I had no idea who you'd end up going after, Finn."

 

"Don't say it like that, it makes it sound like I'm hunting people."

 

"In a way, you kinda are."

 

“Don’t… uhg.” Finn rested his face in his palms, voice muffled. “I just don’t want to mess it up. I don’t want to make you feel weird about it, either.”

 

“Hey, you’re not, I promise.” _Stop lying to him._ “I can help you, if you want.”

 

“How?”

 

“Well, what do you want to know?” Poe rubbed a warm hand over Finn’s back. “What don’t you know already?”

 

Finn sighed. “Relationships like this are new to me. I’m not that great at reading people, what they want or what they’re thinking. _Especially_ girls, they’re so… different.”

 

“Women aren’t really any different, _trust_ me. You have to realize they’re just people like you.”

 

“I know, but my whole life before this I didn’t really know any other girls. Phasma was like the only woman I knew, and she was _terrifying._ ”

 

“You threw her in a garbage compactor.”

 

Finn burst into laughter, wiping tears away. “Oh my gods, I did, I totally did, I still can’t believe I did that.”

 

Poe chuckled too, loving the way Finn’s face squeezed into such an adorable smile when he laughed like that. “You’re so much tougher than you know, man. You can be with a girl, it’s easier than you’re letting yourself think.”

 

“But Rey’s so... she’s all smooth skin and curves, and her freckles are the prettiest thing, and her smile is so… and just… uhg.”

 

“Sounds like you got it pretty bad,” Poe deliberately smirked, giving his best attempt at looking encouraging. Jealousy started to sweep through his head already, poisoning his thoughts with bitter questions; _what does she have that I don’t? How am I supposed to compete with a girl? What does Rey want from Finn?_ “If it’s any consolation, I’m sure Rey’s just as new to everything as you are.” _I can give you so much more than she can._

“She is, she said so herself,” Finn was thoughtful for a moment, recalling the exact look on her face when she said it. “She’s never been with a man before.”

 

Poe gave a startled look. “And you’ve never been with a woman! So how ‘bout that? It’s like a brand new experience for both of you.”

 

“Yeah, I s’pose it is, “ Finn chewed the inside of his cheek. “What… what do I need to know?”

 

“About what?”

 

“Well, you’ve been with both men and women. What do I need to know about…” Finn gestured aimlessly into the air, finally sighing and just coming out with it. “Sex, with a girl. What’s different?”

 

Poe felt himself lock up, his throat tight. This is it, Finn is really asking about sex with a woman, with _Rey._ Rey, who isn’t Poe. Fuck, this was uncomfortable.

 

“Well, uh, a lot and not a lot,” Poe began, trying to keep things simple. “The main thing you have to know would be that you can get her pregnant.”

 

“I know that.”

 

“I know you do, but you still have to be careful about it.”

 

“How do I do that?”

 

Poe cleared his throat, shifting his weight on the mattress. “You need to use protection. There’s a pill you can take that makes you essentially shoot blanks for a few days.” He would offer to get it for him, but it felt wrong.

 

“Okay, I’ll try to get that then.” Finn breathed a sigh of relief, knowing that was something he no longer had to worry about.

 

“She’ll tell you what she likes and doesn’t like, with words or otherwise,” Poe continued, his voice almost monotone. “Use your instincts, let her guide you. I’m sure it’ll all go fine.”

 

“Poe…” Finn grabbed at Poe’s hands, folded in his lap. “I love you. I really do, and I as much as I’m interested in this, I wouldn’t dream of doing anything you’re not okay with.” His voice was slightly unsteady, the honesty of it tugging at Poe’s heartstrings.

 

“It’s okay, Finn, I’m so okay with it.” _I'm so not okay with this, but I wish I was._ Poe leaned in, kissing him briefly. “I love you, too. That’s why I’m doing this, I want you to be happy, to find yourself. Even if it’s with other people.”

 

“I’m not going to leave you.”

 

“I know.”

 

“I’m serious, Poe, look at me,” Finn nudged Poe’s chin with his free hand, looking directly into the beautiful deep brown eyes he loved to get lost in. “I’m only interested in-- in the physical side of things. I don’t love Rey like I love you. I’m not going anywhere.”

 

Poe nodded, nuzzling Finn’s cheek with his own. “That’s good to hear, buddy.” His head swam with mixed feelings, his heart aching at the words he was hearing. Finn was so good, so pure and honest. He meant so well, and his heart was so big. Poe knew he could trust Finn, but that didn’t stop his entire body from hurting the moment he imagined him and Rey together. Maybe things would get easier. Maybe he’d learn to accept it. Maybe.

 

"I want to cuddle you, let's get into bed, yeah?"

 

"Mm, yeah, sounds good, my back hurts."

 

Poe tutted, tugging Finn's shirt off to rub careful fingers along his shoulder blades. "Well, you should let me take care of that, then..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So predictable, I know. More coming soonish! It's a slow work in progress lol.


	24. A kiss

A knock at the door made Finn jump from his bed where he lay reading, trying to catch up on some of the literature he previously never even knew existed ( _this particular book was a fantasy novel, with stories of a magical, heroic girl braving her way through forests and monsters, his current favourite_ ).

 

Moving to open the door, he assumed it must be Poe coming to visit after his late training session.

 

The person standing behind the frame made it clear he was very wrong.

 

“Evening,” Rey said smoothly, her figure dressed in loose fitting cropped tan trousers, her usual brown boots, and a snugger white shirt, long sleeves rolled up to her elbow. “I’m not disturbing you, am I?”

 

“Hi. Uh, no, I was just reading.” Finn moved to the side, letting her step in. He had his grey sweatpants and a black t-shirt on, his feet bare, suddenly feeling very underdressed.

 

“Good,” Rey stood in the middle of the room, arms folded, observing the posters on the walls. “I’ve never been in your room before.” She was so hard to read, her expression often so flat and calm looking.

 

“I just moved in sort of recently, it’s… nothing special.” Finn stood by the door as it closed, feeling dumbfounded by the unexpected ( _though absolutely not unappreciated_ ) visitor in his space.

 

“It’s cute. I see you have the plant I gave you,” Rey motioned to the succulent in a small white pot on the desk. “You’ve been taking care of it?”

 

“Yeah, of course! I’m watering it once a week, and it’s got its own UV light.”

 

“Perfect.”

 

Rey took a seat in the small metal desk chair, smoothing her pants out.

 

“What, uh,” Finn cleared his throat, feeling his temperature rising slightly. “Not to be rude, but what did you come here for? Just to see my room?”

 

Rey quirked an eyebrow up, a smile turning up at the corners of her lips. “Well, no, I came here to see if you’d be interested in kissing me.”

 

Finn felt like his entire body froze on the spot, his thoughts failing to reach his mouth at a normal speed. “Sorry, what?”

 

“I thought we were going to try things. I’d like to try kissing you, Finn.”

 

His brain suddenly hitting fast forward, Finn nodded, his cheeks flushing immediately. “Yeah. Yes, I—I, me too.”

 

“Good,” Rey stood, taking two steps to stand directly in front of him; her body closer than it had ever really been before. She reached up, placing small yet firm hands on his shoulders, urging him to bend slightly to accommodate her shorter stature. “Is this okay?”

 

Finn nodded silently, his throat tight with anticipation.

 

Without any further hesitation, Rey placed her lips on Finn’s, gently testing the response he would give. She tilted her head, enticing Finn closer, wrapping her arms around his neck as she parted her lips slightly, a small hint of tongue playing along the edge of his lips.

 

Finn’s heart hammered wildly, returning every step forward with enthusiasm. He wrapped tender hands around her waist, pulling her in closer, not wanting to make her feel pressured. Rey felt so soft, so small in comparison to him. He was used to Poe, how he was only just barely taller, how muscular and strong his body felt. This was so far beyond bizarre, but it was good, and it was happening right now. He wasn’t going to overthink it, just let it happen, let Rey control it.

 

“You don’t have to be so gentle with me, you know,” Rey whispered against his lips. “You’re not going to hurt me.”

 

“I know,” Finn held her a little tighter, “Sorry.”

 

“Don’t apologize, just...” Rey pulled him back in, this time not holding back, her mouth open and eager to kiss him deeper. Finn could just barely make out the smattering of freckles across her nose and cheeks, heart-achingly close to his face, while the small loose strands of hair around her ears tickled at his cheek. He smiled into the kiss, his hands wandering up and down Rey’s back, feeling the curves and dips of her body, running up into the back of her tightly tied hair. He felt so amazed by it all, how different she felt, and yet how undeniably drawn her he still was.

 

Rey sighed, parting just slightly. “I don’t want for either of us to get... too worked up. I just wanted to try this.”

 

“I know, it’s okay, I like this. Just this.” Finn mumbled, his voice low.

 

Another kiss, more chaste. “I should go.” She whispered.

 

Finn groaned. “So soon?”

 

“I have training in the morning.”

 

“Right, of course you do.” Finn let his hands drop, lingering for a moment around her waist before bringing them back to his sides. “Thanks for… that.”

 

Rey smiled, her eyes a little heavier than their usual bright appearance. “I’d like to do ‘that’ again, sometime.”

 

“Yeah, me too,” Finn grinned, still struggling to keep the butterflies in his stomach at bay.

 

Rey placed a final kiss on his cheek, standing up on her toes slightly to reach.

 

“You’re so pretty,” Finn practically sighed, his face hot where she touched him. “I can barely take my eyes off you sometimes.”

 

Rey blinked, her face difficult to read, though she looked unsure of what to say. “Thank you.”

 

“I mean it, I’m not just saying that.”

 

“No, I know. You’re too honest, Finn.” She smiled, walking back to the door.

 

 _“Too?”_ Finn followed her with a confused expression.

 

“It’s a good thing.”

 

“… If you say so.”

 

“Sleep well, Finn.”

 

“Night, Rey.”

 

And with that, she was gone, seemingly as quickly as she arrived. Finn sighed, sitting back down on the bed to rest his head in his hands. How was she so good at being so forward, and yet still so mysterious? He groaned aloud; he was hard, and it didn’t help that his emotions were all over the map. He wanted to sleep, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to calm his nerves for a while, so he resolved to take a short walk through the halls. As soon as he took care of his ( _not so_ ) ‘little issue’, that is.


	25. Sleepwalker

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry in advance.
> 
> For listening while reading:  
> [Sleepwalker - Arcade Fire](https://youtu.be/GiBM7-8vqZ8)  
> [Take Me Somewhere Nice - Mogwai](https://youtu.be/luM6oeCM7Yw)  
> 

It wasn't easy, letting Finn fool around with someone else, but it wasn't about him, it was about letting Finn grow and learn on his own terms, not having Poe hold him back. Or, that's what he kept telling himself, anyway.

 

Some days were easier, it would hardly come up, and Poe could almost forget he had even made the suggestion at all. Things would feel normal, they'd fall into bed together and everything felt like it should. Other days, well.

 

On one day in particular, Poe had caught glimpse of Rey standing on her toes to reach, Finn holding her waist, their lips meeting for longer than he was ( _still not really_ ) comfortable with. It made his stomach clench, turning over in complete possessiveness and disgust. He felt like a complete idiot, both for feeing that way, and for even suggesting the idea in the first place. But it wasn't about him, it wasn't about him, it wasn't about him...

 

Simple enough to think, a little harder to know.

 

Avoiding it seemed to happen naturally, hoping it would fizzle out while he was absent and things could just go back like they were. It started with turning in later, staying behind to clean up after everyone else, getting stuck in his work, losing track of the time. Then getting up earlier, skipping the shared morning prep him and Finn had been so accustomed to. Soon he was picking up extra jobs, keeping busier than usual, skipping meals, making unscheduled flights across D'Qar, just about anything offered to him, he'd take it.

 

Before too long, Poe was barely present. His mind so busy, it was easy to forget. Distraction, especially the productive kind, proved to be very helpful.

 

In the quiet of the night, though, when his mind had a chance to slow down, thoughts creeping up from the shadows he had fought so hard to banish, it was there; that sickening, aching pain, like a hunk of shrapnel embedded in his heart. It kept him up, memories burned like photographs behind his eyelids. Finn, the incredible man he was, with someone else, someone small and soft and beautiful, someone who's not him.

 

It's not about you, it's not about you, it's not about you.

 

Sleeping alone was easier, he wouldn't wake Finn when he got in so late. Or, that's what he'd kept telling himself, anyway.

 

 

**/**

 

 

It could just be his imagination, but Finn was starting to feel like he was seeing less of Poe. He always seemed to be preoccupied with something, had somewhere to be, something to do, someone else to talk to. He spent late nights out of his room, and early mornings flying his X-Wing around D'Qar for hours. They had time together, sometimes sharing meals or spending some down time in one or the other's room, but it felt like it was becoming less and less. Maybe Poe was just that busy, Finn wasn't always entirely sure what was going on with the Resistance's plans.

 

So, he ignored it. Or as best as he could, anyway. He spent time with Rey, sparring, helping with her garden, and, well, kissing. They'd experimented with touching, hands working their way under clothes in the heat of the moment, but neither of them really knew how to continue further. It was easy to just keep it like this for now, simpler. Finn wasn't entirely sure if he felt ready to move beyond that, anyway.

 

If he was being honest with himself, he missed how often him and Poe used to be intimate. The last time felt so long ago, almost three weeks. They both seemed to just fall asleep immediately ( _if they even had the opportunity to sleep together_ ), and Poe was usually gone by the time Finn woke up. He wanted to say something, but worried he'd just end up stressing Poe out; he must have a lot on his schedule as it was, he didn't need Finn bothering him, too.

 

Though, it did all take a toll on his mind at times. Finn often found himself zoning out when he should be paying attention during binary lessons, or completely forgetting how much he'd already cleaned while he was on sanitation duty. His mind was full of perplexity, frustration both sexual and emotional, and he wasn't sleeping great either. Were things normally this complicated for everyone else? Being a stormtrooper was by no means desirable, but if it had any redeeming qualities, it would be that it was a lot simpler emotionally.

 

Finn soon decided it would be better to talk to someone than keep it all inside.

 

"Can I ask you a question?" Finn asked tentatively over lunch as he sat with a mix of familiar, and not so familiar, faces.

 

"Shoot," Jessika said through a mouthful of gorba melt.

 

"Well, have you guys been really busy lately?"

 

"How do you mean?" Snap piped up.

 

"Like, have you been doing a lot more drills? Or whatever else." Finn poked around at the food on his tray.

 

"Not particularly, no," Jess answered, a hint of confusion in her tone. "Why d'you ask?"

 

"Uh, no reason."

 

"Does Poe seem busier?"

 

Finn swallows awkwardly, unsure of how to approach the subject. "A little, I guess."

 

"Uh huh..." Jessika took a swig from her cup. "He's been flying for no reason a lot more lately, that's for sure."

 

"For no reason?" Finn didn't like the way that sounded.

 

"Hey, don't stress the kid out, Jess," Snap gave a worried glance from Finn's face to Jessika's nonchalant frown. "He just wants to know Dameron's okay."

 

"I dunno, _is_ he okay?" Jess stacked her tray up, preparing to leave the table. "Maybe you better talk to him, Finn."

 

"I wouldn't worry too much," Snap added hastily, a broad smile across his face. "He's a tough guy, I'm sure he's fine."

 

"Yeah..." Finn took a bite of his own melt, anxiety beginning to turn over in his gut. "I hope so."

 

 

**/**

 

 

"Hey!" Finn spotted Poe in his orange jumpsuit, sitting alone outside, his back to the open hangar as he rested in the grass. He ran over to join him, dodging around busy crewmembers through the loading zone. "Hey, there you are. I've been missing you."

 

"Hey, buddy," Poe said, his voice lacking its usual enthusiasm. "How are you?"

 

"I'm fine, I'm fine, more importantly, how are _you_?" Finn took a seat next to him, crossing his legs. "You don't look so good, what's up?"

 

Poe wanted to sigh, but held it in for the sake of appearing more believable. He was sort of hoping Finn would be too busy to find him here. "Nothing, everything's good, man. That's not a very nice thing to say, by the way. I think I look good today." He combed a hand through his hair, trying his best to look charming.

 

Whatever Poe thought he was doing, it wasn't working. Finn could tell he was upset, but had no idea how to approach the subject tactfully. Was there a trick to it he didn't know yet? "Come on, don't lie to me, please. Did something happen?"

 

Poe picked at the grass, not wanting to say anything. He'd seen enough, his gut gnawing away at itself. What he didn't know was if that was it, or if there was more to it than that. He wasn't sure he even wanted to know. "Nothing's happened, don't worry about it, Finn." A smile, small, but genuine. He really didn't want Finn worrying about him like this, he had better things to be doing with his time.

 

"I'm not just going to walk away with you like this. I feel like I barely see you anymore, what's going on?" Finn was starting to realize what it must be, but seriously hoping he was wrong.

 

"Man, you don't..." Poe sighed, unable to keep it all contained for much longer. "I just don't know how okay I am with you and Rey. I've been trying really hard to keep my shit together, for you guys, for us. But..." Another sigh, rubbing hands over his eyes.

 

"What?" Finn felt his heart stop.

 

"I can't stand the idea of you with her, it's making me sick, I can't help it."

 

"You told me it was okay." Finn spoke slowly, his voice almost cold. He was wounded, he trusted Poe, did as he said, followed his suggestions, tried to learn from what he thought was best. "You said you wouldn't be jealous."

 

 _"Well I am!"_ Poe said a little louder than he meant to. "You and her... All I can think is what am I not giving you? What does she have that I don't?"

 

Finn remained silent, his jaw tight and his fists clenching at his sides.

 

"I'm sorry, man, but I can't keep pretending like I'm cool with all of this. Seeing you with her like that... it's making me crazy, I can't deal. I don't like knowing you're-- you're fucking… _her_. It just hurts."

 

Hot tears pooled in the corners of Finn's eyes, building up and rolling down his cheeks in wet streams, his lip trembling as he fought to find the words.

 

Poe looked up to see Finn's face, feeling a stab in the gut at the sight of him crying. "Don't-- don't cry, Finn. Kriff, don't fucking cry, I can't... I don't know what to do."

 

Finn sniffed, wiping rough hands over his face, finding the strength to finally speak. "I don't know what the hell kind of joke this is, but I'm not okay with it. I-- I can't believe you'd do this to me."

 

"Do this _to you_? You're--"

 

" _I've_ been figuring my own shit out for the past few months and you screw around with me and tell me this is okay, and, what, it's suddenly _not?_ You’re pushing me away, you-- you don’t want me anymore. I’m not _that_ stupid, Poe."

 

Poe sat in stunned silence, tears of his own threatening to fall.

 

"I can't... I don't know how to cope with this, I never learned how. You don't even seem to fucking care, you think it's funny how hard everything is for me. It's stressful, I can barely keep a normal conversation with anyone else, I'm so fucking lost all the time, and you... I thought you were it, I thought you got me. You don’t want me, I get it, I-- I don't even know what to say." Finn exhaled, his voice shaking with anger. "I guess we end this. Break up. Whatever it's called."

 

Poe felt like his heart had suddenly disappeared into a black hole, his body caving in around it. "You... no, Finn--"

 

" _Fuck,_ no, no I'm serious, I can't... I can't even handle this right now. I have to go, I'll..." Finn stood up, smudging tears from his face. "Just stay away from me for a while."

 

"Finn, I--"

 

"And for the record, we never had sex, if that helps you sleep easier."

 

Poe watched in despair as Finn stomped off, shaking his head and disappearing behind a starfighter into the hangar bay. He felt so guilty, Finn's pain to blame on no one else but him. Why did he even think this would be a good idea in the first place? He recalled the conversation with Jessika, how she convinced him this would be better for both of them, how awful he felt before for keeping Finn all to himself. How did he let her convince him like that? Why couldn’t he see how fucking irresponsible he was being?

Poe didn't move, staring far ahead into nothingness as he blamed himself infinitely, cursing his possessiveness, his ignorance, his immense fucking childishness. How badly could one person fuck up a perfectly good relationship? How could he have been so spectacularly dense? He felt ashamed, so much humiliation pouring over him it was suffocating. He had to try and repair this, or at least make Finn know how disgusted he was with himself. But he'd been given clear instructions to leave him alone. The thought of not being close to Finn was beyond painful, a hole torn through his chest he didn't even know he could feel.

 

He walked back to his room as if he were sleepwalking, his body completely numb until the door shut behind him, bringing a wave of uncontrollable tears with it. Poe cried himself dry, sobbing into his palms so openly it hurt, his chest heaving. He lay in his bed, staring at the emptiness of the room, at the floor where he and Finn would sleep, at the chair where he would hang his clothes, and at the empty cup where small white flowers once stood. His memory conjuring up moments saved in picture frames, hung up like art inside his head; drinking together, Finn’s new tattoo, sleeping under the stars. His body lurched, unable to stop himself from weeping again. Poe barely slept that night.


	26. Where you were

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More soundtrack for this chapter:  
> [You Don't Know How Lucky You Are - Keaton Henson](https://youtu.be/MfvcPeWO8yk)  
> 

It wasn't easy, keeping his distance from the X-Wing pilot, but Finn had done his best to make sure they wouldn't bump into each other. He'd switched his sanitation duties schedule to afternoons, and spent his evenings learning binary and structural schematics in his room. Mealtimes had become a tiresome ordeal, gathering his food and then promptly leaving the hall to eat elsewhere, more often than not in his room. For the first time in ages, Finn felt truly alone. Barely allowing himself to speak with others outside of necessity, closing himself off from the rest of the Resistance base. It was easier this way, he'd been conditioned to be accustomed to this; stormtroopers didn't fraternize, and they certainly didn't fall in love. 'Normal' civilian life was baffling, not to mention often quite painful. Why would he subject himself to that?

 

However, it was hard to avoid Rey once she got it in her mind that she needed to speak with you. Her presence was unavoidable, stopping by his room whenever she had the time. Some days Finn just wasn't there, but others he would remain silent at his desk, waiting out the knocking in hopes she would just leave. A few times he was convinced it was Poe, which didn't help to ease the knots in his stomach in the slightest. He felt guilty, blocking everyone, especially Rey, out, but he just didn't feel ready to talk about it, the feelings chewing him up from the inside out. He didn't have the words for it, which resulted in him drawing for hours at his desk, conjuring up flowers and droids, spaceships and distant planets, trees and indistinct figures, whatever he could to get his mind off of everything. Some days he just lied in his bed, unable to even will himself up, the guilt of knowing he was absent for duties washing over him in waves, keeping him glued to the mattress even longer.

 

As far as Finn was concerned, he had to leave. There was no plausible way he could remain here, not without losing his mind.

 

 

**/**

 

 

Eventually, Rey got her wish, knocking on the door to be greeted by a rather haggard looking Finn, his face flat and unexpressive, his clothing a rumpled mess. She stared at him for a moment, her eyes unblinking and steely.

 

"Are you ill?"

 

"No, sorry, I've just--"

 

"Then what the hell do you think you're doing?"

 

Rey's tone startled him, harsh with fury.

 

"I've been trying to see you for over a week, and you're somehow never here, or you've been avoiding me, which is not a pleasant thing to know. People have asked about you, I've been asking about you, no one knows what's going on with you. But here you are, and it's so obvious I hardly need the force to see it."

 

Finn rubbed at his tired face with balled up fists. "Is it that obvious?"

 

"You and Poe, what happened? What did I do?"

 

"You? Uh, maybe you better come inside..."

 

Rey strode into the room without hesitation, planting herself firmly in his desk chair, her eyes focussed on the mess of a bed Finn had only just gotten out from.

 

"So? Out with it, what's happened?"

 

Finn sighed, sitting back down in his bed. "I broke up with Poe. I-- I couldn't handle it, the way things have changed, what he told me to do. He got jealous, and he swore up and down that he wouldn't. I'm... not equipped to handle this sort of thing."

 

"So you thought it was fair to push me out? To ignore me, too?"

 

"No, kriff, no Rey, I'm so sorry, I just couldn't bring myself to talk about it with anyone. This is... it’s not easy for me."

 

Rey sighed, her tightly wound hair looking a little looser as it fell with her head. "Finn... I was never interested in becoming the thing that would drive you two apart. I trusted you that this was what you wanted, that you were both okay with it."

 

"He told me he was, repeatedly."

 

"And you believed him?"

 

"How am I supposed to know that?" Finn erupted, his voice shaking. "How does anyone know? What else am I supposed to do? I've never done anything even close to this, why would I have any idea? Please, tell me, I'm so sick of feeling like this, like everyone else knows what's going on and I'm in the dark."

 

Rey remained silent, her expression unfazed.

 

"I'm so fucking tired of this, of feeling lost, of feeling totally out of the loop. All I ever wanted was to be normal, and now I don't know what I want because 'normal' is hard. I thought I was starting to figure it out, and now.... now I don't know."

 

"Because of me."

 

"Rey... none of this is your fault, it's Poe's. It's mine. It's both of us for being so... I'm not even sure. But don't blame yourself, please," Finn stood to open the closet. "I care about you, I just don't understand where that's supposed to lead me."

 

"There's nothing wrong with us just being friends," Rey states, following Finn with her eyes.

 

"And I know that. You're my friend, one of my only friends. But what was all this then?"

 

"Experimentation, I thought." Rey pulled her legs up, sitting cross-legged in the chair.

 

"Is that all it was to you?"

 

"Yes? Was that not the agreement? I love you very much, Finn, but I don't care for us being anything beyond friends. I'm not really... romantically inclined."

 

"Oh."

 

"I'm sorry, did I do something wrong?"

 

Finn shook his head. "No, absolutely not, it's more like, I don't know what you're thinking? I'm not great at reading people to begin with, but you're... something else."

 

"I'm not that strange."

 

"Sometimes you can be."

 

"I'm not sure if you're insulting me."

 

"Never!"

 

Rey laughed, her smile a refreshing sight in light of everything going on. "You're sweet, Finn. I really hope you feel better soon enough to talk to Poe about all this, because I don't think he meant for any of this to happen. You're both not handling this well."

 

"What do you mean?"

 

"Oh, you don't know. Poe's been just about as absent as you have, no ones sure what he's doing anymore. Even General Organa has been concerned. The only person who's spoken with him recently is Pava, and she's not told anyone what he said to her."

 

Finn stood blankly in front of his closet, unsure of what to make of that. Why would Poe push him away like that and then be hurt when he finally left? "Maybe he's just sick."

 

"I very much doubt that."

 

"He doesn't care, Rey. This was all his idea, why would he give a shit what I'm doing?"

 

"Are you really that dense?"

 

Finn furrowed his brow. “I’m sorry?”

 

“You think he doesn’t care about you? That he wants you to leave?” Rey stood, her arms folded as she gave him a clearly fed-up look. “You’re smarter than that. You know he loves you, you’re just scared.”

 

“Scared of _what?”_

“That he isn’t perfect. That even Poe Dameron makes mistakes, enough to hurt someone you thought he loved.”

 

Finn stared at his hands.

 

“He loves you, Finn. And you love him. Anyone can see it, you don’t have to be a Jedi to figure it out.” Rey sighed, her face softening. “Take the time you need to resolve whatever issues you’re still coping with, I’m here to talk about it. But don’t do something you’ll regret.”

 

“I don’t know what I’m doing.” Finn looked up, searching for something in Rey’s eyes. “I don’t feel like I should be the one apologizing, though.”

 

“So don’t. Give him some time, and I’m sure he’ll come to you. Just don’t push him away like you have been.” Rey rubbed his arm, her palm appearing almost smaller against his bicep. “Alright?”

 

“Alright, okay. I’ll try.”

 

“Want to start by joining me for some dinner?”

 

“Oh, uh,” Finn realized he hadn’t eaten all day, his abdomen feeling unfortunately empty. “Yeah, that’d be nice.”

 

“Good.”


	27. Your Poe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mood: [Hope Avenue - Goldmund](https://youtu.be/stJqbs3omJ4)  
> 

BB-8 chirped loudly, alerting Poe it was morning. It rolled lazily across the room, beeping every 5 seconds or so, head swiveling around to keep a watch on its owner’s struggling attempt to rise from his bed.

 

Poe groaned, rubbing thick sleep from his eyes as he rolled onto his back. Dark, curly hair sprung out every which way as he sat upright to get a better look at his droid. “Yeah, yeah I’m up, buddy, good morning.”

 

BB-8 beeped slowly, rolling to nudge his knees as they swung out from under the covers.

 

A pile of dirty laundry lay in a heap in the corner of the room, shirts and trousers draped lazily over the back of the desk chair, all smelling strongly of tobacco smoke. Poe didn’t smoke often, and he felt even worse for smoking at all when Finn had caught him doing so, but lately it’s all he could do to cope.

 

A half empty pack of cigarettes and his beat up lighter lay on the bedside table, waiting for him to pick them back up and begin again. Poe glanced at them from where he sat, sighing at the thought of how many he’d already gone through already. He willed himself to not pick them up this time, the guilt of what he’s been doing to his body sinking in.

 

Poe listened as BB-8 went off on another round of insistent pips and whistles.

 

“No, he’s not sleeping here. We’re kind of… not talking for a bit. I don’t think he’s too happy with me. No, I didn’t. Yeah… yeah… okay well, no, I haven’t… Come on, it’s too early for this.”

 

BB-8 rolled across the room, following Poe as he started gathering his things to shower, beeping out a series of muddled up suggestions.

 

“Write to him? He won’t read it. Finn doesn’t want to hear from me, BB. No… I… Yeah, no, I guess I could try.” Poe sighed, scratching at the thick stubble-turned-short-beard he’d let grow, mostly out of the complete inability to give enough of a fuck to shave. Yawning, he took a seat at his desk, pulling out a notebook to tear a fresh sheet of paper.

 

"I don't even know what to write, I mean... Finn isn't going to be happy with anything I say."

 

The orange and white droid chirped, rolling around to the other side of the chair.

 

"You're like some kind of therapist-droid sometimes, you know that?" Poe frowned at the blank page, trying to gather his thoughts. He rifled through the top drawer, finding a small envelope to put it in when he was done.

 

His first instinct was to write a request on the front, before Finn would even open it.

  

> _Please don’t throw this away._

 

He moved back to the blank page, placing his pen to the paper for a moment, remaining still as he struggled to think of what words could even make a difference.

  

> _Finn,_

Poe sighed; the empty feeling in his chest getting worse. Thinking about it too long only made the nausea-inducing waves of guilt return, so he got to writing before it got any worse.

 

> _For what it’s worth, I know just how badly I screwed up. I wanted what I thought was best for you, and despite every part of me knowing it was destined to be a mess, I was convinced it would be fine. I’m sorry for thinking I had any right to misguide you like that. I’m sorry I let it come to this and didn’t speak up sooner._
> 
> _I love you. Beyond the stars, beyond every system, beyond anywhere I’ve ever been, beyond what I thought I could feel. I’ve never been very good at apologizing, I’m too full of myself, but for you I’d do anything. You’re worth it._
> 
> _I don’t know where things will go from here, but I hope you’ll give me a chance to explain. I can’t stand the silence much longer, I miss you, I need you. I can only hope you feel the same._
> 
> _I’m not very good at writing these things out so, I hope we can talk whenever you’re ready. But I understand if you aren’t._
> 
> _Love,_
> 
> _Your Poe_

He put his pen down, folded the page in half, and then once more, before tucking it away into the envelope, sealing it before he could second guess what he wrote.

 

"Done," Poe looked down at his droid, sitting quietly beside him. "I'm really not sure if this is a good idea but--"

 

BB-8 beeped loudly, rolling backwards towards the door.

 

"But I guess you seem to think so. Because you're so well versed in human relationships, huh?" Poe pulled on a pair of pants from the floor before heading to the showers, dark hair falling in his face. "Guess I need a haircut. And a shave. And I reek… I'm gross, yeah I get it, buddy, thanks."

 

Poe took a longer route to the showers, passing room 387B along the way. He paused in front of the door, part of him wishing it would open and reveal Finn in front of him, part of him dreading the possibility just the same. He bent down, slipping the note under the small crack of the door. Leaving secret notes for him was a strange thing to do, but he hoped it would be a good start. It felt so natural to linger around the door, like he was just waiting to be let in for the night, stopping by for a visit. If only…

 

BB-8 rolled down the hallway, chirping urgently to get Poe to leave the spot where he stood staring at the number plate, temporarily forgetting what he was doing.

 

"Right, sorry. I'm a mess, I know, I'm comin', I'm comin'..."


	28. Sunrise

Through the tiny window, warm sun streamed in across the floor, landing on the bed where Finn slept. On a regular morning, he would rise early, accustomed to the rigid schedule of a soldier. He’d pack up his clothes, shower quickly and efficiently, and dress appropriately for the day, all before heading to the mess hall for breakfast.

 

However, today was not one of those mornings.

 

Finn lay in his bed, white sheets pulled over his half-clothed body, eyes glued to the ceiling as he contemplated starting his day. The clock read 08:25; just early enough for breakfast, though he didn’t feel much like eating, let alone socializing with semi-familiar faces. Lying in silence was peaceful, or at the very least comfortable, if he could manage to push all his anxiety out. Footsteps passed outside as others hustled to start their own days, to the showers, to the locker rooms, to the mess hall. Finn felt useless, lying here as everyone else was already on their way to a productive day. How easy it was to do nothing.

 

The sound of something sliding against the floor startled Finn from his thoughts, his head jerking up to see what it was. Looking down over his feet, a small envelope sitting innocently at the base of the door, while a shadow remained just visible through the crack, holding its position if only for a moment before disappearing. Finn frowned, unsure of what to make of it all.

 

He got up just the same, padding across the room in his underwear to crouch down and retrieve the note left for him by this mysterious stranger. He read the note on the front ' _Please don’t throw this away',_ immediately recognizing Poe’s neat, all-capital handwriting. Finn groaned to himself, already feeling conflicted. Was it a good idea to open it and read it right away? Or should he wait until he felt he was in a better mindset?

 

He placed the note on his bedside table, getting ready for the day. It might be easier to read it with someone instead of alone. Then again, it could be full of deeply personal information; stuff Finn wouldn’t feel comfortable letting someone else read. He paused in front of the table again, staring at the plain white envelope. He mulled it over for a moment, contemplating how it might affect the rest of his day. _Not_ reading it could be worse, he’d be thinking about it all day, wondering what it could possibly say. It’d be a distraction, and that wouldn’t help him in the slightest.

 

He grabbed the envelope off the table, sitting back down on his bed to stare at it in his hands. _Just read it, what could it possibly say?_

Finn tore at the edge, unfolding the neatly creased sheet of paper to read the note, eyes immediately catching the words _‘I love you’_ and _‘stars’._ He started from the beginning, letting his mind imagine as if Poe were speaking directly to him.

 

Finn’s heart sank, constricted, soared, and beat hard into his throat all in the span of the two minutes it took the read the letter. He exhaled, his head dropping to his chest and his eyes closing as he thought about how to handle this. He really, really wanted to fix things with Poe, to make things as they were, but he was scared. He didn’t know how people said they were sorry, or how relationships changed after issues like this. Did they just forget and move forward? Or were there new agreements made to prevent it from happening again?

 

The way he’d ended the letter, _‘Love, Your Poe’,_ it made his the skin on the back of his neck tingle, much like it did when they would kiss. He felt adored, completely accepted and loved by someone else, by Poe. It was all he ever really wanted, and now here he was, debating with himself over throwing it away or making sure he could have it back for good.

 

 _'Whenever you’re ready'._ Finn felt ready, or as ready as he ever would be, mentally preparing himself to speak to Poe face to face again finally. He’d spent enough time holed up in his room, wallowing in his confusion for far too long. If things could get better from here, it was worth trying. Knowing Poe had been just outside his door, leaving this letter for him... that was enough affirmation that fixing things would be the right decision.

 

Finn started collecting his things, shoving the note in his jacket pocket for later. He’d talk to Rey about it, see what she thought he should do; she was always so good at calming him down.

 

 

**/**

 

“He wrote you a letter?” Rey asked, her voice turning up at the end. She was watering her plants, milling around the large greenhouse she had volunteered to help maintain. It housed the majority of the vegetables and produce the Resistance used to feed its army, but also was home to beautiful flowers, succulents, and other interesting plant life Finn wasn’t even sure what they all were.

 

“Yeah, he says he wants to talk to me face to face, to apologize.” Finn fiddled with a leaf on a large, green, vine-like plant, feeling the rubbery texture between his fingers.

 

“That’s wonderful, Finn. This is exactly what I said would happen, isn’t it?”

 

‘Well, yeah—”

 

“So what’s wrong then?”

 

Finn laughed, used to Rey being able to see through him as if he were made of glass. “I just don’t know what to say, or where we should talk.”

 

Rey picked up her watering device, pouring a generous amount over a small pink and green plant sprouting from the dirt. “Somewhere private, I would think. You don’t want to be interrupted in the middle of it all.”

 

“And what do I say?”

 

“What you want to say. You let your heart tell you that, otherwise you’ll be stuck in a place neither of you are happy in.” Rey brushed a stray piece of hair away from her face, her cheeks rosy as she smiled at Finn. “Tell him you love him. It shouldn’t be hard if you’re being honest. You do love him, don’t you?”

 

“Of course I do!” Finn felt his temperature rise slightly. “I just… never learned how to say that, other than literally saying ‘I love you’.”

 

Wiping her hands off on her dusty brown trousers, Rey took a seat on a nearby stool, the light from the frosted windows glowing against her face. “Poe will be more than happy to hear it any way you manage to say it. Don’t over think it, I know you’ll be fine. I just want to see you two happy together, again.”

 

Finn felt himself mirroring her calm smile, the weight that had been resting in his belly feeling a little lighter. “Thanks, Rey. You always know what to say.”

 

“It’s easy to know what to say with you.” Rey rolled up her sleeves, picking up a smaller pot to focus on adjusting the soil. “So, where do you want to talk to him? I could tell him where to meet you.”

 

Finn was silent for a moment, considering the places he had already thought of. “I was thinking outside tonight, on that hill by the hangar.” His eyes flickered down. “He always seemed to like spending time outside with me at night, under the stars.”

 

“How _romantic,”_ Rey chuckled, setting the plant back down. “Well, alright, I’ll be sure to tell him.”

 

“When do you ever see him, anyway?” Finn shot her a quizzical look.

 

“I see him around. I do pilot sometimes, you know. He’s not the only one to ever spend time at the landing zone.”

 

“Oh, right. I guess not. Well, thanks, for everything. You're the best friend I've ever had.”

 

“You are, too. Don’t worry about it, just clear your mind of anger before you speak to him, it’ll be easier that way.”

 

“You sound like a real Jedi.”

 

Rey beamed. “Thanks, I’m trying.”


	29. Take me somewhere nice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For listening while reading:  
> [Transatlanticism - Death Cab for Cutie](https://youtu.be/-3b6hDCIeDk)  
> [Film - Aphex Twin](https://youtu.be/iiZEto2j2GQ)  
> 

Finn sat alone on the hill, knees pulled up to his chest as he watched the fireflies float by, his heartbeat slowing with the ebb and flow of the breeze. He let his mind drift, doing his best to heed Rey’s advice, focusing on the silence, save for the distant sound of crickets and trees creaking. The air was crisp, cooler than it had been that afternoon, making Finn pull the leather jacket a little tighter over his shoulders. He loved the evenings here, the way everyone seemed to just disappear from their usual positions around the hangar bay and tarmac. He could sit outside and no one would mind, no one would notice him missing or out of place.

 

“Rey said I might find you out here.”

 

Finn’s heart leapt, looking over his shoulder to see Poe walking across the open grass towards the hill. Finn noticed his beard first; dark and scruffy across his jaw, surrounding his mouth, while his curly hair, usually swept back in an effortless quaff, was a rumpled mess, falling messily across his forehead. His posture was different, shoulders slumped slightly and hands shoved in his jacket pockets.

 

“Is it alright if I sit?”

 

Finn nodded, his voice caught somewhere in his throat.

 

“Oh, good,” Poe smiled, though it lacked in comparison to the usual toothy grin he wore. “Thanks.”

 

He sat silently beside Finn, not reaching out, not saying a word, just staring off into the starry evening before them. The cool breeze pulled through the trees every so often, just enough to bring a shiver down his spine. The sound of crickets and other animals broke the stillness of the moment, bringing memories of camping together to Poe’s mind. It was hard to not speak, but he wanted to be sure this happened on Finn’s terms.

 

"I got your letter," Finn finally spoke, his voice quiet and distant. His eyes didn’t move from where they’re focused, somewhere just beyond the treeline. He looked the same as he ever did, albeit his eyes showing signs he was tired. "I'm lost, Poe."

 

Poe remained silent, turning his head slightly to show he was listening.

 

"I’ve felt really alone, I’m not sure what to do. I'm not even sure where I belong.”

 

"Here."

 

Finn glanced at Poe, his stomach still in knots.

 

"You belong here, with us. With your new friends, with the Resistance." Poe spoke confidently, certain of his words.

 

"With you?"

 

Poe hesitated. "If you want."

 

"What do you want?"

 

"Of course I want you to be with me, but you don't belong to me. You belong to no one, but you're wanted here."

 

Finn rested his head in his hands. "Yeah... That still feels weird."

 

"What? Being wanted?"

 

"Mm, yeah."

 

“All I ever hoped for was for you to feel wanted,” Poe stated. “I want you.”

 

“Then why would you push me away?” Finn frowned, his eyebrows knit over heavy eyes.

 

“I wasn’t pushing you away, you know that…” Poe said, his voice faltering slightly. “You know I’d never do that.”

 

“I don’t know that. I really don’t feel like I know much, to be honest.”

 

“You know that I love you, Finn. That will always be true.”

 

“Love is a word I’m only starting to fully understand. Saying you love me still sounds so foreign, I don’t know what that means to you.”

 

Poe was thoughtful for a moment. He wanted Finn to know he loved him, but the idea that the word wouldn’t necessarily mean the same thing never even occurred to him. “That’s a hard thing to answer. I don’t know how I can tell you, but I’ll try to show you. I’ve always tried to show you.”

 

Finn smiled slightly, though his eyes remained the same.

 

Poe reached out to touch his shoulder, needing to feel him, but retracted, feeling apprehensive of what Finn wanted right now. "I've never felt this way about anyone. You changed something in me, I don't know what, but I just know. You're so important to me."

 

"Why?"

 

“Wh…” Poe sounded offended. _“Why?”_

“Yeah, I don’t really know what makes me important to you.”

 

“Do you want me to list everything? Because I can and I will.”

 

Finn’s smile grew a little wider, finally meeting his eyes.

 

“You’re smart, strong, brave, sweet, caring, passionate, trustworthy, incredibly beautiful—”

 

“Stop, stop…” Finn’s cheeks darkened. “I… thank you. It feels weird to hear anyone use those words to describe someone like me.”

 

 _“Someone like you?”_ Poe said, equally as offended. “You’re amazing, Finn. Don’t… don’t doubt that you deserve to be called any of those things, and more.” He exhaled, feeling the breeze against their backs as he attempted to show Finn just how worthy of love his really is. "You deserve so much happiness. Through everything that happened, all I wanted was for you to be happy. I thought I was doing that, I thought it was the right thing for you."

 

Finn looked away suddenly, his smile fading as quickly as it had appeared. Poe’s heart sank, what had he said wrong?

 

"Why does everyone else keep telling me what the right thing for me is?" Finn grumbled, unable to look Poe in the face when he spoke. "Why am I not allowed to figure that out for myself?"

 

"You are, of course you are. Everyone else… they’re all idiots, I'm one of them."

 

"You're not an idiot, Poe." Finn sighed.

 

 _"I am_ , I’m a complete fucking idiot. I can't forgive myself for what I did to you."

 

Finn's throat constricted, the sorrow in Poe's dark eyes nearly bringing him to tears.

 

"Please, Finn, I’m so sorry about all of it. You were _my everything_. You still are, I can barely live without you. I don't know how I did before, but now, I just," Poe wiped a tear from his cheek, taking a deep breath before continuing. "I just want you to be happy."

 

"I was happy," Finn sighed, reaching out to touch Poe's hand. "I was so, so happy with you. More than happy, I don't even have a better word. I was so in love with you, everything about you, everything we did together."

 

"…Was?" Poe asked gingerly, bracing himself to hear what he was dreading most.

 

"I..." Finn exhaled, collecting himself as best he could. "I don't really like saying it like that; of course I still love you. But I don't know what to do from here, I don't want to keep thinking it'll all just go away and be the same."

 

The two men were silent, fumbling with their hands as they stared off into the rich velvet of the sky. Neither one knew what the right thing was to say here, what either was really feeing.

 

"I don't know where you see it."

 

"Hmm?" Poe turned to look at Finn, his face still fixed forward on the sky beyond the horizon.

 

"How you can compare me to a star. I'm not even close to that. I don't have anything special about me."

 

Poe felt his chest swell, his throat tightening as hot tears rolled down his cheeks.

 

"Why are you crying?" Finn looked alarmed.

 

"Because I failed. I did everything wrong, I didn't--" Poe sniffed, covering his mouth to hide his frown. "I didn't love you enough. If you don't see how perfect you are, I did everything wrong."

 

"How can you say that? How am I even remotely close to 'perfect'?" Finn touched the grass, feeling the smooth petals of a white flower between his fingers. "I'm no one."

 

"You're _everything_ , you're the stars, the sky, the planets, the ocean, and everything around it. You're light, you're pure and good and honest and, and, gods, Finn--" Poe closed his eyes, his voice catching in his throat. "Finn, if I haven't been able to make you see that, let me try again."

 

"Again." Finn repeated, wanting so badly to go back to things as they were again.

 

"Tell me I'm not wrong. Please, if you still love me, tell me we can fix this. It won't go away, but that doesn't mean we can't move on from here."

 

"What does that look like?"

 

"What?"

 

"What does moving on look like? To you?"

 

Poe scratched a hand through his hair, breathing for a moment to will the tears away. "It looks like healing. It doesn't mean you have to forgive me right away, but it means trying again. It looks like actually communicating better, no more hiding feelings or doing something completely stupid because you think it's a good idea." He smiled weakly, though his eyes betrayed him. "I want it to look like _us_. I want to be a part of whatever future you have, wherever that takes you."

 

Finn took in his words, his mind getting stuck on the way Poe said 'future'. "What sort of future?"

 

"That's the fun part, neither of us knows. We could make it whatever we want, wherever you want." Poe lay a hand in the grass, his palm open. "I'm not sure if or when I could leave the Resistance, but if that was what you wanted, I'd try to find a way."

 

"We can't leave, they need us. You're their best pilot, you couldn't--"

 

"I'd leave if it meant I could be with you."

 

Finn looked down at Poe's open hand. "I don't want to leave. Not forever. But I want to travel; I want to see more, to try more. But I don't want to do it alone," Finn placed his hand on Poe's, curling his fingers into the spaces between. "I need a pilot."

 

Poe felt tears rolling down his cheeks again, his smile stretching from ear to ear.

 

“Don’t… don’t cry again? Why are you crying this time? I’m saying I—I want to, I want you back, I want to fix this—” Finn’s face turned panicked.

 

“I know, buddy, I know, I just-- I’m happy. I’m so happy,” Poe smudged the tears away before resting his head on Finn’s shoulder. “I love you so much, thank you for giving me a second chance.”

 

“I don’t want to call it that,” Finn rubbed his hands over Poe’s back, “I love you, too. Let’s just… Can we say we just, like, took a break? Or something? Do people do that?”

 

“Yeah, people do that, we can say that,” Poe looked up, his face inches from Finn’s. “Whatever you want, I’m just so happy to have you back.”

 

“ _Mmm_ , yeah…” Finn hesitated for a second, anxious about what he wanted to say, but deciding it was better than not. "We never really did anything. Rey and I, we just kissed. I don't think either of us really wanted more than that."

 

"That's okay, you don't have to justify anything."

 

"No, I know, I just want you to know. Rey says she sees it, that we're in love. She says she can tell."

 

"I know. Rey's a good person, she’s using her Jedi powers for good already,” Poe laughed, that flicker of perfect teeth finally showing itself again, the kind that made Finn's stomach flip. "I feel so much worse about it all, now."

 

"It's okay, I know. I felt weird about everything, too." Finn smiled, eyes drifting skyward to look at the stars overhead. "I learned more about myself, though."

 

"Yeah? Like what?”

 

"I learned that I understand jealousy, that it's an awful feeling. And that love works in different ways for different people. Also that I like girls too, but I don't really know much about that." Finn blushed slightly.

 

"Jealousy is a nasty beast, that's for sure," Poe smirked. "But hey, you and me both on the last part. Women are amazing, I totally get it."

 

"But Rey isn't someone I want to be with like that. I thought I did, but I figured out that I just love her like..." Finn shrugged, unable to think of the right word to apply to her.

 

"Like family?"

 

"Yeah. Yeah, something like that. I don't really know what it means to have family, but I guess I that’s how I think of her.”

 

Poe’s eyes crinkled into the warm smile Finn was really starting to miss. “You know, that makes me really happy, Finn. You deserve to have a family.” He took Finn’s hand in his, their fingers fitting together like they were meant to be there.

 

“I’d like to think you’re part of my family,” Finn said, nudging his shoulder into Poe’s.

 

“You’re gonna make me cry _again,_ man, come on,” Poe huffed, nudging Finn back.

 

The sky turned from velvet blue to deep black, silver stars shining even brighter overhead. Finn let his eyes fall shut for a while, taking in the scent of Poe so close to him again, his body warm and comforting. Fireflies danced over the grass around them, Poe watching them with heavy eyes. It was so much easier to relax, to just let go and take contentment in each other’s very much missed company. Poe breathed a sigh of relief, his heart finally slowing to a normal pace. Finn had forgiven him, that was all he wanted, that was all he needed right now. The rest would come later; they had all the time in the galaxy for that.

 

“You’ve gotten all scruffy,” Finn said quietly. “I’ve never seen you with a beard.”

 

Poe hummed, scratching at the offending facial hair. “Mmm, yeah, sorry, haven’t shaved in a while. It’ll be gone soon.”

 

“Does it have to be? I kinda like it, it suits you.”

 

Poe laughed, warm and deep, reverberating through his chest to Finn’s. “Yeah? Hey, if you say so.”

 

“I do, it looks… rugged.” Finn smirked.

 

“Kiss me?” Poe asked softly, dark curls falling across his forehead as he tilted to get a better look at Finn’s face.

 

“Do you even have to ask?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THEY DID IT! lol, this was a longer process than I had originally intended. Work's kept me busy, but I've had these two fuckers in my head the whole time. Only a couple more chapters after this, and then I think we're done (until the next fic!)


	30. I love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mood music:  
> [Entrance / It All Feels Right - Washed Out](https://youtu.be/dRaphzoHazc)  
> [Supersymmetry - Arcade Fire](https://youtu.be/-vE04u94h0Y)  
> 

Sunrises were pretty, but they always looked the best from the comfort of their bed in the wee hours of the morning. Soft light cast across their bodies, framing Finn's peaceful face with a halo-like glow; one of his favourite sights, by far.

 

Poe watched him sleep through heavy eyes; the gentle rise and fall of his chest, the way his expression relaxed into something so much more innocent, a lifetime of stress temporarily wiped away. Finn lay on his back, head lolling to one side, a single arm tossed across his chest, the other between them. Poe curled into his side, inhaling deeply at the crook of Finn's neck, holding onto the faint musky smell of his skin. This; this was perfect. Sleeping together on the makeshift mattress bed on the floor like they use to, a heap of blankets and pillows surrounding them like a fort. It felt so right waking up next to each other, pulling his body closer, to hold him, feel him. This is where Poe belonged, right here next to Finn.

 

BB-8 sat charging in low-power mode in the corner by the desk, a single light glowing in and out to show it was still on, head lolling to one side as if it were sleepy, too.

 

Falling back asleep was almost too easy, and he was slipping back into unconsciousness before too long.

 

When Poe awoke a second time, it was in the best way possible, with Finn placing a gentle kiss to his cheek.

 

"G'morning," Finn spoke quietly, his lips not far from Poe's ear. "It's not late, don't worry."

 

"Who's worrying?" Poe mumbled, turning over on his side to get a better look at Finn's sweet face. "I'm taking the day off, I don't care how late it is, all I want is to be with you."

 

Finn just smiled, his dark eyes still heavy with sleep.

 

"It's so good to have you here," Poe rolled over to throw an arm over Finn's chest, squeezing him lightly. "I missed you... Gods, you have no idea how much I've missed you."

 

"I missed you, too. I never got used to sleeping alone, like.... ever."

 

"I'll make sure you never have to sleep alone again."

 

Finn laughed, nuzzling his head into Poe's hair. "You can't promise that, you have to go away sometimes. What about when you go on missions for the General?"

 

"I'll take you with me."

 

"I dunno if you can do that..."

 

"Oh, I'll be sure to find a way," Poe pressed several hurried kisses to Finn's cheeks and neck. "I promise."

 

Finn laughed, his smile lighting up the entire room as he swatted Poe off. "Quit it! You make a lot of promises, y'know."

 

" _Mmm_ , I know," Poe buried his face into the crook of Finn's neck. "And I mean all of them."

 

Finn took a deep breath, his eyes falling closed again. "Poe Dameron..."

 

"Hmm? Using my full name?"

 

"Yeah, I am. You are something else."

 

"Can't say I haven't heard that before."

 

Finn scoffed. "Well, you are. You're so unlike everyone else I've known, you make waking up something I look forward to."

 

"You're too _good_ for me," Poe groaned. "I dunno how I ended up with someone like you."

 

"I think I know how--"

 

 _"I know_ how, but I got lucky. More than lucky, more like blessed. Someone must have sent you to me, you're like an angel. _My_ angel, in shining white armor."

 

"Shut _up_ _!"_ Finn laughed, covering his burning face with his palms. "How can you talk like that..." Despite his humiliation, loving Poe was so easy, almost _too_ easy. The way his smile seemed to welcome Finn in, his arms always open, his voice so warm and encouraging. It was easy to lose focus just by looking into his eyes, or melt into the honey of his voice as he waxed poetic over his love for him. Finn, of all people, was the man Poe had fallen for. So unapologetically referring to him as an ‘angel’, of all things. It felt surreal, like a dream he might wake from sooner than he’d like, or maybe he was hallucinating. Maybe he was still in sickbay, dreaming his life away in a coma. If this was his dream, he was more than okay with it. Either way, it all felt too good to be true.

 

But sometimes, _sometimes,_ like right now, here in this bed with Poe pouring nothing but sweetness over Finn, accepting this reality felt so right.

 

"Because I love you,” Poe breathed close to his ear, his voice husky and warm like the rosy sunrise outside their window. “I'll tell you as many times as you need to hear it, and then some." He sat up, his expression suddenly very serious, though his eyes were still soft. "Finn, I said it before, you deserve so much love and happiness. I don't know what to do to make you believe it, but I'll keep trying."

 

Finn looked up at the curly haired, scruffy pilot above him, observing the thoughtful expression he wore. "Thank you. Really, it still feels so strange to have so much... love, directed towards me. But it means so much more coming from you.”

 

"Every time I imagine how you must have been treated before, I just..." Poe sighed, reaching out to have Finn sit up beside him. "I just can't believe it, it isn't fair. I can’t imagine you as a number, as anyone but you, in that helmet, but—“

 

“Shhh, hey, stop,” Finn drew Poe closer, holding him in a loose hug. “I’ve always been me, it just took too long to finally leave. I’m here now, I have you, I have all of this. That’s all I could have ever wanted.”

 

“Gods, I love you, Finn.” Poe said softly, leaning his head into Finn’s shoulder.

 

“I love you too,” Finn stared across the bed, at the way their legs lay under the sheets, the calm of the room, and the light from the small window. “I love you, too.”

 

 

**/**

 

 

Falling back into their old routine was easier than Finn thought it would be. They rose together, showering and preparing for the day in unison. Though not much was said, it wasn't hard to tell what the other was thinking. Being apart only made it more clear how right it was to be together, and neither was hesitant in showing just how strongly they felt just that.

 

Poe could barely keep his eyes off Finn, catching himself staring on more than one occasion, taking in every smile, every hint of skin, and especially the hints of tattoo he would notice just visible from the edge of Finn’s sleeve. It was a beautiful design, he’d watched Jessika etch it there himself, but something about the way it stretched and rested against Finn’s perfect skin did something to him. It was so much more than just flowers, or the Resistance symbol, or even a cover up of his designation number. No, it was a design Finn had made all on his own; something to represent his new self, his dreams and heart and soul. Poe could see it, all the passion and love in Finn’s heart, the energy that drove him to escape his old life, to break free from who he was told to be. It was incredible, to say the least. Poe could barely fathom Finn’s bravery, and cherished every aspect of him that made it all so clear.

 

“Your tattoo healed nicely,” Poe mentioned as nonchalantly as he could manage. “It looks really clean.”

 

Finn glanced down at said ink peaking out of his short-sleeved black shirt before beaming back at Poe. “Thanks! I really love it. I sometimes forget I even have it, and then when I see it again I catch myself smiling like a dope,” He laughed, scratching a hand through his hair. The two men were seated across from each other at a table in the mess hall, trays half empty with the day’s lunch.

 

“I’m really glad you thought of such a nice design for it, it really suits you.”

 

“You think? I like the flowers the most. It’s nice to have something so beautiful be a part of me, now.” Finn grazed idle fingers over the tattoo, feeling the ridges of the line art that made up the petals.

 

“Yeah? I didn’t know you liked flowers that much, buddy.” Poe paid close attention to Finn’s face, noting how his eyes softened when he spoke.

 

“Oh, well, yeah, they’re so…” Finn thought for a moment. “Different, and soft, and delicate. I never really saw things like that, before. The white ones outside the base are all so pretty, the way they grow in clusters. And the pink and yellow ones Rey’s grown in her greenhouse are so big; I’ve never seen anything like them before. I’m sort of jealous, I wish I could grow flowers like that everywhere. But, yeah, it’s really cool to have them actually on my skin. That way no matter where I am, even if it’s dark or cold, somewhere flowers can’t grow, I always have some with me. Plus, they remind me of when I gave them to you.”

 

Poe felt his cheeks warm, his eyes crinkling with his reflexive smile. “That might be the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard.”

 

“Nah…” Finn poked at his food, taking a small mouthful to avoid embarrassing himself further.

 

“Never be ashamed of seeing beauty in the world, Finn. That’s one of the things I love about you, don’t hide it.”

 

Finn gave a small smile, still chewing, his eyes flicking back down to his tray.

 

“What do you wanna do after this?” Poe tidied up his tray, stacking his cup and cutlery along with it.

 

“Well,” Finn swallowed. “I thought it’d be nice if we could go for a walk.”

 

“A walk, huh? Where to?”

 

“I thought I’d let you decide, you know this planet better than I do.” Finn stacked up his own tray. “We don’t have to, if you don’t want. It was just an idea.”

 

“A perfectly good idea, I’ll take it,” Poe winked, a look that always somehow managed to give Finn butterflies. “Let’s go.”

 

 

**/**

 

Two days had passed since Finn had forgiven Poe. Two days of his life finally returning to ‘normal’, or as close to normal as his life had been lately. Their first day spending time together again felt like Finn had hoped it would; contentedly normal. Poe had a way of easing his anxieties without doing much besides speaking to him, or the occasional light touch along his arm. Affectionate contact was something he’d just begun to feel comfortable with, as initially he’d had difficulty knowing when the right time was to reach out and touch someone, or would recoil when someone else did. Yet, the simplest of touches from Poe could put him at ease, and spending a long, lazy morning in bed together helped to do just that.

 

Today, however, was not as relaxing or romantic. Today was a day much like any other before, and Finn was back to work, training, duties, and everything else he had grown used to. In the morning, Finn rose early without nearly as much difficulty ( _something he was quite thankful for_ ), headed to the showers, and dressed in a grey t-shirt and black trousers, skipping the leather jacket for the sake of keeping cool. He ate breakfast by himself, and headed straight to physical training. A morning in the workout facilities felt good for both is body and mind, and the company of others helped make him feel at home again.

 

In the afternoon, Finn grabbed a quick lunch on a tray with a canteen, and headed to the grassy area outside the hangar instead of the crowded mess hall. Although he had originally planned to eat alone, Rey, with a neatly packed up meal of her own, pleasantly surprised him.

 

“Hello, Finn,” Rey said warmly, taking a seat beside him. “How have you been? How have _things_ been?”

 

Finn smiled back, watching as she carefully unpacked her boxed lunch. “Good, good… Things have been really good, actually.”

 

“I take it that means you’ve spoken with Poe?” Rey’s freckles looked even more apparent in the sunlight, framing her smile like tiny constellations.

 

“Yeah, we talked, we uh,” A small smile broke across Finn’s face, happy to be able to say the words. “We’re back together. We decided to say that we just took a short break.”

 

Rey smiled wide, placing a calming palm on Finn’s knee. “Glad to hear it. You two belong together, I can see it.”

 

“That… means a lot coming from you.”

 

Rey simply shrugged and smirked, placing a smaller piece of sushi in her mouth.

 

“Your lunch looks good… what is that?” Finn eyed the neatly arranged box in her lap, noting the small, carefully wrapped rolls and slices of meat beside them.

 

“Sushi. I’d never had it before, but I’ve been introduced to a lot of new foods here. Here, take some.” Rey held the box out for Finn as he carefully picked up a roll with green, orange, and pink contents.

 

Finn chewed the piece thoughtfully; enjoying the unique flavor in comparison to the majority of foods he’d had growing up. “This is…” He swallowed. “Actually pretty good, I wasn’t sure what to expect, but I like it.”

 

“I have a feeling we both have a lot of new foods to try.” Rey took a piece of her own, placing the box back down on the ground between them. She kicked her feet out, brown boots and dusty cropped trousers resting in the grass.

 

“Poe’s introduced me to a lot. Even alcohol, actually.”

 

“Alcohol was pretty plentiful on Jakku, but far too expensive for me to even consider, not to mention impractical. What was it like?”

 

Finn chuckled quietly at the memory, holding his canteen with both hands. “Well, some of it tastes pretty great. But some of it tastes like poison.”

 

“That doesn’t sound very enjoyable.”

 

“It is once you have enough.”

 

“Why?”

 

“It makes you feel… really happy. And sort of invincible? Like, you don’t really care what happens, because you’re having so much fun.” Finn took a sip, recalling the morning after. “But then the next day you can feel pretty much like you’re dying. I thought I was poisoned until Poe gave me some medicine.”

 

“Why in the galaxy would you want to do that?”

 

Finn burst into laughter, covering his face to hide his blushing. “I don’t know! It was fun at the time, though I have a feeling I went overboard. We could try it again together some time, if you’d like. I think I’d be better at gauging how much is enough.”

 

“Perhaps…” Rey shook her head, laughing through her nose slightly. “You’re quite adventurous, Finn.”

 

“Am I?”

 

“It seems pretty apparent to me that you are,” Rey took a swig from her own bottle. “I don’t think I’d be as keen to try such dangerous things.”

 

“You flew ‘garbage’ away from a TIE fighter, off of Jakku, and fought Kylo,” Finn scoffed. “I think you’re more than a bit willing to play with danger.”

 

Rey’s face lit up, shaking her head again at the thought of all of it. “We _both_ did. But, I know. I still can hardly believe we did all that.”

 

Finn nudged her with his elbow. “We’re rebel scum.”

 

“Such rebels. We’re big deals in the Resistance!”

 

“Well, _I am,_ anyway.”

 

Rey fell over into the grass, laughing so hard she had to cover her face. “You’re so ridiculous! I love you, my friend.”

 

“I love you too, Rey.” It felt easier to say, now that he knew where they both stood. Love between friends was just as important, and the love he felt for Rey was strong, a bond he was thankful to have.

 

“Do you want to practice sparring again after this?”

 

“For sure.”

 

 

**/**

 

Exhausted from the day’s work, Finn made his way back to his room, looking forward to the moment of peace on his bed before cleaning up for dinner. He trudged through the busy halls, steering clear of the bustling crewmembers, his mind still slightly hazy. It had been a good day, despite not getting to see much of Poe. Finn knew he was busy, but even he couldn’t help but feel some bitterness towards the lack of time they got to spend together. It felt like they really only saw each other in the evenings, or the rare occasion when one had some spare time to go see what the other was up to. But, today had been a good day, so it wasn’t worth dwelling on.

 

Finn rounded the corner, and paused outside his door, fumbling in his pocket for a moment for his keycard, before tapping it to the door. And then his jaw dropped.

 

From floor to ceiling, across the bed, on the desk, even the bedside table, Finn’s small room was overflowing with flowering blooms. Pink, white, blue, every shade, in vases on the tables, the windowsill, laid across the bed, and hung up on the walls with string. Even from the entrance, he could smell the beautiful, light fragrance filling the room. Finn stepped in gingerly, his eyes blown wide at the sight; he’d never dreamed of seeing anything like it, not even in the greenhouse. Taking the petal of a large, pale purple flower in one hand, he felt the soft velvet between his fingers, admiring the contrast between the yellow center and the surrounding tiny white blooms. It was astounding, beyond words, and he could feel his entire body glowing with bliss at the thought of who could have done this for him.

 

“Do you like it?” asked a voice from the door, and Finn spun around to meet it.

 

Poe leaned in the doorframe, arms folded and face soft. His hair looked freshly washed, soft brown curls combed back into a quaff across his forehead, dark beard trimmed into a neater shape, but still there ( _just for Finn_ ). He wore a white thermal shirt, sleeves rolled up to the elbows, and his usual khaki work pants.

 

Finn was practically speechless; his brain wracking itself to find the words that best matched how he felt. He stood dumbfounded, his face no doubt held in an embarrassing expression.

 

“Is that a yes, or…?” Poe stepped closer, holding his arms out to draw Finn in. “’Cause I can take them away, if you hate it.”

 

Finn spluttered, finding some sort of words to protest. “I love it! How could I—How did you…. They’re all so…” Finn practically threw himself into the other man’s arms, squeezing him so tight Poe squeaked a bit. “They’re beautiful, they’re amazing. You’re amazing. I love you, Poe. Oh my gods.”

 

“Oh _good_ , I was worried there for a moment,” Poe teased, hugging Finn snugly. “I wasn’t sure which kinds were your favourite so…”

 

“All of them. I don’t have a favourite, I love—I love them all, these are so…” Finn let go for a moment, eyes scanning over the room in awe. “They’re perfect.”

 

“Like you.” Poe’s infectious smile met his dark eyes, creasing just along the edges.

 

Finn’s cheeks darkened. “You say the cheesiest things…”

 

“It’s hard not to be cheesy when I’m lookin’ at you, babe,” Poe reached for Finn’s waist. “C’mere, I want to kiss you, I’ve been waiting all day.”

 

They met in a soft embrace, Poe gripping Finn’s hips as he brought their lips together, Finn cupping a hand along Poe’s scruffy jaw.

 

“It tickles…” Finn muttered.

 

Poe laughed softly, nibbling at the edge of Finn’s lip. “Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”

 

Finn hummed, letting his eyes fall shut as he leaned in for another kiss, his hand finding it’s way around Poe’s back. “Not sure, let me test it some more…”

 

 

**/**

 

By evening, Finn had managed to find more containers for most of the stray flowers, placing them around any bare surface he could find in his tiny room. However, Poe had to take some back to his room as well, lining the desk with pink, white, and lavender blooms.

 

“I want them there, too,” Finn said, grinning ear to ear. “Then any room I sleep in can be beautiful.”

 

They lay together in Finn’s bed that night, BB-8 projecting stars on the ceiling again, pale blue light glowing against the petals around the room.

 

“Y’know,” Poe spoke quietly, his hand linked with Finn between them. “We could get a bigger room. For both of us, I mean.”

 

“Really?” Finn turned his head to get a better look at Poe, though they were barely inches away. “How?”

 

“I could pull a few strings, play the commanding rank card… But the easiest way, and don’t freak out on me, _please_ ,” Poe squeezed his hand, taking a deep breath before continuing. “I’m not trying to scare you. But, if we were married, getting a bigger, shared room would be a lot easier. It’s basically a given at that point.”

 

Finn suddenly felt like his heart might beat out of his chest, his mind flooding with echoes of the word. “M… _married?”_

 

“Oh _kriff,_ sorry, I’m sorry, hey,” Poe turned over on his side, the blankets shifting with him. “I don’t mean that. Or, well, I do, but what I mean is that I don’t want to panic you. I’m just talking out loud—”

 

“No,” Finn interrupted, propping himself up on his elbows. “No, you said married. You want us to be married?”

 

“Now, that’s not what I meant, come on…” Poe scrubbed a hand over his face. “Marriage is old world, I really don’t think it’s necessary anymore, and it definitely shouldn’t be the only way to get a bigger room. I just wanted to, to bring up the idea. Of a better room, I mean. We could fit all the flowers you’d like in there, then.”

 

Finn smiled, both at the idea of filling a shared room with fresh blooms, and at how awkward Poe had become when having to explain himself. “I like the sound of that, and I don’t mean the bigger room.”

 

“You don’t—” Poe huffed a sigh of relief. “You mean that? You’d wanna do that? With me? To _me?”_

“Who else?” Finn leaned in, bumping their foreheads together.

 

Poe sat bolt upright, his skin exposed as the blanket rolled off of him. “I have to—I have to ask you now. Are you saying yes?”

 

Finn rose to meet him, reaching to hold Poe’s hands. “Is this really happening?”

 

“You tell me, buddy, I’m the one freaking out now.” Poe couldn’t help but laugh, his brow knit in hopefulness. “Say it, please, Finn. Will you marry me?”

 

Finn glanced down at their hands, and then back up at Poe’s dark yes, creased in expectation. “Yes. _Yes,_ yes, yes, I will, I—I want to marry you. I want to sleep together always, not just sometimes. I want… I want this, _us_ , forever.”

 

BB-8 suddenly chirped loudly from across the room, rolling to the bed beeping excitedly as the starry projection followed behind it.

 

“Yeah, he did! BB, I, yeah, I know, it’s crazy,” Poe grinned at the droid, then back at Finn, then back at the droid. “I have something for you.” He stuck his hand out as BB-8 ejected a small drawer in it’s side, plucking the contents out carefully. “Put… put your hand out, yeah?”

 

Finn did as he was asked. He found himself speechless yet again as he watched Poe slide a thin silver band over his fourth finger through wide eyes.

 

“I’ve had that for a long time. Like,” Poe chuckled to himself. “A _really_ long time. I wasn’t sure when the right moment would come, but I guess there never really is a ‘perfect time’. And before, I really thought… I thought I’d never get to give it to you. But now, here we are. I guess I’m lucky BB-8 was here so I could actually give it to you right now.” He laughed awkwardly, blush rapidly creeping up his cheeks. “It’s nothing special, it’s just a simple durasteel band, but I can get you a better one, or we could get matching ones. If you want, that is. Come on, buddy, say something, you gotta stop me here, I’m making a fool of myself.”

 

“I love it.” Finn blurted, taking his eyes off the ring to throw arms around Poe. “I love you, I love it, I love all of this. I love BB-8, I love… I love, I love…” Finn retracted to wipe his face, tears streaming down his cheeks. “Thank you, Poe, I... I wish I had something to give you.”

 

“I love you, Finn. We can figure that out later, I’m just so happy you said _yes_.” Poe kissed his cheeks, wiping the tears away with his thumbs. “Come lie down, cuddle me, just… be with me.”

 

“I’m always with you. I needed a pilot, I still need you.” Finn lay down, their bodies slotting together with him as the little spoon.

 

BB-8 beeped happily before rolling to the opposite end of the room, turning off it’s projector and switching to low-power mode for the night. It’s job had been fulfilled, no need to stay on while the humans slept.

 

“Does this mean…. I’m ‘Finn Dameron’?” Finn spoke quietly, hesitantly feeling the words as the left his mouth.

 

Poe chuckled quietly, squeezing his body closer. “Only if you want to be.”

 

“Of course I do. ‘Finn _Lightsaber’_ doesn’t exactly have the same ring to it.”

 

“Well,” Poe’s voice grew quieter, husky next to Finn’s ear. “You can be Mister Dameron, and a ring to match.”

 

“Now you really are _my Poe_.” Finn wrapped his arms over Poe’s.

 

“Mmm, I am. I always will be.” Poe was practically radiating pure joy, and the smooth skin of his chest was warm against Finn’s back. He’d been across the galaxy and back, seen more lifeforms than most people ever did, met all sorts of folks, and yet, somehow, here he was, madly in love with an ex-Stormtrooper. If he could have gone back in time to tell himself this would happen, Poe didn’t think he’d believe it. But here, tucked so perfectly against him, Finn was. His Finn, his hero, his brave soldier. His _husband_. “I don’t think I can sleep just yet, now…”

 

“Me either. I have a better idea, though…”

 

“Yeah? You’ll have to show me, I think.”

 

Finn beamed, pulling himself upright to straddle Poe’s lap. “I can do that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you SO MUCH to every single reader, and ESPECIALLY to those who made it this far! I'm so grateful to have had so many wonderful, supportive comments the entire time while writing and posting this. I've loved every second of writing these two, really, they're too damn cute for my heart. This isn't the end, though! I will be writing plenty more in future, but as standalone fics. There also will probably be an epilogue to chapter 30 at some point.
> 
> Again, THANK YOU!! I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter as much as I did writing it. Love you all 


	31. Epilogue: Wedding Beeps

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here it is. The gay space wedding we're all dying for. Thanks for reading, as always 

Things had quickly fallen back into their usual routine; busy days and chatty nights. Nearly every night, Poe pulled his mattress to the ground and made one big bed in the middle of the floor, surrounding it with whatever pillows and blankets they had available. They'd stay up talking, wrapped around each other until the conversations trailed off into soft snoring. Tonight was no different, with BB-8 charging in it’s dock and the lights turned off, the room was lit only by the silver moon outside their window.

 

“So, how does this all work?”

 

“Hm?” Poe turned to face Finn, twisting the sheets along with him.

 

"As in, who marries us? What else does it change besides a bigger room? Are there rules about the ceremony? What are we supposed to wear? Who—"

 

"Hey, whoa, slow down," Poe tutted softly to himself, sitting upright to join Finn. "Okay, so you have a lot of questions. That's fine, I'll answer as many as I can. But you don't need to worry so much, seriously. It'll all be really easy, promise."

 

"You really have to stop making so many promises."

 

"Have I ever broken any?"

 

Finn's face quirked into a lopsided smirk. "I dunno, you've made too many for me to keep track."

 

Poe laughed scrunching the sheets up over his legs a bit as he got comfortable. "Okay, so, what was your first question? Who marries us?"

 

"Yeah, is that someone's job?" Finn stretched his arms over his head, his white sleep shirt lifting up slightly to reveal a sliver of skin.

 

"Well, some people do that as part of their job, but mostly important people and people in charge do it. I think General Organa will be our officiator."

 

"Yeah? She'd do that for us?" Finn broke into a wide grin, pleased with the idea of it being someone he was already familiar with.

 

"Of course, I'm sure she'd be happy to do it. We'll just have to discuss it with her so we can pick a day she isn't busy," Poe leaned over and tackled Finn, pulling him back down into the pillows and holding him close. "Okay, question two. You'll have to remind me what that was."

 

"Uh, are there rules? Like how does it work, what do we do?"

 

"Well every species and planet does it kind of differently. For humans, there are sort of 'rules', but they're more like traditions. We can do it however we want to, we could change up the whole thing, if you want."

 

"I want to do it like everyone else does, whatever's the traditional way," Finn smiled to himself, imagining a wedding like he's seen pictures of. "Is that okay?"

 

"Whatever you want, Finn, I'm happy with anything."

 

"What sort of traditions are there?"

 

Poe was thoughtful for a moment, trying to remember all the important things. "Well, we get to invite all our friends and family and whoever else we want, they get to be our witnesses. And then the General will recite a little bit about how everyone there is people that are important in our lives, and that they're all there to see us 'join in unison', I think that's how it goes."

 

"I like the sound of that," Finn wiggled closer, throwing an arm across Poe's middle. "What else?"

 

"Then we get to exchange vows of sorts to each other. Like promises, or little declarations of love. If you don't want to do that part--"

 

"Why wouldn't I want to do that?"

 

"I don't know, it might be a little embarrassing."

 

"I'm not embarrassed to say I love you." Finn stated very matter-of-factly.

 

Poe felt his cheeks turn hot. "Uh, well, good, that's good. Um, and then we give each other matching tokens, like a ring or a necklace. Some people get tattoos or branding."

 

"But you already gave me a ring!" Finn stretched out his hand, wiggling his fingers to observe the wide silver band.

 

"I know, but we can have matching ones, too."

 

"What do you want to do?"

 

"I'm not sure, my parents exchanged rings, so that's what I'm used to."

 

Finn was quiet for a moment, making Poe a little worried. "I wonder what my parents did."

 

"Hey, c'mon buddy..."

 

"No, I'm fine, I'm just thinking out loud. I like to imagine what sort of people they were, or are. Or if they're even still alive." Finn imagined a set of two people that look sort of like him, but different. The image was different every time he thought of it. He'd tried drawing them a few times, but it never turned out as good as he wanted it to.

 

"I think if they could meet you now, they'd be shocked at how incredible you turned out. I think they'd be proud to have you as their son." Poe turned to kiss his cheek, observing the pensive expression on his face.

 

"Mm, thanks. I like to think so, too."

 

 

**/**

 

 

“We have to start making decisions about things, y’know.” Poe sat on the bed, watching Finn unpack his bag from the day onto the desk.

 

“Yeah, I know,” Finn turned around, a small smile on his lips. “I just feel like we never really have time lately.”

 

“Well, we can start now, and I have an idea to make things easier,” Poe sat a little taller, placing his hands on his knees. “Or, faster, anyway.”

 

“Go on?” Finn folded his arms.

 

“Well, since BB’s thankfully not here right now… For every decision we make, I’ll take off a piece of my clothes,” Cocking an eyebrow, Poe continued. “I’ll give the choices, but picking between them comes down to you.”

 

Finn gave a bewildered look, but shrugged just the same. “Alright then, let’s see how quickly we can make these decisions.”

 

Poe’s face stretched into a perfectly toothy grin, his eyes crinkling along with it. “Perfect, I knew you’d be on board. Okay! So, question one,” he stood, holding his arms out at his sides. “What d'you want to wear? A suit or a uniform?”

 

“Uhh,” Finn looked down at himself. “I’ve basically worn a uniform my whole life, but I’ve never worn a suit before. I don’t have one, though…”

 

“Not a problem, we’ll get you one made. So you’re picking a suit then?”

 

“Yeah, that sounds nice.”

 

“I'm into it," Poe winked. "What colour do you want to wear?”

 

Finn frowned. “Shouldn’t you be taking something off?”

 

 _“Technically_ this is a two-part question. I’ll take something off once you pick a colour.” Poe wiggled his shoulders suggestively.

 

Laughing, Finn scrambled to make a choice. “Okay, okay, uhh, any colour?”

 

“Any colour.”

 

“I like… purple? No, like sky blue. No, dark blue.” Finn sighed, thinking for a moment as Poe smirked deviously in front of him. “Okay, dark blue, final decision.”

 

Poe shrugged off his deep brown leather jacket, letting it fall back on the bed. “Perfect, first choice down, a few more to go. What about me, what should I wear? A suit or my commander’s uniform?”

 

“Shouldn’t that be up to you?”

 

“Eh, I don’t mind either way, I thought I’d let you pick.”

 

Finn took a few steps forward, gripping broad palms over Poe’s hips, thoughtfully biting his lip. “As much as I like suits, I’ve yet to see you in that uniform…”

 

“Yeah?” Poe ground himself against Finn slightly. “I can wear it for you. I could put it on behind closed doors just for you, if you’d like…”

 

“Alright, I pick the uniform, off with it.” Finn’s smile practically curled up to his ears as Poe lifted his arms and tugged off his dusty coloured shirt, revealing the expanse of tanned skin and short trail of dark hair underneath.

 

"Okay, the hard part. When and where do you want to get married? It should probably be somewhere on this planet, which narrows things down a bit, but we have a few choices. And when, meaning time of day, since I’ve already asked General Organa about which dates.”

 

“Outside. I want to be under the sun, in the afternoon."

 

"Quick and easy, I like it." Poe grinned as he undid his belt, enjoying the way Finn's eyes trailed along with his hands. "What about decorations? Do you want anything in particular? Flowers, right?"

 

“Yes, lots of flowers. Please?”

 

“No need for ‘ _please_ ’, it’s whatever you want, buddy.”

 

“Thanks, but not what I’m saying ‘please’ _for,”_ Finn leaned forward with grabby hands to run them along Poe’s torso, but found himself sorely disappointed when Poe pulled away.

 

“Ah ah, no touching ’til we’re done here!” Poe shook his hips side to side, taunting Finn. “I’m taking my shoes off just for that, not as sexy, but still clothes.” Poe sat down on the bed, unlacing his clunky boots and kicking them off onto the floor with a thud. “Question number four, now. Where do you want to go after? We get to go on a trip just us, a ‘honeymoon’.”

 

“… Just the two of us?”

 

“Just you and me, baby.” Poe leaned back on his elbows, knowingly displaying himself. “So, where to?”

 

“Uhh…” Finn had trouble prying his eyes away from where Poe was spreading his legs out, his mind losing track of the question at hand. “Sorry, what were you asking again?”

 

Poe threw his head back laughing, his dark curls bouncing along with it. “A vacation after the wedding, anywhere you want. Naboo? We could go to Yavin-4 to visit my old home. Or… Hey, what about _Jakku?”_

 

Finn’s smile faded immediately, his expression very serious. “Don’t even joke about that place or I’ll walk out the door.”

 

“Okay! Okay, so not Jakku then, I get it. So?”

 

“I’d like to see where you grew up. Is it nice?”

 

“It’s beautiful. Rainforests and cities side by side, and plenty of beautiful ancient structures to explore.”

 

“Okay, Yavin-4 it is. I picked, now stop teasing me and take something off.” Finn huffed.

 

Poe slowly undid the fly of his dark green trousers, pulling the zipper down and lifting his hips just slightly to tug them down, taking his sweet time, enjoying the pained expression on the other man’s face a little too much.

 

“Oh come on, Dameron, you’re just being unfair now,” Finn rolled his eyes, folding his arms over his chest. “Take them off and let’s finish up here.”

 

“You’re _so impatient_. This is supposed to be fun.” Poe let the offending item of clothing fall the rest of the way, slipping them off his feet into a pile, left in just his boxers and socks.

 

“It’d be more fun if I could actually touch you…”

 

“Patience you must have, young padawan!” Poe teased in a strange voice. “Two questions left, and then you can do whatever you like.” A wink, of course. Force, the man was nothing if not infuriatingly charming. “Question five, do you want to write personal vows for each other? Or are we going to keep it simple and just have the General recite the usual script?”

 

“I…” Finn thought to himself for a moment, trying his best to not stare at the very nearly naked Poe on the bed. “I want to write something. It might not be the best, I’ve never really written anything like that—”

 

“Hey, hey, don’t worry. Anything you write would mean the stars to me, honestly.” Poe sat up, patting the spot next to him.

 

Taking a seat, Finn kept his hands firmly in his lap ( _unfortunately_ ). “If you say so. Then yeah, I want to write stuff for each other.”

 

“Great, I already started something for you.” Poe began toeing off his socks, leaving them to join his pants on the floor.

 

Finn’s eyes grew wide. “Really? What are you saying? ‘Cause I don’t know what I should write.”

 

“It wouldn’t be much of a surprise if I told you now, you’ll just have to wait. Just write whatever you feel, it doesn’t have to be long or anything. Just write whatever you want to say.” Poe leaned over to grab Finn’s hands, prying them apart and placing them along his own hips. “You can do the honours. Once you answer the last question, that is.”

 

Finn nodded silently.

 

“Do you want to exchange rings, or get matching tattoos?” Poe asked softly.

 

Biting his lip, Finn weighed both choices. He’d thought about them before, but hadn’t really made up his mind. He liked the idea of getting something along with his flowers and Resistance symbol, but wasn’t sure what they should both get. On the other hand, he loved the idea of doing something as traditional as exchanging rings. He liked that it’d always be visible on his hand and not hidden under clothing. But he also feared losing it, where as he couldn’t lose a tattoo.

 

Finn tested his fingers along the waistband of Poe’s boxers, fidgeting a little on the spot. “I don’t, uh… I don’t know? I want to say rings, but I’m scared of losing it.”

 

“Well, neither of us really have the money for anything fancy. If one of us loses it, we can get another one.”

 

“But that’s not really the same, is it?” Finn crinkled his nose, unhappy with the thought of replacing something so important so easily.

 

“No, I suppose you’re right, it’s not the same.” Shifting his weight so he sat a little closer, Poe leaned into Finn, his breath hot against his collar. “We can always decide on that one later, if you want.”

 

“But I want to take these off…” Finn muttered thickly.

 

With wandering hands, Poe slid under the familiar leather of his old jacket on Finn’s body, urging him to remove it. “Go ahead, I think we’ve made enough decisions for today.”

 

Hesitation out the window, Finn practically threw himself onto of him, pulling his boxers back as he did so. Pressing himself to Poe’s chest, he stole a long kiss, enjoying the unmistakable firmness pressed against his thigh. “I’m in charge this time?”

 

Catching his breath, Poe wrapped firm hands around Finn’s back. “I’d say you’ve earned it.”

 

 

**/**

 

 

Poe stood in his olive commander’s uniform, the waist-high belt suddenly feeling tighter than usual. He stared down at his shoes, almost able to make out his reflection in the shiny polished leather. He swallowed, bringing himself back into the moment. He was getting married today, something he never really thought he’d end up doing. But, here he was; hair combed back into a neat wave, the curls fighting to break free of the gel he’d used, his face freshly shaven, and cologne patted into his neck. This might just be the most dressed up he’s been in years.

 

BB-8 chirped happily across the room, rolling over to inspect his uniform.

 

“Yeah, I know, I don’t really wear it that often,” Poe chuckled, checking himself out in the mirror. “It’s sort of itchy.”

 

A few more beeps as BB-8 rolled from side to side, its head swivelling quizzically.

 

“Yeah buddy, today’s the day. No, I’m not nervous!” Poe scraped a hand through his hair, getting a little too flustered as it didn’t lie completely flat. “Okay, I’m a little nervous. But that’s normal!”

 

The small droid bleeped as if to say _‘If you say so…’_

 

“It’s just… a lot to take in. Anyway, I’m going to go for a walk to chill out before the ceremony.”

 

A questioning chirp.

 

“Sure, you can come too, but please don’t ask too many questions.”

 

The pair worked their way through the winding hallways of the base, Poe with his hands shoved in his pockets, and his droid rolling noisily beside him. Although he hadn’t originally planned it, he was pleased to discover his to-be husband standing in the loading dock, his back to the entrance as he looked out one of the large barred windows.

 

He could of sworn he died when he locked eyes on Finn. He looked so handsome in his deep navy suit, all crisp and tailored to fit his broad shoulders and muscular arms, the trousers slim and fitted ( _and yes, he had to admit he couldn’t help but stare at his ass a little, he was only human_ ). He turned from the window, a small bunch of white flowers pinned to the breast pocket of his jacket. He smiled at Rey as she came in to view from behind a parked starfighter, his lips moving as he spoke but Poe was too far away to hear it. He ducked his head, turning the corner so as to not be seen. It was tradition to not see each other before the ceremony, but it was too hard to not steal a look.

 

BB-8 beeped accusingly from behind him.

 

 _“Shhh!”_ Poe darted down the hall to avoid being heard. “Don’t get me in trouble, come on, I just wanted to see him. Don’t you have a volume setting?”

 

The droid beeped repeatedly as it rolled away down the hall, forcing Poe to follow it. Remembering they had less than fifteen minutes to be outside, he broke into a brisk walk, mumbling to himself under his breath as a poor attempt to calm his nerves.

 

 

**/**

 

 

The grassy clearing just away from the base had been set up as elegantly as they had the budget for, but it was more than enough to bring tears to Finn’s eyes. Tied with twine, every chair set up in rows for the guests were bursting bunches of white flowers. At the front, a spot had been set up for the two to stand together with the General, with wooden stakes fastened to the ground covered in similar bursts of white and pink blooms, except larger and more abundant. The sky was blue, but soft white clouds were rolling in from the far side of the forest.

 

Finn stared endlessly into that blue, shifting his arms in his sleeves tensely.

 

“You’ll be absolutely fine, my friend.” Rey placed a comforting hand along his shoulder, her smile small yet meaningful. She wore a simple tan coloured dress, her hair left to hang down for the first time Finn's ever seen. 

 

Finn returned it, trying to ignore the twitch in his shoulders. “Thanks, I hope so.”

 

“There’s no rule that says it has to be perfect. Poe will love anything you have to say, I’m certain of this.”

 

“I know, he said so, too.” Finn sighed, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment. “I bet Poe looks so good in his uniform. I bet he’s not even anxious at all, I bet he’s so cool right now.”

 

 

**/**

 

 

“Fuck, _oh fuck. Snap,_ what the hell am I doing?” Poe paced nervously, biting anxiously at a nail on one hand. His hair was slightly unkempt from running his hands through it, and his brows knit tightly into his forehead.

 

“You’re kind of freaking out is what you’re doing, Dameron,” Wexley stated, watching as Poe paced back and forth around the echoey loading bay, BB-8 rolling back and forth close behind him.

 

“How did I get here? When the fuck did I get _this old?”_ Poe turned to face him, eyes wide and panicked. “I’m gonna freeze, I’m gonna totally blow it, I’m such a mess—”

 

 _“Poe!”_ Wexley trapped his arms and spun him around to lock eyes. “You were a babbling mess over Finn before all of this. When you told me you two were engaged, you looked like you’d won a new ship. You made the right choice, you’re just over thinking this. You love Finn.”

 

BB-8 beeped rapidly, it’s head swivelling from one side to the other.

 

“I do, of course I do, you don’t have to…” Poe sighed, scrubbing a hand over his face. “I just can’t believe this is really happening.”

 

“It is, and you _both_ deserve it. Besides, there’s gonna be a _kriffing wicked_ party after. Aren’t you lookin’ forward to that?”

 

Poe laughed weakly. “Yeah, I guess I am.”

 

Slapping a large hand across his back, Wexley ushered him forward. “Well then? C’mon, get out there! He’s waiting for you!”

 

Poe stumbled out of the loading bay, smoothing a hand over his hair. “Wait, wait.” He spun around holding his arms out. “How do I look? Please? C’mon, don’t send me out there looking like the mess I feel like.”

 

Wexley adjusted the front of Poe’s jacket, then ran a thumb over a stray curl and tucked it into place. “You look a hell of a lot better than you usually do, that’s for sure.”

 

“Thanks, Snap.” Poe said with a smirk.

 

“Anytime, bud,” Wexley shrugged, scratching his beard. “Now get out there, get married, and make the General mama proud, yeah?”

 

Poe shot him a scandalized look. “Aren’t you coming?”

 

“Right behind you, just get out there!”

 

“C’mon BB,” Poe smiled down at his chirping droid, marching ahead with it close in tow.

 

The walk over wasn’t quite as anxiety-inducing as he thought it would be. Poe looked up at the partially cloudy sky, stepping through the grass to thankfully join a small crowd of others coming to watch.

 

“Nice getup. You ready, lover boy?” Jessika teased, her dark hair was pulled back into a much neater up-do than the usual ponytail she sported, and she had on a simple navy blue dress that hit just above her knees.

 

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” Poe scratched at the back of his neck. “And thanks, you too. Don’t think I’ve ever seen you in a dress.”

 

“It’ll probably be your last, so don’t get too excited.”

 

“She loves getting gussied up, she just doesn’t want you to know it.” Karé jabbed a playful elbow into Jessika’s side. “She’s not the only one, either. Finn looks pretty hot in his suit, huh?”

 

Poe’s head whipped around so fast he nearly broke his neck. “He uh,”

 

Finn stood towards the back of the chairs, chatting with Rey while the guests trickled in. That deep navy suit looked incredible on him, and it was completely ruining what little composure Poe had left. He smiled, not just because Finn looked so good, but because he looked good and not nearly as nervous as Poe felt. The calm on his face was so refreshingly _him,_ the perfect reminder that marrying him was absolutely the best choice he’d made in his life.

 

BB-8 bumped into his legs, bringing him back to reality.

 

“Yeah, he always looks good.”

 

The General swept by in an elegant, yet simple, long grey dress, walking past the small crowd of people taking their seats. She motioned for both men to follow her to the front, smoothing out the folds of her dress Poe locked eyes with Finn for a moment, not getting much of a chance to say anything, before swallowing the lump in his throat and taking his place between the massive white flowers. BB-8 rolled close behind, taking it’s place to the side.

 

 _“Hey,”_ Poe leaned in to whisper, his cheeks pink. “You look… you look amazing.”

 

Finn blushed, though he didn’t look away, his gaze meeting Poe’s intently. “Hey. Thanks, you do, too.”

 

“Commander,” The General addressed, her head turning to glance at Poe, Finn, and then the audience. “Private. Everyone. Are we all ready here?”

 

“Yeah. Yes.” Poe bit his lip, hoping he didn’t look as goofy as he felt.

 

“Yes, ma’am.” Finn replied. He seemed so much calmer, his posture tall and confident, his hands clasped in front of his body.

 

“Then let’s get right to it, shall we?” General Organa gave a small wink in their direction, smiling broadly as she began the ceremony. “Gathered here are those that are most important in your lives, your love, and on this planet. We are here to witness the joining of these two in eternal unison, their lives to be fused as one. Through love they had found each other, and in that they have found themselves.”

 

Poe inhaled sharply, preparing for what he knew was next. Before she could prompt them, he took both Finn’s hands in his own, wrapping his fingers under his broad palms.

 

“Ahead of me, as usual, Dameron…” the General teased, their audience laughing. “Well, do you have your vow prepared?”

 

“Uh, yes, I do.”

 

“Go ahead, then.”

 

Poe cleared his throat, glancing down at the ground once more before finding Finn’s eyes, his nerves calming once he met that adoring gaze. “Finn. It’s so easy to look at you and know that everything in the galaxy will be alright. You’re living proof that no matter what, the darkness can’t steal everything. You’re light, and you’re pure. You’re so full of good, you bring out so much good in me. Now every day I fly, I fly for you."

 

Poe’s eyes crinkled into a smile, his cheeks burning with the embarrassment of confessing this all right here, but Finn’s dark eyes and upturned eyebrows kept him steady.

 

"Every part of me knows we were meant to find each other, even in the completely ridiculous way that we did. I'm so unbelievably thankful for everything, even getting captured, because it meant finding you. We saved each other. You're my hero, my buddy, my best friend, my love. I love you, I love you more than all the stars in the sky, and I will always be your pilot. I promise I’ll always be here for you, and to fight this fight together. I don’t want any part of a future if it doesn’t include you next to me.”

 

Finn sniffed, pulling away a hand to wipe away the tears rolling down his cheeks.

 

"Are you alright to continue?" the General asked Finn quietly. Poe smiled weakly, rubbing a thumb over the seam of Finn’s jacket.

 

Finn immediately stood straight, his hand refinding Poe's. "Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine. I can do this."

 

"Good, go on."

 

"I..." Finn looked over at the crowd beside them, his eyes catching the encouraging gazes of their friends, of Rey and Jessika and Snap, of other commanders, of Luke Skywalker and so many others. His heart swelled, his palms a little sweaty. He could do this. He brought his eyes back to Poe, taking a deep breath. Shoving a hand in his trouser pocket, he pulled out a small folded sheet of paper. "Is it okay if I..."

 

"Yes, of course." The General gave an encouraging smile.

 

"Thank you," Finn cleared his throat, glancing down at the paper before he began. "I feel like every day is this incredible gift, now. I have so much to look forward to. There's so many people here I can call my friend. I remember how I took that risk to run, but I never thought running would mean finding someone like you, Poe Dameron.”

 

Poe’s eyes looked glossy, his calm gaze suddenly faltering as he gripped Finn’s hands tighter. He did his best to keep his composure, though it was harder to keep talking without choking up a bit.

 

"The love I feel for you is beyond anything else I had ever felt in my life, and every day I get to spend with you feels even more amazing than the last. When I said I needed a pilot, I didn't think I'd end up meaning it this much, but I do. I couldn't imagine a life without you, everything before just feels like a bad dream I left behind. This is the reality I want to be a part of. I hope we have the chance to see things through, to create a better future, to have things the way we've always wanted them, together. I love you, and I always want to be a part of you."

 

 _“Finn!”_ Poe burst into tears, smothering his face with the arm of his uniform, trying his best to hide his embarrassment. “That— _you…”_

 

“That was beautiful, thank you, Finn,” The General stood a little taller, stifling a smirk at the quickly unravelling man to her left. A drop of water landed on her shoulder, causing some brief looks of concern, but she continued. “Together you’ll weave new stories, begin new journeys, and forge new paths. Love can be the most powerful force in the galaxy, I hope it is for you. May the force be with you, Poe and Finn Dameron. I understand you’re exchanging rings?”

 

The small white and orange droid beeped cheerfully as it rolled between both men, popping out a small drawer from its side.

 

“Thanks, BB-8.” Finn crouched down, plucking both of the simple silver bands from the box, before standing and holding the other out to Poe.

 

Poe sniffed, pathetically attempting to wipe the tears away from his face, laughing as he did so. _“I can’t_ — I’m sorry, I can’t stop…”

 

Finn just smiled his perfect, charming, so _goddamn_ cute smile, took Poe’s hand, and slipped the ring over his finger.

 

Through his tears, Poe managed to do the same, albeit a little hastier. “C’mere, you _absolutely perfect_ man.” He grabbed Finn by the collar of his jacket, tugging him in for a tear-soaked kiss. Teeth clashing for a moment, Finn smiled wide into his lips, hands finding their way around the scratchy wool of Poe’s suit to hold him closer. The clouds overhead had rolled in faster than they’d originally anticipated, and the entire party quickly found themselves caught in the middle of a rain shower.

 

Despite the weather, the crowd erupted into cheers, every guest leaping from their seat to pump triumphant fists into the air, the sound of Wexley and Jessika hooting together, BB-8 beeping and whistling, and Rey whistling with her fingers to her lips. Releasing long enough to get a better look at everyone, both men turned to grin at the sea of happy faces, before turning back to each other.

 

“Gods, Finn. I love you so _fucking_ much. You know that?” Poe squeezed Finn’s hand a little tighter, the rain causing his curls to come undone and stick to his forehead.

 

Finn grinned ear to ear, feeling the rain starting to soak through his suit, though he didn’t care. His chest felt like it was exploding, blooming with warmth and happiness, his mind buzzing with no other thought but _‘I love you, I love you, I love you’._ “I know.”

 

General Organa rolled her eyes, though her smile was fond. “Let’s get this party inside, everyone!”


End file.
